All posts tagged relationship

(First off, apologies for the lack of posting lately; it’s been very busy here at the LMnC household getting ready for the upcoming move)


It’s so interesting how chastity has changed my life.

I never thought that seeing dents in my cock would make me feel sexy, but they do. I love the look of the marks that my chastity cage leaves on me after I take it off. It reminds me that, even though I might be unlocked, My Lady still owns my cock. She still controls it, whether it’s free from confinement or underneath steel bars. The effect is still there.

It was truly fortunate that My Lady found chastity and decided to give it a try. That decision changed so many things in our lives for the better – our sex life improved, along with our emotional bonds with each other. It’s a part of our lives that we would never take away.


It kind of reminds me of my chastity tattoo. It has become one of my favorites that I have, for that reason – it symbolizes the choice I made to turn control of my sexuality over to ML. She chose the design, she chose the location, and I accepted it… and it couldn’t have been more perfect.

It’s so perfect, sometimes I think to myself: were we destined for this? Is this exactly how we were meant to be with each other? Were we fortunate, or was this situation blissfully unavoidable?

When I get thoughts like these, I can’t help but think of my “chastity scar.”


That right there, is where the base ring of my chastity cage sits. It’s very faint, but you can see the skin is raised very slightly and barely discolored. It’s not a major injury or anything, it doesn’t even hurt or cause discomfort. It’s the result of my fairly large cock struggling against the bars and ring of my chastity cage. I never really expected it to happen, but now it’s a part of me.

It’s funny how chastity has changed me – from the “in the moment” feelings, to the changes I hoped would occur, and even those changes that I never could have expected. It’s also amazing how pretty much all of these changes are for the better.

So today is Valentine’s Day, and it’s been far from the best of days. ML and I woke up to some family drama – nothing too terrible and not involving our immediate family, but serious nonetheless. And it kinda went downhill from there, culminating in a burst water pipe thanks to a week of mega-freezing temperatures.


If the ceiling fell in, it wouldn't be a surprise.

It’s been a rough day. I’ve already started working on getting drunk, and I doubt ML will be far behind me. It’s just one of those days that you want to be over and move on from.

It’s funny, though… it’s still Valentine’s Day, and we both found time in our horrible day to show our love for each other. I am really blessed to be married to a woman like her: someone who can make me smile on even the worst days. Someone who I know is on my side, no matter how bad things get. Someone who is a partner in parenting, a partner in love, and a partner in life.

If this sounds like this post is turning into one of those “I love my wife so much,” corny, romantic, Valentine’s Day posts… well, you’re right. Got a problem with that? Didn’t think so.

Wishing a VERY Valentine’s Day to everyone out there – for the few hours that are left, anyway. I hope that no matter how bad things get, that you look ahead with open eyes, open arms, and an open heart.


Insert incredibly cute Valentine's Day photo here.

It’s been almost 10 years since cagedmonkey has had a regular day shift schedule. He has worked so hard to provide for our family. He has made me so proud to be his wife and the mother of his children. We made the choice together, 10 years ago, that I was going to stay home with the kids (at the time it was just one). Which meant we needed more money from his income to survive. That meant going to an off shift for the differential pay. We knew it was temporary but we never expected temporary to last 10 years lol. Over that time hubby has put so much into his job, went to school for some extra letters after his name and busted ass to become supervisor ready. Then the job he was at for 12years let him down and we ultimately moved here to West Virginia. Which, by the way, is beautiful and we really do like it here!

I never knew, after 10 years, how conditioned I was that I put the kids to bed and Yay! I have a few minutes to spend with hubby before he goes to work. He’s been off that schedule for about a month now, you would think it would go away by now but, still, every night I have to remind myself… I have ALL night with him. I actually get to sleep in bed with him every night. We go to bed together, we hold each other (most of the night unless it’s too hot LoL), we wake up together. It truly is something I feel others might take for granted. I cannot even begin to express that feeling of relief I get every night when I realize, “oh! He doesn’t have to go to work tonight.” And yes, I still get it every night! It’s weird!

The other thing that’s been so hard to adjust to with this whole day shift thing is just how much I miss the man I love. When he was working nights we chatted in text messages through half the night and then I’d fall asleep. I sure missed him but half the time he was gone I was sleeping. During my awake time he was sleeping but I still had access to him. 🙂 it’s so different now that he’s working and we are awake and asleep at the same times. I feel like I miss him much more now when I only get a text or two at his breaks and lunches. I know I will get used to it, it’s only been a week. Trust me that I appreciate that it’s something I have to get used to. He has worked hard to get to this spot and we, as a couple and a family, have been through a lot to get here too. I love the place we are in. I love the relationship we have now, the intimacy level and the communication between us has never been better. Not to mention the amazing, awesome, kinky sex we have! 🙂

I really want to thank our readers for being a part of this with us. It’s so fun to have met some amazing friends who we can totally be ourselves with. We love the questions we get and the conversations we have but more than that I think we really appreciate the love and support our new friends have offered!

This journey we are on is a lot about experimenting and trying new things. Some things we find we love, some things are like eh it’s ok and still others we find are hell no’s. In all of the things we explore and try we ALWAYS have this “if anything isn’t working or feels uncomfortable,” thing where we are to say, right away, so that no one gets hurt, our play doesn’t get spoiled and we don’t have any chance for resentment.

I have very much enjoyed our play time with friends, other couples, subby boys, chaste boys etc. These play times include things like email, texting, pics and video. I’ve loved every minute of arousing other people and getting aroused and then taking it out on cagedmonkey hehe. 🙂

I suppose there comes a time when you unexpectedly run into something you had no idea was a “hell no.” Recently, over the course of about a week, we were enjoying some play time with friends and this happened to me. I started to feel off and had absolutely no idea what it was. I started to withdraw, get depressed and certainly wasn’t feeling all that horny. To make matters worse, when I get stressed, depressed or have emotional issues the first thing to happen is an extreme physical reaction. I was in some intense body pain and cried because I hurt so bad. I was having trouble walking and getting up and down the stairs and just trouble trying to function. But, here I was, dumbfounded as to why the hell this was happening to me.

Cagedmonkey knows me so well that he could tell something was wrong. He’d asked me over and over multiple times a day for a few days how I was feeling. I just answered “I’m fine.” I wasn’t lying, I thought I was fine. I mean, we were having so much fun playing with friends and enjoying some sexy sex time and all that… hell I’m the one who initiated most of the play and asked for it. It was stuff to help me tease the hell out of my locked up, denied boy. Apparently, something underneath it all was eating away at me. It’s times like those that I’m so blessed with an amazing attentive boy who is so in tune with me. He makes me so happy and I just dearly love him.

Now that I can think back to when I started to physically feel like crap, I realized it was about the time cagedmonkey had gotten into a role play situation with one of our friends. It wasn’t until last night when I had a break down and talked it out with hubby that we were able to get to the root of it. Basically we found that role play that involves cagedmonkey and a woman other than myself is something that I am not ok with. We found a “hard no” for me.

Over all this was a good thing, a learning experience. Basically with experimenting comes trial and error and I thought I was ok with anything. But, Oh boy, did I find out that, even imagining, my man with another woman was NOT something I could handle. It is something that I have now learned I need a boundary for.

See, with play stuff between cagedmonkey and I, we have boundaries and now I need to make sure that play stuff with others has boundaries as well. This whole situation is the perfect example of why communication is so important in a relationship. Not only a chastity relationship or BDSM or D/s but any relationship.

Have you asked your partner how they’re feeling today?

Communication needs to be the heart of every relationship. No one can read anyone’s mind and it’s important to know and understand what your partner is thinking and feeling. The only way that will happen is to be an active, calm, open-minded listener. How we interact about issues such as time spent together or away from one another, commitment, money, health, our kids, family, friends, trust, and intimacy affects our ability to develop and maintain lasting marriages and relationships. 

We have found, since beginning this new journey, that communication is a huge part of an enforced chastity relationship. A lot of things could go wrong if you don’t take time to talk about each other’s expectations, goals and fears.

It’s usually hard to bring up intimate subjects with those you care about. There’s a lot of risk involved with these conversations. Just because the topic is intimate and the person is someone you love, don’t back down from bringing up the things that are important to you.

When it comes to talking with your spouse about sex, here’s a few things to keep in mind.

Timing is key. It’s not a good idea to bring up the subject of sex while having sex (this is different than talking about the current encounter and emotions involved which enhances the experience). If you want to discuss some unresolved aspect of your sexual relationship or a disappointment or frustration, during sex is not a good time for the discussion. Both of you will likely be less open and objective about the conversation. It’s also not a good idea to bring up touchy subjects at bedtime.

Another important thing is to be honest. If you are going to address this subject, be upfront and honest. This may seem like common sense but there are many people who resort to code words or only bring things up half-way. Even if it may not seem so, your partner will respect you more for it in the long run.

Avoid placing blame and attacking your partner, a nice calm conversation is what you’re looking for, not confrontation. It’s easy to address this kind of topic with statements like “Why do you always want to …” or “You always seem to initiate when I’m…” When a person feels attacked they’ll respond defensively, it’s part of a person’s survival nature. During these kinds of personal discussions, take care of yourself. Talk about you, your experience, what you’re thinking, and what you’re feeling. This may still impact your partner and might even hurt a bit, but it definitely increases the chances that you’ll be heard. Purposefully hear their side of things, be clear on their perspective. This is especially good if you have a partner who’s reluctant to have this conversation. Slowing down to really listen can help keep things calm, though not always less emotionally charged. But the less reactive you are, the more likely a good resolution will result.

Be sure to fill the conversation with respect. Avoid talking down to your partner and never assume they know what you’re thinking. Also avoid interrupting them while they’re speaking. No one wants to feel misunderstood, unappreciated, disregarded or disrespected.

You’d think it would be easier to bring up a subject like sex. Sex talk is all over in our culture. There are sex tips in magazines and on talk-shows. It’s pretty rare to actually see examples of real couples discussing sex. “Talking about sex as a personal, intimate experience with your partner is a totally different kind of talk,” says Barry McCarthy, a Washington, D.C., psychologist and sex therapist who has written books about nonsexual marriages and how to prevent them. “You have to be open to talking about what you value and your vulnerability,” he says. No one teaches us how to actually talk about such sensitive subjects. Not just sexual subjects but any emotionally charged topics.

Early on in a relationship we are “drunk in love” and talking about sex is fun and arousing. Everything is exciting and new but in a long-term committed relationship, talking about intimacy is more difficult. Sexual problems can crop up for any number of reasons. Anything from stress at work, child-rearing, lack of time, medical issues, past sexual trauma or aging can cause issues in our intimate relationships. Many couples get stuck in a rut where sex is all or nothing.

I think having trouble discussing problems in your sex life with your spouse is pretty common. Just try to remember that the discussion may take more than one conversation. You don’t have to figure it all out at once. It is very important to be gentle with your partner. A really great line to get your conversation started would go a little something like this… ‘I love you, and I’d like to feel more connected to you.’

Once we got through the initial conversation and got those communication floods gates opened things flowed much more easily. We continue to keep that communication very open and non-judgemental. One way we keep this level of communication going in our relationship is by using a notebook as a journal. It’s been a pretty fantastic way to bring up some of the more challenging subjects we may run into.
Communication is something I try to encourage in any relationship. I can’t see a relationship surviving the long-term trials without strong communication.

(WARNING: This post does not have all that much to do with chastity, so if you’re looking for hot & horny posts, check out some of our other blog entries.)

I’m usually not interested in all of that celebrity gossip/TMZ crap, so I’ll admit that I had only just barely heard about the whole Gwyneth Paltrow thing about “conscious uncoupling.” (Note: I had to go to Google to find out how to spell “Gwyneth Paltrow” correctly. So, yeah.) For those of you who are like me and couldn’t care any less about it… basically, she’s splitting up with her husband but she doesn’t want to call it a divorce. So she came up with this “conscious uncoupling” bullshit to make it sound better than it actually is.

The only reason I mention it is because I read an article in Time magazine today – yes, I read Time magazine, what’s it to ya? – that references the whole situation. Joel Stein writes in the latest issue’s “The Awesome Column” (a satirical humor article that I usually find very funny) about how, inspired by Paltrow’s epic euphamism, he tried to bring the subject up with his wife. He described it as almost like asking for a mid-marriage prenup, which predictably went over worse than asking for a regular prenup.

Anyway, I’m not randomly babbling here. At the end of his article, Stein writes:

It turns out that part of what keeps a marriage going is the pretense that it always will, that the choice over continuing has been taken away from you by the law, social shame and daily habit. It’s unconscious coupling, and I want to keep it that way.

Now to be fair, a lot of what Stein writes is tongue in cheek sarcasm, but I think he’s being serious here. He’s also 100% wrong. Basically, his argument is that the only reason people stay married is because they have to. Does that sound like a wonderful, loving marriage to you? Not me, either. If the only reason he stays married to his wife is because he feels obligated to, I feel sorry for him.

My Lady and I have been through some tough times in our marriage; times where each of us started taking the other for granted, where we fell into a rut, when we were with each other just because we were with each other. Not until we worked out our issues and really started to choose to be with each other did we truly open our eyes and see how wonderful our love and our marriage could be. We aren’t with each other out of habit. We are with each other because we both feel that being in each other’s life makes our own that much more fulfilling. I don’t stay married to my wife because of the so called “social shame” Stein mentions. If anything, I’m fucking proudto be married to such an amazing woman!

Gwyneth Paltrow is shooting for “conscious uncoupling.” Joel Stein wants to build his marriage around “unconscious coupling.” But wouldn’t being with the one you love by choice instead of by force be that much more blissful?

Wouldn’t “conscious coupling” be the pinnacle of a healthy, loving marriage?