Looking ahead to the looming start of my next period of orgasm denial – longer than I have ever been denied, longer than I ever thought I would be – has got me thinking about a few things. I’ve been thinking about the difference between what I want vs. what I need, as well as what it means to truly submit to My Lady.
Many of our readers out there (and ML, as well!) would agree that it is not easy being ML’s sub: it is not easy to be locked in chastity, it is not easy to be teased so intensely, and it is not easy to be held in strict orgasm denial throughout it all. She is a special and unique keyholder, and it takes a special and unique level of commitment and determination to endure her treatment. I’ve been questioning my level of commitment to submitting to ML lately, mainly because of certain aspects of our initial chastity agreement.
Way back when we started living this chastity lifestyle (over… 2 years ago? Holy shit, it was over two years ago!), we crafted a chastity agreement that allowed us both to have input on how our FLR would take shape. The spirit of that agreement guides every aspect of our D/s dynamic, even if we don’t follow each and every clause to the letter (for example, it’s been a long time since we’ve written in our communication book, only because we’ve grown to be so comfortable communicating with each other directly). One of the clauses that ML has been very gracious to uphold has been the use of the “Maybe Day.”
To explain the Maybe Day clause quick and simple: ML gives me a date when she plans to let me cum next, and will let me know if she decides to push me significantly past that date. She can choose whatever date she wishes, and can choose to extend it for any reason, but she is required to let me know when it will be or how much longer I will have to wait.
Looking back on it, I wanted to put that clause in our agreement because of my trust issues. When things were difficult between ML and me, there was never any telling when our next sexual encounter would be. I was scared that ML’s interest might fade once again if there was no date to hold her accountable. I needed even just a small guarantee that I wasn’t going to be left and forgotten about. I wasn’t ready for such an open-ended situation.
I think I’m ready for that now.
Over the past two years, I can’t remember too many nights where ML and I weren’t sexual in some way with each other. I even recently posted about how just a knowing glance across the room can be our way of “having sex.” The level of passion is certainly there, and it’s stronger than it’s ever been. I don’t think I need to be worried that ML will lose sexual interest in me anymore. I probably have to be more worried about ML driving me insane with TOO MUCH sexual attention!
With My Lady’s agreement, I would like to do away with the concept of Maybe Day for good. I realize that this opens me up for denial periods longer than I’d ever expect with absolutely no warning whatever, but I am ready to submit to her that deeply.
(This post is the first that ML will be hearing of these thoughts, so I am very curious to see what her reaction is. Wish me luck!)