keyholder

All posts tagged keyholder

I was asked this really great question recently so I thought I would take a minute to write here about it. I’m sure some of our readers who are in control would appreciate it. Then again, some of you in the submissive role may like to know this stuff too. 

“…doesn’t it make you feel bad sometimes when you deny your hubby for so so long? Do you ever feel guilty?”

There actually was a time, when we first started this whole chastity and longer term denial thing, that I would describe my feelings as guilt. Now that we are almost 4 years into this there are zero feelings of guilt. There doesn’t need to be any. 4 years ago my hubby asked me to take control of his sexual pleasure. He wanted me to be the one to decide if, when and how he would orgasm. I gladly accepted that role and took control over that pleasure for him. So why would I feel guilty about giving him something he wanted in the first place? That’s something us dominant types can forget sometimes… but when someone completely offers themselves to us we need to not feel guilty about accepting the responsibility.

Cagedmonkey naturally craves and needs to be controlled and I naturally crave and need to be in control. It makes us both feel fulfilled and content in our relationship and in our life. It fits us so well to accept these roles. 

So, in short, no I don’t feel bad or guilty about denying him orgasm or even keeping him locked in that steel cage and even controlling him to the point of when he gets a full erection. I love knowing that he is THAT controlled, down to something even HE can’t control! I love knowing he has a pretty constant reminder of me and the fact that I control him and he sexual organs and pleasure. It’s mine to enjoy, he gave me that. He offered me that gift and it’s one of the best things and shows such deep love and respect and, more importantly, trust. It makes me feel great, not guilty! 

Ugh… NO!!!

I recently got, yet another, email about locking up a guy. I get them pretty often but just about every time I get one, I need to respond with something along the lines of you can’t just lock up a guys cock and throw away the key. I do want to mention, I know there could be a guy or two out there that does actually want to be locked up, have the key thrown away and their dick completely unused and forgotten about. As a matter of fact, I have such a boy, who’s key I hold, that enjoys the fact that there is nothing he can do or say to get his key back or get his cock unlocked… ever. There is really no use for his puny little cock. That is something that is few and far between and even in his circumstance, I STILL keep him mentally teased and reminded of his predicament every so often.

Male chastity with a spouse or partner, however, is usually not about not having sex or not having to “deal” with your guy once he’s locked up. If anything, it might be more work when you’ve got someone under lock and key. I’ve written about this plenty of times and I’ve even done a podcast on it. When you get a guy to give up control of his most intimate parts, he’s also giving you an incredible amount of trust. He’s trusting that you won’t lock up his dick and forget about it. He needs to know that you enjoy having him locked up as much as he enjoys being locked up for you. He may have a constant physical reminder of who owns his cock but there definitely needs to be some consistent mental reminders. Especially those amazing mindfucks that cause him to press and struggle against the cage, aching to be released. 

I really can’t stress enough about how important it is to give attention to the one you control. Your words, alone, can have a huge impact on how their time in chastity will be. When I say you need to give attention, I’m not necessarily talking about constant physical attention. I do think there needs to be some of that as well but, more than that, the mental side of things will certainly keep your guy from getting lonely. One of the most important things to remember, when locking up a guy, is that it’s going to be work. You do not want them getting lonely and feeling sexually forgotten about. I’m pretty sure I even have a blog post here with lots of ideas of how to keep your guy mentally mindfucked and well teased while locked up. Look around a bit.

Recently I’ve had a few people asking me about the key I wear on a necklace around my neck. They key they are talking about is the key to my husband chastity cage. More specifically it is the key that loosens the security screw we use to keep his cage locked on his junk. ๐Ÿ™‚ I have a picture (on the contact page, maybe) that shows the padlock key I used to wear before getting the security screw from Mature Metal. However we realized that having the screw was much more convenient, quieter and less bulky. 

Back when I ordered the security screw option I found out it came with two keys. One we use as an emergency key that hubby keeps on his keyring and it’s tamper evident. That one is the regular size. I asked Mistress MM if it would be possible to cut a key shorter because I didn’t want to have a long metal pendant that would draw attention to itself. The shorter one does that just fine! Anyway, Mistress MM told me that the key could be cut shorter and redrilled so that it was small enough to wear on a necklace. There is a very small fee associated with resizing the key but in my opinion, it’s worth $25. 

My key is cut to one inch total. If I remember right that is about 3/4 of an inch smaller than the normal size of the key. One thing I want to mention is to make sure you get yourself a good rope style chain for the key with a clasp that fits through the hole! It would be a good idea to get the necklace after you get the key, just to make sure it fits. It is still possible to use my key to unscrew the security screw, though it is more difficult than using the regular length key. 

I know that Mature Metal can get a bit more creative and custom about their keys but keep in mind the more creative you want your key, they more expensive it might be due to the handmade nature of it all. If you are interested in shortening your key for your keyholder you just need to let Mistress MM know and it will be done! ๐Ÿ™‚ She’s extremely good like that. She even knows what you mean if you mention you want the “key like Lady M wears.” Hehe ๐Ÿ™‚

Hope this helps! 

Recently I started working with Mistress Ivey on her new journey at Ivey’s Keys. It’s been quite fun and even a learning experience working with my subs. I am very much enjoying the interaction, the tasks and ask of the people in general.
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What We Offer Submissives
This is a “Member’s Only” website and we have a great deal to offer. As a paid member you have access to the entire site, not just the blog area. You can get a Keyholder who will Control your Orgasms, you Chastity (if you want), give you tasks to perform, a shoulder to cry on, and a spanking when you need it. You will be able to visit the Daily Task Master, Play our Chastity & Orgasm Control Games, Watch our Tease & Denial Videos, and Join our Submissive’s Group! You will be able to send Private Messages to your Keyholder or anyone you want to communicate with.

What We Offer Keyholders
As a Keyholder, you will be in charge of one or more submissives who will do their very best to please you. Even to the point of paying Tributes for allowing them to be Locked in Chastity or even earning Orgasms . As a Keyholder you have greater access to certain parts of the website. You will be able to access our Tasks Library and submit Posts as well as secret pages designed to make your key holding easier and more effective.

Once you have paid your membership fee at PayPal you will sent to our
Official Registration Page. Once you register the entire site will open up to you.

Membership has it’s privileges!

The other day, after I allowed cagedmonkey to cum, we had a chat about what I had planned going forward.

It’s amazing to think that we are coming up on 2 years that I’ve been fully controlling hubby’s orgasms and sexual pleasure. Our actual chastity device wearing didn’t begin until October 2013 but it was June of that year that he asked me to take full control. We’ve been into tease and orgasm denial our entire relationship – that’s over 15 years! – but never to the extent that we are now. It was much shorter before, hours, days and the longest we had ever give over the years was a month. Now we hardly blink if I’ve kept him denied of orgasm for 3 months.

This last period of denial (which was actually 106 days, I think) was the longest I’ve had him denied. Getting to 3 months was actually pretty easy once it got there though it was almost excruciating for me to go the next two weeks or so that I made it. I was aching to feel him cum inside me. To feel his body shudder as he had that first orgasm after being denied so long. I truly missed how it felt to have that with him. It’s one thing to have sex or make love and not have him explode into me and it’s completely another to share that amazing feeling as we are cumming together in the high of sexual pleasure.

So, I told cagedmonkey that I wanted to take a break. For a second he looked at me, very sad, thinking I wanted to stop chastity and orgasm denial altogether. That wasn’t it at all! I comforted my confused boy and explained that I wanted a break from “Maybe day” and from pushing him and myself to go longer and longer in his denial. This decision had nothing at all to do with his chastity. As a matter of fact, I love that and he will be without his device very rarely for probably the rest of our lives. ๐Ÿ™‚

I don’t know if cagedmonkey is still confused about what I mean but I have had to explain a couple times. What I want is to control his orgasms, which I already do. That doesn’t mean I’m going to have him out of his cage, fucking him every day, making him cum. It means I’m going to decide moment to moment if I want that or if I want to deny him. I could literally not feel it one minute and yet another be like, “oh fuck baby cum in me!” I guess it might depend on how physically turned on I am, how emotionally turned on I am our how deliciously evil I’m feeling.

That’s really where I’m at right now. I don’t want to have to deny him, I don’t want to have to make him cum. I want to just control it moment to moment and if I feel like denying him for a week or 3, so be it. I just don’t want the set periods of time right now. I need a break from constantly pushing further and further.

I think this will ultimately be fun but also I think it’s already a bit frustrating for him. Like I said I’m not sure if he thought taking a break from denial meant that he’d cum every time we had sex or that HE’D get to choose when. That’s not it at all, I’m not handing him back control of his sexual pleasure at all. I’m just liberating myself from set periods of time that I have to try to do or fear disappointing him or myself because I didn’t make it to the time frame I was hoping.

I’m going to enjoy this and, when will we set a time again? I have no idea but I’m sure it won’t be too long because I do love that build up of horny while getting that denial going, trust me! ๐Ÿ™‚

I’ve been doing a little thinking about how I want our next chastity and orgasm denial period to go. If you have been following along on our journey, the last period of denial lasted just over 100 days. I had denied cagedmonkey from late last year until our anniversary and vow renewal on Jan 18th. It was fun keeping him so horny and frustrated that long. It’s amazing having him like putty in my hands because he’s so incredibly horny and aching to have me allow him orgasm.

I want to make sure that I explain when I say chastity, that just means that we will continue incorporating the chastity device into our everyday life. Cagedmonkey is in his device just about everyday and has been since October 2013. With the exception of our two week vacation last month. Just because he is in a device does not mean he’s automatically denied orgasm. It means I control if and when he will have sexual pleasure and or orgasm.

I also want to make sure that I explain when I say orgasm denial it means I control when cagedmonkey will be allowed to have a pleasurable orgasmic experience with ejaculation. That does not necessarily mean he will be caged 24/7. It does not mean I won’t milk him or give him an ruined orgasms. It simply means I will lock and unlock the cage to use my toy as I see fit. After all, I do recall me being the keyholder & Domme in this relationship and I am in control. ๐Ÿ™‚

As I said our last stint of denial lasted over 100 days which was over 3 months. I don’t see any reason why cagedmonkey can’t make it 6 months. His last orgasm was January 31, 2015 and my plan is to tease, torment, use, abuse and deny him until mid summer. I think we figured 6 months was around July 31st so that’s where I’m aiming. I know a lot will happen in that time. I’m sure we will find a way to get some new toys to play with and I hope to work on my rope skills because I would love to get hubby into some fun predicament bondage. I really think his steel collar will come in handy for that.

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Cagedmonkey's locking steel collar


I’m excited to share this next challenge with you since hubby has never gone that long without an orgasm!

So I just want to write that just as important as it is for us as women to get feedback that the boys like what we are doing, they need that same feedback from us. They need to know we are proud of them for being locked for us, for enduring our teasing etc. They also need to know if they are pleasing us with their behavior or sexual acts. How will they know to continue something I’d they don’t know ere loving it?

I find that having a submissive husband or even being dominant to a submissive man is just like parenting. I’m not saying our men are childish (though some sure can be at times) I just mean they respond well to techniques parents use with children. It’s just like you would treat a kid when you “catch them doing something good” to reinforce the behavior. So it’s important to say things like “it really pleases me when…” or “you’re doing such a good job with…” or “I really love how you are handling…” and even “Wow! What a great job doing…..” adding to any of those some hint at a reward is huge too. Saying something like “it really pleases me when you take out the garbage without asking… I might have to unlock you and tease you later!” No, you didn’t just lock yourself in and you don’t have to let him out but the thought that you might is motivation. It’s interesting how it works.

Praising and reassuring our submissives builds their confidence and keeps them pleasing us and striving for more of those compliments and possible rewards. It might be all about us Ladies (or dominants) sexually but it is about both of us emotionally. This is why I say communication is so huge. The feedback, both ways, keeps the relationship going.

Have you praised your locked boy today?

The last night of our cruise I had trouble sleeping as we headed back to New York City. I could feel, as I started to pack things up that evening, some anxiety thinking about getting back to normal once we got home. I don’t mean getting hubby back to work or the kids to school, grocery shopping or sorting through two weeks of mail. I mean getting back to the beautiful D/s relationship hubby and I have spent the past year and a half exploring. Not only the D/s relationship between hubby and I, but the one I have with my other submissive boys too.

Before we even went on this trip I had decided it was going to be a vacation. A real vacation from everything, our roles, the kinky stuff, everything. Just a nice time to let whatever happens happen. We did have a little sexy time on the trip as I mentioned the sex on the balcony and the mirrors! Ooh boy, those mirrors were amazing! I really cannot explain in words what I felt when I watched the pure joy on cagedmonkey’s face as he held my hips and pounded against my nice round ass. It was like watching my own personal porn seeing how much he was enjoying every second of slamming his cock deep in my pussy. And when he came, that was an amazing sight. It’s not everyday that you get to watch almost secretly as your man’s primal energy takes over and you see the reaction of his entire body while he is exploding a nice hot load of cum deep inside you. It really is something I cannot describe. I just don’t have the words to explain the emotion behind it.

Oh, sorry, got a little side tracked there! ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway, as I was saying, there were some moments of spontaneous sex and hubby had lots of orgasms – about 7 or 8 I’d say which is more than he had all year last year, I think! The thing that wasn’t there on our trip was the D/s part of it. Our FLR was in high gear, I planned things, scheduled the days for the most part, made most of the final decisions (even got overwhelmed by constantly orchestrating everyone’s every move and had a moment because people (kids) get bitchy lol) but during the sex there was no domination from me. There wasn’t really a whole lot from cagedmonkey either. It’s not like either of us took charge of the sex we had on the ship. Well, maybe when he fucked me on the balcony looking out over the ocean, but you get my point.

As we got closer to home, I started thinking about what it would be like when we got back. Would I still be able to be sexually dominant? What about my other subby boys? Could I still be the Domme they desire, creating tasks for them, enforcing my rules? Would I still have that pull over them, have them as my little puppets? Would I even remember how to manipulate those strings? Do I still have it in me to mindfuck them? I could sit here and write about 47 more questions that ran through my head, but I’m sure you get where I’m going with all of this. I’m worried that I’ve lost the confidence to be those things, to remember how, to make it what it was before we left.
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I will say those first few “yes, ma’am’s” after getting home did spark something inside me. I certainly don’t feel like I’m “back” and I’m not sure where my confidence level is at the moment. I really feel like I need a good hardcore D/s session with hubby but I don’t see there being time for anything like that right now. It certainly doesn’t help when mother nature decides she’s going to get in the way. I was all set to give cagedmonkey a good gueening this morning and I stopped in the bathroom, because I’m not into peeing in his mouth and, of course there she is!

So finding my way back among these stupid girlie hormones is proving to be real work. I’m hoping to plan a D/s day with hubby – the kind we can discreetly have in front of the kids – as well as a good pain session with a couple of my other submissive boys as well which I hope will help push me back into my Top role.
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I just took this quiz called “What type of Mistress are you?” First of all I’m not a mistress at all. I am also not a Goddess, Princess or whatever other titles people may go by. I’m a dominant woman and I think there is a difference there. Before I go on with my post here are my results:

Congratulations, you are a very Sensual & Sexual Mistress.
You will use your submissive for your own enjoyment. If your submissive enjoys himself, that is OK, but you will use his body for your own pleasure. You pleasure comes first. You are not out to cause undue pain in your submissive but you realize that some is required for him to stay in line.
You enjoy being in control and you enjoy the pleasure you can take from your submissive. His body is for your use first and foremost.You have a healthy attituded toward sex. You enjoy men, but when you are in control, you will enjoy yourself first and then let him enjoy himself. You would not be a Mistress if your submissive did not also enjoy it. You are a Mistress because both of you enjoy the feelings of letting go and exploring each other.

So, let me start off by telling you I changed the wording in there to read “submissive” because I, in no way, have a slave for a subby hubby, which it suggested. With that said, most of that is pretty accurate about yours truly. I very much use my hubby to satisfy me first and then maybe, just maybe, he gets some, though that’s few and far between these days. I would say I actually do enjoy inflicting some pain because of the reaction it causes. I would also strongly argue that I would, in fact, be a “mistress” or Dominant woman because that’s just who I am. I may not be to the extent that I am if he didn’t enjoy it but that’s why we’re together. We are each other’s perfect compliment.

If you read the earlier posts here you’ll know that way back 15 years ago we had a Tease & Denial Yahoo group. Our little group had over 600 members and each and every one of them called me Ms. Aggressive. Even back then I knew I was not a mistress. Looking back I realize, 15yrs so, I was a very involved and very attentive Dom. We had chats, emails, tasks, pics, video and even audio. Not nearly as easy as we do now with smartphones and cameras at the touch of a finger, but we had it. I will say, I was much younger and inexperienced and didn’t have loads of information available in an instant like we do now. Being so young and naive cagedmonkey and I didn’t have a sense of priority or realize a contract between us may have been a good thing. As I mentioned I was very attentive and involved which meant a lot of time was consumed teasing other men and denying them when in reality the focus should have been on my monkey boy. Eventually we’d gotten married, moved, started fertility treatments to have kids and away went the Yahoo group.

What is my point in all that? I guess my point is that I’ve always been a very involved, attentive and playful Dom. I’m still that way now with my hubby and any other subby boys I may take on. I get to know them deep down, I create personalized goals and tasks for them, I keep track of them individually and build a meaningful relationship with them. It is not the same relationship I have with my husband but it definitely has depth and meaning, support and caring, rewards and punishments similar to my marriage. I do genuinely begin to care for them and what goes on in their lives.

There are some Doms or mistresses that require money for such services – probably a lot for something similar to the attention I give – but that isn’t what I do. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with it, by any means, it’s just not what I do. I like to be the dominant, attentive, involved, cocktease that I am for them. If I receive something for it, gift cards or homemade gifts or anything, I want it to be because I’m awesome at what I do. I want it to be because they appreciate me and not because I require it. I want them to want to show me they care about me, appreciate me and are devoted to me. It pleases me ever so much.

I think it’s important that a submissive know what they need as a submissive. It’s important that a Dom know what they need. I always say how communication it’s important because, IT IS! If you are looking for a generic D/s or M/s relationship where you get the same tasks and goals as any other person who buys them, awesome, that’s easy. If you are looking for an actual relationship, you can’t just sign into Fetlife and meet someone who calls themselves a mistress and expect them to know how to handle you.

The few boys I currently dominate, besides my number one subby hubby, I’ve gotten to know. A couple are in chastity and I hold their keys, those boys are also long distance subs so our interaction is limited to online, email, text messages, etc. All of my boys are required to follow my rules, complete my tasks and accept and complete my punishments. I get to know my boys and I take the time to make their experience very personal. I give them time with me, I support them and encourage them to become better men for their wives or partners or future ones. I strive to keep them healthy and functioning at their best in all they do. I will say that I have some very good subs and, most of the time, they keep me very pleased. I do hope that I do the same for them. I’m actually, publicly going to require that my boys take a minute to reply to this post and write a “review” or testimonial of sorts. I want you boys to really think about what it is I do for you and how it makes you feel. If you’d rather do it anonymously let me know and I’ll post it.

I do have a certain someone who’s a different case, not in chastity and who is local. That’s an entirely different dynamic altogether. Hubby and I pretty much Dom him together, though I am dominant to them all. I love it, it boosts my self esteem knowing how I help them, support them and give them that piece in their lives they may feel is missing.

Anyway, I’m glad I’m the Domme that I am, I’m blessed with a hubby who understands and supports me having these boys. It’s work, but I always prioritize my family and my number one locked up subby boy but I love every minute of it. Thank you to hubby and all my boys for fulfilling me and keeping me pleased like the good boys you are.

I have, quite literally, been trying to write this post for three days. It’s been sitting in my drafts just waiting for me. On Friday, I sent this quick email to a couple friends:
” You’ll have to read the blog to hear the steamy adventures but… CM is a slave to my sexual needs today, I can’t get enough of his cock… I just fucked him good and hard, then I laid back and fucked my own ass with his cock and later I’m going to suck that big thick cock of his, fuck him some more and then lock him back up tight in his steel armor!”

So there’s my post, I’m done. ๐Ÿ™‚

Haha, Yeah right! So you all know I was trying so hard to keep my cagedmonkey locked up tight until we renew our vows in January. Well, for some reason, I just cannot get myself past 3 weeks of not having him. It literally makes me nuts and no amount of fucking by “Adam” satisfies me like my hubby.

Cagedmonkey got home from work Friday morning and I was in some really bad shape. I tucked him into bed and snuggle up with him. We were doing some kissing and touching and groping and enjoying feeling every part of each others bodies. It was very similar to any other morning when I tuck him in. We kissed, we touched, he licked my tummy all the way down to my sweet mound. He licked my warm wet pussy to an orgasm and we cuddled a little bit more. As I was laying there in his arms, I felt this incredible ache between my legs. It was actually painful and the only way I can describe it was like a toothache in the lips of my pussy just aching to feel his massive hard cock sliding deep into my pussy.

My voice was shaky trying to explain this to him. He was such a good boy too, knowing not to push me too much in that vulnerable state. I was practically crying because I wanted and needed him so badly. I really was torturing myself, not only him, during all of this. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I HAD to have him, to use him, to feel him inside me. I got that screw undone and popped the tube off of his cock as fast as I could. The ring was not coming off! That’s ok though, the ring just acts like a cockring and makes him bigger and harder. God, I’m getting so horny right now thinking about this again! Ugh!

I immediately climbed up on his massive erection and slid down onto him with my extremely wet pussy. I rode his cock fast and as hard as I could, fucking my aching pussy until it squeezed forcefully around his erection, contracting over and over as I came so hard, quietly screaming through my orgasm. Oh it was such an amazing moment but I was no where near done. It only fueled the fire burning in me. I wanted more! I rolled myself off of him, on to my back and pulled him on top of me and he fucked me good missionary, thrusting into me hard. He was sliding in and out of me at the perfect rhythm, my pussy griping his cock and bringing me to another fantastic orgasm. I really do love how it feels to cum on his cock and how my pussy squeezes around his hardness.

We laid there for a moment just taking in the feelings of the moment. Being together in my after-orgasm glow, until my inner horny raged again. I rolled him to his side on an angle to me to form my favorite T position. I reach along side the bed and grabbed my wand. I told him I wanted a “big one,” which is what I call the orgasm that happens when I use the wand. I reached down and got his cock situated inside me, at this point he’s barely able to move because he’s so sensitive from me taking him over and over without allowing him to cum. So he explains he’ll “do his best ma’am.” I’m laying there moving my body, just using him to fuck myself as I have my wand on my clit. I was so wet and and I could feel my juices dripping down my crack tickling my tight asshole. It made me want to be filled up as the juices ran down. I really was just so horny to have him in every way that I pulled him out of me, reached down and pushed him down until his cock was gently pressing at my horny hole. I tilted myself toward him and slid his entire thickness into my ass, stretching me, filling me up. Fuck it was fantastic finally feeling him after waiting so long. I told him, as well as I could half out of breath how I wanted to be filled up more. He reached his hand down between my legs and slid two fingers into my wetness. As I rocked myself, sliding him in and out, with the wand on my clit, he fingered me faster and harder while I pushed myself into the orgasmic stratosphere.

My day was not complete, though, until I had him multiple times that day. Randomly throughout the day I would go into the bedroom, lock the door, tell him “hard cock,” as I’d drop my pants. I’d climb up on him and ride his cock three more times that day, enjoying my orgasms as I denied his. After dinner I made him shower and shave. I gave him a blow job and fucked him again as he sat on the couch, before he left for work, caged and denied.