All posts tagged funny



It’s been a crazy couple of weeks for us, the reason being that I’ve started looking for a new job. That alone would be plenty stressful. Most of the phone calls and interviews I’m doing end up being scheduled during the day, which piles onto the stress. I work midnights, remember, so I’m usually sleeping until the early afternoon at the least. A phone interview scheduled for 2 p.m. is just like waking up a normal person at four in the morning for a job interview. It should be pretty obvious why I’m grumpier than normal and my sex drive is running a little low.

It’s not all stress and madness, though. ML and I had a really good laugh at a really dumb thing I did, which helped lighten up the mood a bit.

I had a phone interview with an HR person at one of the places I was applying for. The conversation went pretty well, and we left off with the woman getting back to me at a later time to schedule a second interview.

I hung up my phone and went into the other room to let ML know the good news about the interview. I was feeling pretty good about things as I gave her the rundown of what we talked about, After a bit of explaining, I joked around a bit and started coming up with really stupid things to say that would make me sound like a crazy person. These things included (but were not limited to) pretending all I cared about was the money as well as speaking in hashtags. One example that ML and I couldn’t stop laughing at was “hashtag cheddar!” Then I joked around by looking at my phone and pretending that the phone wasn’t hung up.

I looked at my phone, and the phone wasn’t hung up.

A check of my recent call log showed that I had made TWO phone calls – the original call, and a second one immediately after that apparently consisted of me talking like an idiot and shouting out “HASHTAG CHEDDAR” while my wife and I laughed hysterically. Either this woman sat there and listened to me make an ass out of myself, or there was a 4 minute long voicemail on her phone waiting to be listened to.

Naturally, I freaked out.

After a few minutes of testing, it seemed as though my hashtag-speak wasn’t audible in the way I was holding the phone. That seems to be the case, as I have spoken to this woman again a few more times, and she hasn’t mentioned it at all. So either I got away with a huge near-fuck up, or she’s waiting to spring this on me during the salary negotiations in order to lowball me.

Today was absolutely hilarious! Last week I saw a mouse in the apartment so I called the office and they said they’d send over the pest control guy. Awesome, but since I saw the mouse in our bedroom closet cagedmonkey and I knew we really needed to put away the sex toys and bondage equipment. We had the doggystyle stockade and accessories and stuff all on the floor on the other side of the bed so the kids wouldn’t see it. We kept reminding each other we needed to put it away but things kept coming up and we kept pushing it off.

I didn’t even think about it today until the guy knocked on the door. Oh Shit! I said to myself and I was hoping to make it to the bedroom to wake up hubby and quickly throw the little stuff in the drawer. But, no! The dude was right at my heels going down the hall. He practically walked in the bedroom while I was trying to tell hubby he needed to come in to set some traps.

I was dying as he walked to the other side of the bed and there was the stockade, the fleshlight, the leather wrist and ankle cuffs and a few other things. As he’s stepping over the stockade he makes the comment, “got a little bit of a 50 Shades of gray thing going on here, huh?” Bahahaha I almost crapped myself! All I could do was laugh out loud but in my head I heard myself say, “50 Shades ain’t got nothin’ on me, baby!” If he only knew! I’m pretty sure he was thinking that I was the one that that those handcuffs and things got used on.

I bet I turned 50 shades of red, I was pretty embarrassed and cagedmonkey, I’m sure wanted to hide under the blanket, but hey, whatever! Shit happens and it honestly wasn’t that big of a deal but really it was quite a laugh. I just apologized for not putting it away and him having to step over it. He assured me he’s seen plenty of stuff when doing his job and it was no big deal. I’m so sure we’ll be laughing about this for a long time. It’ll be a great memory! Monday, when he comes back to check the traps, should be interesting! Haha