real life kink

All posts tagged real life kink

I know a wrote a few weeks back about how I was having some medical issues. I have been going through a lot of medical testing and was to be starting treatment soon to get some of those things worked out. Well last week I started my infusion therapy on Wednesday and well… since Wednesday, our life has turned into something short of a complete shit storm – perhaps tornado is more like it!!!

On Wednesday I headed over to the Chemo lab to get myself hooked up to a new medicine I’ve never had before. I was already nervous because, I’d done some reading and found out side effects of this medication include anaphylaxis! Yeah… right… I know, fun!! NOT! Well, I got all hooked up to the IV and the infusion for this medicine only takes about 20 mins (as opposed to the hour my other meds used to take) but you then have to sit for a long time after to be monitored for any kind of reaction. And reaction I did have. Just before the medicine finished flowing through the tubing, I started to feel my throat getting tight. I mentioned it to the nurse and told her it wasn’t too bad at the moment but it felt weird. About 5 mins later, all hell broke loose, my throat closed up, my chest tightened and I couldnt breathe and I started having a full on panic attack. I was crying and apologizing to the nurse and the doctor who were pumping Benadryl and steroids into my IV while checking my blood pressure, pulse and Oxygen. It really was quite a scary few minutes of my life. I ended up there for another hour feeling all dizzy and loopy and stressed and finally things calmed and I could breathe again and after all that I was able to get up and take myself home.

For about 3 or 4 days after the rection my body was still having side effects. I could barely stay awake from the extreme fatigue, was having horrible headaches and my body and muscles hurt so bad I could barely walk. I am so thankful for my subby hubby who did everything he could to help me, let me sleep and do extra to take care of the kids. He was ready to take me to the ER but I’m glad we just waited it through because after a few days of Benadryl and Ibuprofen I was feeling a little more like myself and able to function. I honestly do have one of the most amazing husbands in the world and I love that he will step up to take care of me when I am unable to keep doing what I do. I love him to the ends of the earth and back again a million and twelve times and I could never get through this life without him.

You would think that would be enough for one family to deal with in a week, but no… on Saturday our 11yo daughter was outside Roller Blading and hit a dip in the sidewalk and her feet came out from under her and she fell. We ended up in the ER for 6 hours because she broke both bones in her left wrist and they had to do their best to realign the one bone in the ER. Then did what they could by casting her arm in place until we could get to the Orthopedic surgeon yesterday. We spent 4 hours at the Ortho’s office yesterday where he manipulated the bones in her arm (without pain meds! Poor kid) and seems to have gotten them both aligned now and casted in a weird position to keep them aligned. Hopefully this will mean she can avoid having surgery on her wrist. We go back next week to see how things are progressing. She sure does like that she got a pretty purple cast from her armpit to her finger, though! She really is a trooper and a very resilliant kid.

So… with all of that fun , HA! happening around here things in the play department have slowed just a bit between CM and I. I know he is worried that this will put a HUGE damper on everything but, as I told him, life happens and our kids are our priority so we have to deal with that but our sex life, our play, our chastity, tease and denial is not going away. I love it too much and I know HE loves it. I would never let anything completely get in the way of doing anything I can to drive him absolutely bonkers. Just today before I headed out for another medical procedure, I decided to send him a few sexy pics after my shower. And now that I have the afternoon home to myself, I may just have to send him a few more. Thinking about teasing him and making him all frustrated at work has me kinda turned on and I might have to go use my wand to give myself a nice good hard orgasm or three. I’m sure he will be struggling against the cage as I send him pics and maybe a little video of me at home enjoying myself, thinking of teasing him. 🙂

When I woke up this morning I never expected my day to go so bad. I started my day and as I went along I could feel my chest and throat felt tight. I could breathe but swallowing felt really tight. My chest and ribs also had this sensation of vibrating, jittery and shaking inside. My brain was so foggy I was having trouble thinking and focusing. As the day went on my chest and throat got tighter and the shaking in my chest was really strong. I even texted Mistress Marie to chat about my anxiety and that helped it for a little bit but it didn’t hold out.

My anxiety was in high gear. I’ve been stressed out with packing the house, I was becoming depressed and full of anxiety, worry and fear. Fear that I’ll never get it all packed up and ready to go when the truck is here to be loaded. The anxiety has been hanging around for a couple days now but today it really peaked and feeling my anxiety physically like that pushed me into a full on panic attack. I was having trouble breathing, my hands started shaking, I couldn’t think. I felt numb in that moment. I knew the feeling I was having, the feeling of my throat closing, that super tight chest that really makes you feel like your having a heart attack, so strong that it makes me nauseous. I knew it was a panic attack.
I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t do this alone. So, not too alarm the kids I quietly got up, went to the kitchen to find my anti-anxiety meds and took one. Then I calmly walked down the hallway and woke hubby. The second he looked at me he knew something was wrong. I simply and very quietly asked him “could you please get up early and take care of the kids, I’m having a panic attack. I just took meds and just need to lay down.” Before getting up he just held me as my body shook and I cried in his arms.

Cagedmonkey has been through this with me before – when I didn’t know what they were. I used to have them often. It has been probably 11 years since I’ve had this kind of panic attack. We knew how to get me grounded again and let the meds kick in. I’m so incredibly blessed to have a hubby who loves me even though I’m broken. I’m not without imperfections but he doesn’t even see them and in fact loves me for them. Today I took a healthy step in going to him and asking for help. It’s not something I would have done before, I would have held it in and tried dealing with it on my own. I would have fallen into a deep depression. I love that we have a love and a trust with one another that we can come to each other with this kind of stuff and any kind of stuff.

Today I thank God for an amazing husband who is my hero. Thank you baby for being my strength when I’m weak.