not good enough

All posts tagged not good enough

Since the other night when I got a little twinge of disappointment when cagedmonkey lost his erection, I’ve had some “I’m not good enough” stuff going on. I could feel the depression happening… losing my confidence, my self esteem and especially my horny. Hubby tried to arouse me a few times and I did start to feel a bit horny but it easily faded when he wasn’t around or was sleeping. I think that was another thing feeding into my depression, it always takes hubby a day or so to readjust after being off work so he sleeps quite a bit extra and our nightly connection isn’t what it normally is.

Then today pushed me further down into the hole of “I suck-ness” when I had to endure the terrible emotional battery I did from my 9yr old daughter. In case you don’t know, our daughter is on the Autism Spectrum and has some other medical issues so we homeschool her. I’m not going to get into it all but it hurt me to the core. I hid in the kitchen and cried because I felt like the worst parent, I felt like (feel like) I’m failing her, like maybe she deserves a better mom.

So as you can imagine this has all been taking away from the attention I usually give to cagedmonkey. So, yes, I feel like I’m failing as a keyholder and wife too. He’s not getting nearly the amount or quality of attention he wants or is used to. I need this depression to go away, I hate having feelings come over me like “maybe I should just give him the key and say forget it because I can’t give him what he wants right now.” I don’t really want that. I want to be fixed emotionally so that my dominant, confident, teasing horny comes back.

I did love the great pussy eating I got before hubby left for work tonight as well as the big long cum. I just wish I didn’t feel like I was on an emotional roller coaster.