female led

All posts tagged female led

Today has been an awfully crazy day. I had a lot of phone calls to make to the health insurance company, the HR department at cagedmonkey’s work, the surgeons office and on and on. I’ve only got a few days left to try to get all of the disability and insurance stuff worked out for cagedmonkey’s surgery. Wee certainly want to be able to pay the bills and eat food while he’s out of work for a month. He will be going in on Thursday to have surgery to repair his elbow tendon. They will be cutting off the bad end of the tendon and reattaching it.

Anyway, that means I had to get him to get bloodwork done today too and take him to the eye doctor to get a new pair of contact lenses. We basically were running all day today so hubby got no actual sleep during the day. He did still have to get to work tonight so when we got home this evening I instructed him to take a nap on the couch. I hung out with the kids and got them all through their bedtime routine and tucked in bed. I decided I’d leave him there to sleep until 9pm so he got a good few hours to sleep before work.

When I finally did wake him (after 9!) we had some things to take care of, waking him up, dressed and getting him set for work. Well, I forgot to get his dinner ready so I started to rush around doing that and totally forgot that I had him uncaged last night for some teasing. (I do hope we write about that, it was incredibly hot!) So, as we are getting him out the door we’re like “Shit! Get the cage and put it on at work.” So I rush and throw the cage in a bag and dump it in his dinner bag.

Well he got to work and went to cage up and texts me to ask where the screw was. Ugh… FUCK! It’s here, with me! It’s my own fault for not waking him up sooner, for not having things ready in advance and for not making him cage before his nap. I know he’s nervous that I’m going to be upset and worried that he’s not caged. I’m actually not too worried, to be honest. I know he’s my good boy. I know he doesn’t want to fuck up what we have. I know he enjoys this as much as I do and he knows if he does cheat or touch my property without permission, that we won’t do this anymore. It’s no fun for me to deal with disobedience and if he doesn’t follow rules, I won’t bother having this kind of fun with him.

It’s my own fault I have a cage free monkey but I do know he’s a good monkey and he’ll behave himself.

It seems following my directions and doing everything I say is much easier when cagedmonkey is sick. He trusts me so much to take care of him when he’s sick that he doesn’t even flinch when I direct him to take meds, lay down, drink water, use these oils, etc. It’s not that he doesn’t trust me other times but I think there is just something about him being sick. He’s also super cute and I absolutely love mothering him and taking care of my sick boy.

There hasn’t been any play time and he’s missed a couple days of work now this week because this upper respiratory thing has pretty much kicked his bum. He’s literally been sleeping since 7am… over 13 hours and he will likely sleep till morning. This is how he works though, I make him sleep through the worst of it and he should be a ton better tomorrow. No he won’t be his best but it always seems a large chunk of sleep helps him loads. I hardly sleep so I think illness tends to hang around for me but I’m happy that I can give him the time and run the house so he can get the rest his body needs.

I do look forward to him feeling better so we can enjoy some playtime. Hopefully he’s feeling much better over the next couple nights since that’s his nights off this week. I’d love to get him locked in the new stockade and tease the hell out of him.

Unless you’ve been following on Twitter you may not know but we got some new equipment delivered the other day. Haven’t been able to put it together, let alone use it with the kids around and now cagedmonkey being sick. I do hope we can at least get it put together this week for some pics! I’ve fantasized about a hundred ways this thing can be used on hubby, in front of him, on a subby girl if I were to find me one… oh the possibilities are amazing!

Anyway, I’m kinda horny tonight but I don’t think I’ll really do anything about it. I don’t feel much life masturbating. I did take a yummy boobie pic for the Twitter crowd, I suppose you all deserve to see them too. Enjoy!
Oh and I was teasing CM at work last night and sent him these, too.
Been a busy day today and still another busy day tomorrow. Our oldest child has a Baton and Gymnastics show tomorrow. I’m so excited to see her perform, I think she’s really amazing!

I’m sure everyone knows what it’s like to have a bad day at work. Where it seems like everything is going wrong and whatever decision you make is the wrong decision. Well that’s exactly what happened Friday night while hubby was at work. It was a particularly stressful night with dude’s bleeding out in the operating room and being short staffed and people getting pissy and taking out their frustrations on each other. At about 4am Friday night (Saturday morning) I was woken up by about 16 text messages from hubby needing to talk. I spent about an hour and a half texting back and forth letting him get out his feelings and frustrations in a healthy, safe way. I validated him and it seemed to help get him through the last couple of hours.

I knew exactly how he was feeling and that he was going through one of those “I’m not good enough, I can’t do anything right, why bother,” type of things which I’m all too familiar with. This started to make me very worried about our full submission weekend that was supposed to be beginning when he arrived home at 7:30am. I started wondering if we should give up on the whole idea because I had this fear of triggering him into a downward spiral. I was fearful that if I corrected him or was unhappy with his behavior, and wanted to spank or punish him, that he would take it very badly and spin off into a deeper self confidence low.

Saturday morning, he got home and I pretty much sent him right off to bed. Once I woke him in the afternoon we had a few hours with the kids before we could really get into our full submission. However, we did do as much as we could in front of the kids. He would ask to do things quietly or give me a certain look and I knew what he was “saying.” It was coded simple stuff in front of the kids like:

Him: Do you need me to do anything before I go to the bathroom.
Me: Actually, I’d like you to take that load of laundry down and switch them, then you may.
Him: yes ma’am

Little stuff like that the kids hardly notice especially when we don’t make a big deal out of it.

Later in the evening when the kids were off to bed, the submission was much more intense. I absolutely loved hearing him whimper when I would kiss him but not allow him to touch me or kiss me back for a bit. At one point I remember grabbing him by the steel collar and pulling him to his knees in front of me where I was sitting on the couch. I demanded he eat my pussy and make me cum. There were times, too, where I would use his hands on myself while reminding him he wasn’t allowed to touch or help me in any way. He begged to kiss me while I moved his hand and covered his fingers with my juices. I whispered, “no” and kissed him, shoving my tongue deep in his mouth. As I started to cum on his fingers, I told him “kiss me, now!”

It ended up being quite hot and very frustrating for him as I controlled him the entire night and reminded him over and over, “I don’t remember you asking to do that.” It was a very nice night and I loved going to bed with him wearing only his steel collar and Jail Bird. We did wake up before the kids and I decided to take off the collar so we didn’t have to explain it to them. We thought about just telling them it was a necklace but our kids would have bugged out all day, obsessing.

Sunday morning we got up, I laid out the clothes hubby was to wear to church and we started our day. I though about what a great night we had a thought we had gotten passed the whole emotional night from Friday but that ended up not being the case. Sunday was a very rough day and the self confidence spiral began in the morning and lasted all day long. It effected me to the point of visible anger. I quit talking to cagedmonkey for a time because I was afraid I didn’t have anything nice to say.

Later last night he did apologize for his behavior but there really was no full submission at all on Sunday because he was a bit sensitive to things. It was much easier to leave it be. We did have a very nice night together last night once the kids went to bed. I unlocked his cage and let him have control of his dick for a little while. I think that helped him a bit. Once it got late I took him to the bedroom and had my way with him, using his body, cumming as much as I wanted while he continues to be denied.

Sadist (sey-dist):

1. a person who… receives sexual gratification from causing pain and degradation to another.

2. a person who enjoys being cruel.

So under the actual definition of a sadist, I am far from one. I do not enjoy causing pain or being cruel nor do I get anything remotely close to sexual gratification from it. Quite the opposite actually.

I’ve noticed that one thing Male Chastity has done for us is to open up communication and sexual exploration. We have experimented with the idea of things – usually through a good ear whispering mindfuck and found “Wow, that really turned me on!” That then kicks in my desire to research and explore that thing.

What I’ve found out recently is that I really (really, really, really!) love control. I’m not talking about controlling orgasms, I’m talking about controlling something at a much deeper level. I’m talking about having someone completely helpless and vulnerable. Well that’s easy, right? Just bind someone up, handcuffs or rope work great. Yeah, you’re right, that’s pretty fantastic. I’m finding that I do really like rope and bondage but I’m talking even deeper than that! I’m talking about having someone completely helpless and vulnerable at my own hands.

Let me try to explain it this way. I, kind of on accident, slid my hand up and around cagedmonkey’s throat. He got this incredible look of fear in his eyes, he gasped and a slight moan escaped his lips. That reaction caused me to squeeze just a little tighter and push up further under his chin. I leaned in and kissed him so deep and he let out a whimpering moan. I had him in my hands, at my will, he could barely kiss me back because I had such a strong dominant hold on his neck and jaw. I wasn’t choking him, he could breathe but I was close enough that the fear was there. The fear that I could easily lean into my grip and crush his trachea.

You may be wondering how I found out that I like this. That’s simple, just as I leaned in to give him that kiss I got such an intense jolt shoot through the middle of my body. It literally was a jolt of pleasure that shot up the center of me from my crotch up into my chest. It was so strong that it caused me to buck my hips, arch my back and let out a very throaty moan. Over the next minute or so I felt my body twitching and lurching, muscles tightening… wait a minute, I’m sure you know that feeling. To put it simply, having my husband in that vulnerable position and him reacting that way caused me to spontaneously orgasm. I was not being touched in a sexual way. I was merely straddling him like I always do.

Through our play we’ve already discovered I enjoy breath play and I knew I kinda liked it when I would hold cagedmonkey down. Pinning him to the mattress with my hands or my knees and using my own body and weight to hold him down against his will. We haven’t exactly explored that deeply but after this recent discovery, I’m positive we will.

At first I was very surprised at myself and maybe even a little scared that I would like something like this. I don’t know why I would like it, how could I like it? It so not right, not something a normal person would enjoy. What is wrong with me? Well, one thing that communication with cagedmonkey has done is given me someone to talk to about those feelings. Someone to tell me it’s ok to enjoy something with another consenting adult. There doesn’t have to be an explanation or reason for liking it. We decided awhile back, in exploring these things, that we would stop asking or worrying about why. We would just go with what felt good… as long as we both felt good doing it.

I do believe a spontaneous orgasm would be the classic definition of “sexual gratification” from something. I’m content accepting the fact that I have this “fetish” but what exactly IS this fetish? I do not feel this fits what a sadist is but rather my fetish is about complete control over someone, down to the most basic of needs… like breathing.

Is there a name that describes this intense sexual gratification from control?