marriage

All posts tagged marriage

Vanilla, Kinky, Marriage, Kids – It’s a balancing act. As you know we recently started going to some munches and getting together with new friends in our kinky world, not to mention we bought a new house and our kids activities all week after school and on weekends. Life has felt much like a whirlwind and slightly like trying to balance spinning plates on poles – I’ll have to admit I’m not that great at balancing. In the one who troops and falls UP the stairs lol. I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed with all of the little behind the scenes things that need to happen in life to make things go smoothly. 

It’s really awesome having friends and we love getting together with them and going to munches but for a bit there I really felt like so much of my time was looking for ways to get rid of the kids for the night so we could go to munches or other kinky events. I started to feel like I was missing and losing out on the family time with my husband and kids that is so very important while they are this age. It felt like every weekend we were constantly running and doing something or going somewhere. 

In the midst of kids and life and going out and getting involved in all these new fun things our kinky play together has gotten lost… again balance! It’s been extremely hard to find time for family time, kinky time, vanilla hubby/wife time, friend time… all of it. I get feelings of inadequacy when I can’t make time for it all, when I can’t find the necessary balance to fit it all in. I’m sure people have noticed that I’ve pulled back a bit, I’m not as active as I was, I’m not as chatty as I was. I’m still struggling to find what I need to make it all work and, right now, I’m trying to focus on my family, my kids, buying this house and all the little things that come along with that and getting back my kinky time with cagedmonkey. I miss it… I miss the intense tease and denial and the playtime we would have. I miss being crazy horny for each other all the time. There are things I miss that we would do more consistently. We keep trying to get in rope trial time and just the different things we enjoy about our kink. It just feels like it is constantly getting set aside because there is something else that needs to come first… Like sleep, work, kids, whatever.

Anyway, just letting you all in to where I am and how I’ve been feeling. I’m working to pull those things together and find that balance and I know I will I just feel like I suck at it right now and I’m letting every one down. 

Just a quick post to let you all know we will be out of town for a few days! In a few short days cagedmonkey and I will be celebrating a beautiful union in both the Vanilla, friends and family traditional way and the kinky only those in the know way. I’m really looking forward to seeing such an amazing couple become one. Since this blog focuses on the kinky side of things that is where I will take this post.

On Saturday, we will get to witness one of our best friends taking her she-male slave as her wife, to control and own and have in whatever way she pleases. I think that is a beautiful thing. She is not only making the commitment to him to be his wife but he is making that same kinky commitment to her. He is promising to be her she-male slave wife to serve and please her in whatever way she wants. Giving himself to her fully to control and be what she wants him to be, whether the big strong man who can fuck her or the sissy feminine slave wife she deserves. It’s really interesting being a part of this and more so that cagedmonkey gets to officiate the kinky wedding! He’s written some beautiful things for these two and I look forward to being part of it.

I do wish I could go into much more detail and all that and those of you that know… already know… those of you that don’t, I wish you could!!!! Anyway, it’s going to be a fun weekend!!

(First off, apologies for the lack of posting lately; it’s been very busy here at the LMnC household getting ready for the upcoming move)

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It’s so interesting how chastity has changed my life.

I never thought that seeing dents in my cock would make me feel sexy, but they do. I love the look of the marks that my chastity cage leaves on me after I take it off. It reminds me that, even though I might be unlocked, My Lady still owns my cock. She still controls it, whether it’s free from confinement or underneath steel bars. The effect is still there.

It was truly fortunate that My Lady found chastity and decided to give it a try. That decision changed so many things in our lives for the better – our sex life improved, along with our emotional bonds with each other. It’s a part of our lives that we would never take away.

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It kind of reminds me of my chastity tattoo. It has become one of my favorites that I have, for that reason – it symbolizes the choice I made to turn control of my sexuality over to ML. She chose the design, she chose the location, and I accepted it… and it couldn’t have been more perfect.

It’s so perfect, sometimes I think to myself: were we destined for this? Is this exactly how we were meant to be with each other? Were we fortunate, or was this situation blissfully unavoidable?

When I get thoughts like these, I can’t help but think of my “chastity scar.”

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That right there, is where the base ring of my chastity cage sits. It’s very faint, but you can see the skin is raised very slightly and barely discolored. It’s not a major injury or anything, it doesn’t even hurt or cause discomfort. It’s the result of my fairly large cock struggling against the bars and ring of my chastity cage. I never really expected it to happen, but now it’s a part of me.

It’s funny how chastity has changed me – from the “in the moment” feelings, to the changes I hoped would occur, and even those changes that I never could have expected. It’s also amazing how pretty much all of these changes are for the better.

So today is Valentine’s Day, and it’s been far from the best of days. ML and I woke up to some family drama – nothing too terrible and not involving our immediate family, but serious nonetheless. And it kinda went downhill from there, culminating in a burst water pipe thanks to a week of mega-freezing temperatures.

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If the ceiling fell in, it wouldn't be a surprise.

It’s been a rough day. I’ve already started working on getting drunk, and I doubt ML will be far behind me. It’s just one of those days that you want to be over and move on from.

It’s funny, though… it’s still Valentine’s Day, and we both found time in our horrible day to show our love for each other. I am really blessed to be married to a woman like her: someone who can make me smile on even the worst days. Someone who I know is on my side, no matter how bad things get. Someone who is a partner in parenting, a partner in love, and a partner in life.

If this sounds like this post is turning into one of those “I love my wife so much,” corny, romantic, Valentine’s Day posts… well, you’re right. Got a problem with that? Didn’t think so.

Wishing a VERY Valentine’s Day to everyone out there – for the few hours that are left, anyway. I hope that no matter how bad things get, that you look ahead with open eyes, open arms, and an open heart.

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Insert incredibly cute Valentine's Day photo here.

Recently I’ve noticed I have been feeling off and unsettled about our tease and torture and our D/s side of things because there isn’t much. I feel so busy lately and unorganized because, even after a month here, the OCD side of me is uneasy. Things aren’t just where I want them, days don’t go exactly as planned… I admit I’m a control freak and I feel like all the little things added up mean I have no control. It’s weird, I know, but there is so much I want to accomplish and so much I’d like to do – in regular vanilla life as well as our sexual, kinky, intimate one but I never seem to have enough time to do it.

Flipping our schedule around after soooooo many years is a lot harder to adjust to and still, things are changing! We recently found out that homeschool kids here in our new state are allowed to take a couple classes in the public school and that the school offers homeschool kids all the curriculum and textbooks, etc that the kids are using in public school. So we have begun looking into getting our daughter into a couple classes a day at school so I could have an hour or so to myself on weekdays. I’ve actually considered the fact that she may do well and like it and want to actually try going full days at some point… Which has me thinking stupid and emotional for all kinds of dumb reasons. I’m excited that that might happen but scared and anxious over it too.

All of these things with kids activities (it’s our son’s team won their 2nd round of playoffs for football today! They are off to the Superbowl!), school, errands and all that has left me with little time to get the rest of the boxes unpacked or taken over to our storage unit. Which I just got the other day because there is no storage here at the house and we can’t even get in our closets because we’ve tried to pack everything in there. Let alone having room to set up and use our sex toys! Haha

That’s been another struggle. I have no room to set things up which, with the little time we have, needs to be done before we can play. We don’t have time to set things up at night when we want to use them and then play and put it away after, etc. Anyway, excuses excuses! I really want to get our room set up in a better way, get the boxes and bins of decorations and stuff put away so we have room to actually play. I want to get a rug for the floor so we are able to set up the stockade. Really, can you see my dilemma? There is so much I want to do and so little time to get things done. Which is why I actually think having my daughter gone for an hour or so a day might be good so that I can do some of the things I want to do.

With all of this stuff I want to get done and feeling like I never have time for any of it, I find myself doubting my ability. Doubting if I’m a good mom, a good wife, a good teacher, etc. I start getting anxious and worrying if I’m keeping my hubby satisfied. Does he know how much I love and adore him and that I find him incredibly sexy? I start to worry if I’m teasing him enough, if I am good enough for him, pretty enough for him, sexy enough for him. My mind races and races in 90 directions of stupid. When I’m not in control, I worry and I am not liking the ups and downs and changes and the lack of flow!

Another note for you all is that we found we really like it here and we have talked about and started looking into sticking in some roots. That means we put the wheels in motion to either buy or build a house! That in itself is scary and exciting!

Ok I think I’ve caught you guys up on my anxiety and my crazy and what’s going on in our lives!

How are you all doing these days?

It’s been almost 10 years since cagedmonkey has had a regular day shift schedule. He has worked so hard to provide for our family. He has made me so proud to be his wife and the mother of his children. We made the choice together, 10 years ago, that I was going to stay home with the kids (at the time it was just one). Which meant we needed more money from his income to survive. That meant going to an off shift for the differential pay. We knew it was temporary but we never expected temporary to last 10 years lol. Over that time hubby has put so much into his job, went to school for some extra letters after his name and busted ass to become supervisor ready. Then the job he was at for 12years let him down and we ultimately moved here to West Virginia. Which, by the way, is beautiful and we really do like it here!

I never knew, after 10 years, how conditioned I was that I put the kids to bed and Yay! I have a few minutes to spend with hubby before he goes to work. He’s been off that schedule for about a month now, you would think it would go away by now but, still, every night I have to remind myself… I have ALL night with him. I actually get to sleep in bed with him every night. We go to bed together, we hold each other (most of the night unless it’s too hot LoL), we wake up together. It truly is something I feel others might take for granted. I cannot even begin to express that feeling of relief I get every night when I realize, “oh! He doesn’t have to go to work tonight.” And yes, I still get it every night! It’s weird!

The other thing that’s been so hard to adjust to with this whole day shift thing is just how much I miss the man I love. When he was working nights we chatted in text messages through half the night and then I’d fall asleep. I sure missed him but half the time he was gone I was sleeping. During my awake time he was sleeping but I still had access to him. 🙂 it’s so different now that he’s working and we are awake and asleep at the same times. I feel like I miss him much more now when I only get a text or two at his breaks and lunches. I know I will get used to it, it’s only been a week. Trust me that I appreciate that it’s something I have to get used to. He has worked hard to get to this spot and we, as a couple and a family, have been through a lot to get here too. I love the place we are in. I love the relationship we have now, the intimacy level and the communication between us has never been better. Not to mention the amazing, awesome, kinky sex we have! 🙂

I really want to thank our readers for being a part of this with us. It’s so fun to have met some amazing friends who we can totally be ourselves with. We love the questions we get and the conversations we have but more than that I think we really appreciate the love and support our new friends have offered!

I have been very stressed out with all of this moving stuff and trying to pack while still taking care of the kids and the house and functioning in this living space. Not to mention the kid with the medical issues having bigger issues this past week. Then the “normal” kid is having behavior issues, likely because of the move. I have a lot on me and my patience wears thin very quickly these days.

Yesterday, by the afternoon, I had lost all patience and was getting more and more irritable with things. As I said, the medical stuff was crazy and I just started to lose it. Cagedmonkey heard me starting to get very frustrated while he was trying to sleep in the bedroom and asked if I needed him to wake up. Normally, I would say no but I’m trying to change my “I don’t need help” way about myself and actually admit that there are times I need help. So I told him yes, I did want him to get up, even if it was just to take on some of the craziness with the kids.

Just before coming out of the bedroom, I was texting him telling him how frustrated I was and he texted me back and said, “Would you like to come here and take some of that out on my butt before I get up?”

Really?!?!

I love how he knows just what I need! I didn’t even text back, I ran down the hallway with a big smile on my face, went in the bedroom and spanked his sexy little ass for each of my frustrations.

My subby hubby is so amazing and this whole D/s and FLM thing is great because I get to take back my power and control with the help of my wonderful hubby when I feel like it’s been stripped away by the craziness of everyday life.

Last night I wasn’t really in much of a sex, tease, denial or any play kind of mood. With all the packing that needs to be done while still taking care of the regular house stuff, dishes, laundry, kids, etc I’m just feeling overwhelmed and not really “in the mood.” However, what I love about our relationship now is that, even when I’m not in the mood, I can still enjoy sexual intimacy and even quickly become in the mood.

Last night was cagedmonkey’s first night back to work after a long week and a half off. It has been so nice having him home and sleeping in bed with him and everything. It was hard to send him off to work again. Anyway, we were sitting there watching tv and he played some video games and, like I said, it wasn’t a particularly sexy time.  Just before it was time to get ready to go cagedmonkey had asked to taste me. Of course he could taste me! It really only took about 10 seconds of him gently kissing and licking my pussy for me to reach down, grab the back of his head and start grinding my pussy against his face.

That is what I love about us now. I really wasn’t at all feeling a desire but just something so little can flip that switch and all of a sudden I’m using his face as a fuck toy and rubbing my now wet pussy all over him just before he’s ready to walk out the door to work.

It’s just lovely, isn’t it?

Cagedmonkey and I don’t normally talk about the specifics when we bring up how important communication is in a relationship. I just wanted to describe one thing that he and I both say often because we remember what it felt like, up until 2 years ago (this month), when we fixed this whole union.

We often say things like “I’m so glad I can say (sexual) things like that to you now” or “I’m so happy we can show each other how horny we are for each other now” or “I’m so grateful we went through all that to be where we are now.” It’s not bringing up the past, it’s not resentment, it’s quite simply appreciation for the mess that our relationship was and the work we went through for the past two years – and will continue to go through – to clean up the mess, the fear, the anger and the resentments.

It’s almost liberating and makes us feel so good to say “thank God we went through that” so we know it is a place neither of us wants to be again. Sometimes old feelings come up, past behaviors or situations and each of us has gotten anxious at one time or another. The difference now is, right away, we speak up and take care of the worry. We both love where our intimacy is, we love loving each other and we aren’t taking that for granted anymore!

Communication truly is an amazing thing! If I can offer one bit of advice to anyone it would be to be honest with your spouse about your feelings, wants and desires. Even if you don’t understand them or why you are feeling them. Just get them out there because NO one knows what you’re feeling or how to support you if you don’t tell them.

My Lady hasn’t been feeling very well lately; she has been dealing with strong body aches and generalized overall pain from time to time. I wish I could do something to help her out and relieve her pain, but there’s not much I can do other than being supportive and loving whenever I can.
 
Our sexy fun play time has suffered greatly over the past few weeks because of this. It may seem superficial, but ML and I both agree that sexual attraction and physical intimacy is a very important part of our relationship. I can tell ML is getting worried that her physical issues are drawing energy away from our sex life. She doesn’t REALLY need to worry about that stuff – we can definite adjust to this situation, as we’ve been through much worse already – but it’s nice when I can help ease her fears when possible (and get her a little turned at the same time).
 
We were sitting on the couch tonight watching some TV before I had to leave for work, ML was resting her hand on my hip as I was laying on my side next to her. With the sole purpose of making her smile, I pulled the waistband of my shorts down to show her my naked ass. She giggled and squeezed my butt and gave them a soft slap with her palm. Her touch felt so nice on my naked skin, and a moment later I was up on my knees next to her on the couch, bent over the arm with my naked ass pointed in her direction. As her hands caressed my ass cheeks, I heard her make what would be best described as a half laugh/half moan, a sound that she often makes when she is surprised by just how turned on she is getting. It was music to my ears.
 
For the next few minutes, My Lady smacked my ass until I whimpered and tickled my balls until I couldn’t help but squirm. She gently stroked the base of my cock until I filled up my cage, and she teased the sensitive area between my balls and asshole until I was moaning into the couch cushions. “It’s so cute,” she said as she toyed with me, “I love to watch your ass twitch.” I couldn’t hold still as she brushed her fingers over my exposed skin, and she spanked me hard enough to make me yelp.

It eventually was time for me to get ready for work, but it felt really great to get those juices flowing between us again. It was also wonderful to see My Lady enjoying making my cage tight around my throbbing cock.