Cagedmonkey and I don’t normally talk about the specifics when we bring up how important communication is in a relationship. I just wanted to describe one thing that he and I both say often because we remember what it felt like, up until 2 years ago (this month), when we fixed this whole union.
We often say things like “I’m so glad I can say (sexual) things like that to you now” or “I’m so happy we can show each other how horny we are for each other now” or “I’m so grateful we went through all that to be where we are now.” It’s not bringing up the past, it’s not resentment, it’s quite simply appreciation for the mess that our relationship was and the work we went through for the past two years – and will continue to go through – to clean up the mess, the fear, the anger and the resentments.
It’s almost liberating and makes us feel so good to say “thank God we went through that” so we know it is a place neither of us wants to be again. Sometimes old feelings come up, past behaviors or situations and each of us has gotten anxious at one time or another. The difference now is, right away, we speak up and take care of the worry. We both love where our intimacy is, we love loving each other and we aren’t taking that for granted anymore!
Communication truly is an amazing thing! If I can offer one bit of advice to anyone it would be to be honest with your spouse about your feelings, wants and desires. Even if you don’t understand them or why you are feeling them. Just get them out there because NO one knows what you’re feeling or how to support you if you don’t tell them.