Domme

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I realized this morning that I’m starting to feel my mood sink. We got a bit busy coming up to the holidays and some of my control turned way less sexual. The house is hard to keep up with when both of us are working and the kid’s are here, there and everywhere. My control has been a lot more clean this, do this, do that, this kid needs to be here or picked up at this time, type of stuff. While, yes, I love being in charge of everything, I also very much enjoy being in charge sexually and there hasn’t been much time for sexual control. Let alone, after working and coming home to cook and clean and run kids places, the energy level is depleted.

This morning I was sitting here after doing some cleaning and realized that I’m feeling a strong need to Domme cagedmonkey. I texted him this morning and told him, “I need to feel some power over you, I need you to be vulnerable to me. I need to feel you shuddering and whimpering beneath me.” Yeah so that’s where I’m at right now. I’m sitting on the couch fantasizing about him being bound in a vulnerable position where I can do whatever I want to him. Where I can play with whatever part of him I want, make him feel what I want. It could be good, amazing, teasing feelings or maybe I want to give him a little discomfort. I can feel my chest get tight when I think about being a little aggressive and rough with him, that’s how I know I need it… Not just want it! I want to feel him powerless and vulnerable to my touch. I really to want and need to feel him whimpering and begging because he knows I’m controlling every sensation he’s having. I need to feel that change in his body when he realizes there is no use trying to hold out. I am fantasizing about him being tired and used and “done” but I just pick up his head and make him eat my pussy more anyway. 

I want and need a good intense powerful night with my hubby. I’m going to ask, again, if Grandma can take the kids this weekend. I asked her a few days ago but she never got back to me about it. 

I’ve been doing a little thinking about how I want our next chastity and orgasm denial period to go. If you have been following along on our journey, the last period of denial lasted just over 100 days. I had denied cagedmonkey from late last year until our anniversary and vow renewal on Jan 18th. It was fun keeping him so horny and frustrated that long. It’s amazing having him like putty in my hands because he’s so incredibly horny and aching to have me allow him orgasm.

I want to make sure that I explain when I say chastity, that just means that we will continue incorporating the chastity device into our everyday life. Cagedmonkey is in his device just about everyday and has been since October 2013. With the exception of our two week vacation last month. Just because he is in a device does not mean he’s automatically denied orgasm. It means I control if and when he will have sexual pleasure and or orgasm.

I also want to make sure that I explain when I say orgasm denial it means I control when cagedmonkey will be allowed to have a pleasurable orgasmic experience with ejaculation. That does not necessarily mean he will be caged 24/7. It does not mean I won’t milk him or give him an ruined orgasms. It simply means I will lock and unlock the cage to use my toy as I see fit. After all, I do recall me being the keyholder & Domme in this relationship and I am in control. 🙂

As I said our last stint of denial lasted over 100 days which was over 3 months. I don’t see any reason why cagedmonkey can’t make it 6 months. His last orgasm was January 31, 2015 and my plan is to tease, torment, use, abuse and deny him until mid summer. I think we figured 6 months was around July 31st so that’s where I’m aiming. I know a lot will happen in that time. I’m sure we will find a way to get some new toys to play with and I hope to work on my rope skills because I would love to get hubby into some fun predicament bondage. I really think his steel collar will come in handy for that.

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Cagedmonkey's locking steel collar


I’m excited to share this next challenge with you since hubby has never gone that long without an orgasm!

Tonight the kids will be going back to their Friday night activity. It’s a social skills group for kids with Autism (and their siblings) that usually happens once or twice a month. That means hubby and I get about one and a half hours of uninterrupted Date Night. These date nights can range anywhere from a nice night out at a restaurant for dinner to a quick movie at home together and sometimes, like tonight, it can be an intense D/s or tease session depending on how we are feeling. Actually depending on how I’m feeling since, sexually, I control it all. 🙂

I can honestly say I don’t have specific plans for tonight but when hubby asked if he should plan to make dinner I told him no. I said I was in desperate need to dominate him and I needed an intense D/s session. I told him with the very limited amount of time we have I did not want to waste it eating dinner. LoL

I’m already in a very powerful mood this morning. He got home from work and I went in to tuck him into bed. That turned into a half an hour of pretty intense teasing and me getting very aggressive with him. At first I laid with him and was trailing my fingers up and down his naked body. Running them all around his cage but ignoring the locked cock within. I gently dragged my fingers along his stomach and chest, across his nipples and up over his shoulders. I traced all the gorgeous lines of his body and loved hearing him gasp and quietly moan as he got more and more aroused. I could feel the skin get tighter as he swelled in his cage.

I was getting more and more turned on, I could feel my pussy getting wetter and warmer, quivering in my panties. As I was teasing and tickling cagedmonkey, I felt this wonderful surge., a powerful, aggressive feeling came over me. I pinched and pulled his nipples just to hear him moan. I crave hearing his reaction to my touch. I made him moan into my ear, made him whimper and I could feel his breath. It made me extremely horny and I could feel my need to orgasm, simply from his reactions to my touch. It is nothing short of amazing that I feel this with him.

I continued teasing, tickling, pinching and pulling, filling my desire for his reaction. I kept doing it until I pushed myself to the edge of orgasm. Right at the peak I climbed on top of him and rubbed my panty covered pussy on his cock straining in his Jail Bird. I pushed myself over as I humped his body through my orgasm. Fuck, it was fantastic to feel those powerful, “I’ll use you and take what I want from you” feelings again.

As I mentioned, I’m not sure what tonight will bring but I have thought about wearing my new strap on harness. I’ve thought about bending him over and forcing him to be mine. But… who knows, we’ll just have to see what happens tonight! I do know that today, all day, is going to be one hell of a prolonged tease session. I have no plans of letting him get uninterrupted sleep today, he’ll just have to deal with it. 🙂

The last night of our cruise I had trouble sleeping as we headed back to New York City. I could feel, as I started to pack things up that evening, some anxiety thinking about getting back to normal once we got home. I don’t mean getting hubby back to work or the kids to school, grocery shopping or sorting through two weeks of mail. I mean getting back to the beautiful D/s relationship hubby and I have spent the past year and a half exploring. Not only the D/s relationship between hubby and I, but the one I have with my other submissive boys too.

Before we even went on this trip I had decided it was going to be a vacation. A real vacation from everything, our roles, the kinky stuff, everything. Just a nice time to let whatever happens happen. We did have a little sexy time on the trip as I mentioned the sex on the balcony and the mirrors! Ooh boy, those mirrors were amazing! I really cannot explain in words what I felt when I watched the pure joy on cagedmonkey’s face as he held my hips and pounded against my nice round ass. It was like watching my own personal porn seeing how much he was enjoying every second of slamming his cock deep in my pussy. And when he came, that was an amazing sight. It’s not everyday that you get to watch almost secretly as your man’s primal energy takes over and you see the reaction of his entire body while he is exploding a nice hot load of cum deep inside you. It really is something I cannot describe. I just don’t have the words to explain the emotion behind it.

Oh, sorry, got a little side tracked there! 🙂

Anyway, as I was saying, there were some moments of spontaneous sex and hubby had lots of orgasms – about 7 or 8 I’d say which is more than he had all year last year, I think! The thing that wasn’t there on our trip was the D/s part of it. Our FLR was in high gear, I planned things, scheduled the days for the most part, made most of the final decisions (even got overwhelmed by constantly orchestrating everyone’s every move and had a moment because people (kids) get bitchy lol) but during the sex there was no domination from me. There wasn’t really a whole lot from cagedmonkey either. It’s not like either of us took charge of the sex we had on the ship. Well, maybe when he fucked me on the balcony looking out over the ocean, but you get my point.

As we got closer to home, I started thinking about what it would be like when we got back. Would I still be able to be sexually dominant? What about my other subby boys? Could I still be the Domme they desire, creating tasks for them, enforcing my rules? Would I still have that pull over them, have them as my little puppets? Would I even remember how to manipulate those strings? Do I still have it in me to mindfuck them? I could sit here and write about 47 more questions that ran through my head, but I’m sure you get where I’m going with all of this. I’m worried that I’ve lost the confidence to be those things, to remember how, to make it what it was before we left.
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I will say those first few “yes, ma’am’s” after getting home did spark something inside me. I certainly don’t feel like I’m “back” and I’m not sure where my confidence level is at the moment. I really feel like I need a good hardcore D/s session with hubby but I don’t see there being time for anything like that right now. It certainly doesn’t help when mother nature decides she’s going to get in the way. I was all set to give cagedmonkey a good gueening this morning and I stopped in the bathroom, because I’m not into peeing in his mouth and, of course there she is!

So finding my way back among these stupid girlie hormones is proving to be real work. I’m hoping to plan a D/s day with hubby – the kind we can discreetly have in front of the kids – as well as a good pain session with a couple of my other submissive boys as well which I hope will help push me back into my Top role.
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I just took this quiz called “What type of Mistress are you?” First of all I’m not a mistress at all. I am also not a Goddess, Princess or whatever other titles people may go by. I’m a dominant woman and I think there is a difference there. Before I go on with my post here are my results:

Congratulations, you are a very Sensual & Sexual Mistress.
You will use your submissive for your own enjoyment. If your submissive enjoys himself, that is OK, but you will use his body for your own pleasure. You pleasure comes first. You are not out to cause undue pain in your submissive but you realize that some is required for him to stay in line.
You enjoy being in control and you enjoy the pleasure you can take from your submissive. His body is for your use first and foremost.You have a healthy attituded toward sex. You enjoy men, but when you are in control, you will enjoy yourself first and then let him enjoy himself. You would not be a Mistress if your submissive did not also enjoy it. You are a Mistress because both of you enjoy the feelings of letting go and exploring each other.

So, let me start off by telling you I changed the wording in there to read “submissive” because I, in no way, have a slave for a subby hubby, which it suggested. With that said, most of that is pretty accurate about yours truly. I very much use my hubby to satisfy me first and then maybe, just maybe, he gets some, though that’s few and far between these days. I would say I actually do enjoy inflicting some pain because of the reaction it causes. I would also strongly argue that I would, in fact, be a “mistress” or Dominant woman because that’s just who I am. I may not be to the extent that I am if he didn’t enjoy it but that’s why we’re together. We are each other’s perfect compliment.

If you read the earlier posts here you’ll know that way back 15 years ago we had a Tease & Denial Yahoo group. Our little group had over 600 members and each and every one of them called me Ms. Aggressive. Even back then I knew I was not a mistress. Looking back I realize, 15yrs so, I was a very involved and very attentive Dom. We had chats, emails, tasks, pics, video and even audio. Not nearly as easy as we do now with smartphones and cameras at the touch of a finger, but we had it. I will say, I was much younger and inexperienced and didn’t have loads of information available in an instant like we do now. Being so young and naive cagedmonkey and I didn’t have a sense of priority or realize a contract between us may have been a good thing. As I mentioned I was very attentive and involved which meant a lot of time was consumed teasing other men and denying them when in reality the focus should have been on my monkey boy. Eventually we’d gotten married, moved, started fertility treatments to have kids and away went the Yahoo group.

What is my point in all that? I guess my point is that I’ve always been a very involved, attentive and playful Dom. I’m still that way now with my hubby and any other subby boys I may take on. I get to know them deep down, I create personalized goals and tasks for them, I keep track of them individually and build a meaningful relationship with them. It is not the same relationship I have with my husband but it definitely has depth and meaning, support and caring, rewards and punishments similar to my marriage. I do genuinely begin to care for them and what goes on in their lives.

There are some Doms or mistresses that require money for such services – probably a lot for something similar to the attention I give – but that isn’t what I do. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with it, by any means, it’s just not what I do. I like to be the dominant, attentive, involved, cocktease that I am for them. If I receive something for it, gift cards or homemade gifts or anything, I want it to be because I’m awesome at what I do. I want it to be because they appreciate me and not because I require it. I want them to want to show me they care about me, appreciate me and are devoted to me. It pleases me ever so much.

I think it’s important that a submissive know what they need as a submissive. It’s important that a Dom know what they need. I always say how communication it’s important because, IT IS! If you are looking for a generic D/s or M/s relationship where you get the same tasks and goals as any other person who buys them, awesome, that’s easy. If you are looking for an actual relationship, you can’t just sign into Fetlife and meet someone who calls themselves a mistress and expect them to know how to handle you.

The few boys I currently dominate, besides my number one subby hubby, I’ve gotten to know. A couple are in chastity and I hold their keys, those boys are also long distance subs so our interaction is limited to online, email, text messages, etc. All of my boys are required to follow my rules, complete my tasks and accept and complete my punishments. I get to know my boys and I take the time to make their experience very personal. I give them time with me, I support them and encourage them to become better men for their wives or partners or future ones. I strive to keep them healthy and functioning at their best in all they do. I will say that I have some very good subs and, most of the time, they keep me very pleased. I do hope that I do the same for them. I’m actually, publicly going to require that my boys take a minute to reply to this post and write a “review” or testimonial of sorts. I want you boys to really think about what it is I do for you and how it makes you feel. If you’d rather do it anonymously let me know and I’ll post it.

I do have a certain someone who’s a different case, not in chastity and who is local. That’s an entirely different dynamic altogether. Hubby and I pretty much Dom him together, though I am dominant to them all. I love it, it boosts my self esteem knowing how I help them, support them and give them that piece in their lives they may feel is missing.

Anyway, I’m glad I’m the Domme that I am, I’m blessed with a hubby who understands and supports me having these boys. It’s work, but I always prioritize my family and my number one locked up subby boy but I love every minute of it. Thank you to hubby and all my boys for fulfilling me and keeping me pleased like the good boys you are.

[The following is a He Said, She Said featuring, one of my favorite bloggers, Tom Allen. Please take time (after you read my blog! Haha) to visit Tom’s blog. He’s a very experienced man with plenty to say on sexual intimacy and relationships, as well as some of the kinky stuff. Thanks Tom for taking time to write with me! ]

Lady M: Every so often, on my favorite Male Chastity forums, a specific subject comes up. Those guys that are relatively new to chastity and have managed to get their gf, wife or partner into it, run into a road block. It goes a little something like this: A guy wants his woman to take control, he finally gets his otherwise vanilla girl to agree to chastity & gives her the key. He then starts to freak out because he can’t get a hold of his cock for 3 days and asks for the key back. When his girl refuses, because she’s supposed to be in control he gets whiny, nasty, sullen, or even belligerent. She gives in, unlocks him and probably even let’s him cum. Then she feels bad, he feels bad, he apologizes, and the cycle may even start all over again with another attempt at lock up.

Surprisingly enough this is a pretty common issue that comes up early on. A lot of times
on the forums the response is “you asked for this” or “you’re locked up now, you have to deal with it and do what she says.” While ultimately that is the goal, chastity has a learning curve and not all guys are perfectly submissive and not all women are Dominant to the bone.

Tom Allen: Orgasm control/denial is a really odd kink. For most guys, the kink is really about the control, rather than the orgasm itself. Sexual pleasure is a very powerful force, and most OD kinksters have the fantasy of having the control of that pleasure taken out of their hands, so to speak.

When men are aroused, their judgment is sometimes clouded by the sexy-horny-aroused feelings that are churning away, and they will paradoxically masturbate furiously to the fantasy of a stern mistress who will not allow them to have an orgasm. In real life, however, most men are married or partnered with regular women who don’t understand their desire to be controlled. A chastity device should make this easier, right? Just lock it up and go about your business.

Ironically, though, the device actually makes it more difficult for most guys. Men wearing a device, especially if they are new at it, have a constant reminder that they are not allowed to touch themselves, not allowed to wank, and not allowed an orgasm. The device needs constant adjustment, and even a brief tumescence results in what often feels like the firm grip of a loving hand, sending more signals of arousal into their primitive brains.

The problems come when they begin to overload on the arousal. In the way that a cup of coffee is a nice start to the day, but five cups leave you jittery and snappish, a few days of arousal gives you a nice glow, but by the end of the week, you’re irritable from not being able to calm down. This is where the fantasy of a strict Domme runs smack into the wall of a real life relationship: In the fantasy, you’re always feeling submissive, or if you’re not, then your Domme just gives you a few smacks on your ass with the riding crop to change your attitude. In real life, your partner is pretty tired of your whining, complaining, pouting, or bitching, and is ready to give you back the key for good.

Lady M: I hear all too often, how other Keyholders are angry or upset or need advice on how to handle their guys when they get like this. They feel confused because these guys just asked them to take control of their dick and now they are being whiny, crabby and sometimes flat out mean. It can be very stressful on a woman to be a Keyholder, especially when she isn’t particularly dominant. When their guys get like that most feel like, “what the hell am I doing this for, this isn’t worth it” or “why am I putting up with this, this isn’t fun or a turn on.” I’m assuming there are plenty of emotions running through a guys head too, but I’m sure you can speak to that better than I can, Tom. After all you have the locked up cock, not me. 🙂

Tom Allen: Most guys simply are not prepared for the roller-coaster of arousal and frustration that they experience when they are first denied, and some do not handle it well at all. Instead of being submissive or appreciative, they become irritated and clingy, and develop a need for constant attention.

To be fair, though, many chastity newbs have rarely or never, gone for more than a couple of days without an orgasm, and are completely at a loss as to how to handle the constant arousal. In addition, the arousal triggers hormones, which in turn affect their emotions. While it’s a sweeping generalization to say that men don’t handle their feelings well, it may be correct to say that they don’t know how to handle the constantly changing emotions that have suddenly been dumped into their bodies.

Some guys learn to deal with it. Unfortunately, some don’t, and they unintentionally lash out at their partner for doing exactly what they were asked to do in the first place.

Lady M: There are a few ways a more vanilla woman can handle the situation. Sometimes it is as simple as telling them to suck it up… if the Keyholder is strong enough to deal with the whiny behavior. Perhaps she wants to punish him for that behavior and spank him etc. Honestly, though, not all women are overly dominant and aren’t into correcting behavior like that. Most women are dealing with the everyday, cleaning the house, working, taking care of kids and already dealing with their kids behavior and correcting them. At least I know I am being a stay at home mom! It’s not easy adding to that but in the end we do benefit once it falls into place.

Tom Allen: The trope in the chastity world is that once the guy is locked up, he immediately “has to do whatever she says” if he is going to get any kind of relief or release. In reality, most of us are living normal lives, working, mowing the lawn, going to school plays, cleaning the gutters, paying bills, and doing all of that within the context of a relationship. If your partner doesn’t normally “correct” your attitude or behavior with a spanking (or whatever), then even if she suddenly switched from June Cleaver to Mistress Cruella, chances are that you’re still not going to suddenly switch off your crankiness.

And let me take a moment to mention that the Mistress Cruella trope is a typically male-driven fantasy, anyhow. Most women when they take a dominant role that’s of their own choosing (as opposed to play-acting for a partner) tend to demand attention and obedience from a loving and respectful servant; they do not typically think in terms of harsh treatment and punishment. The men who are imagining their partners in such a role are already setting themselves up for disappointment.

Lady M: Leaving the keys out of it is one way. You can do this by giving them to a friend, a fellow Keyholder or store it in another location, etc. There are also a number of dice games, card games and other games that decide the length of lock up… though doing something like that ultimately removes some control that a Keyholder is supposed to have. Most guys want their woman to control when, where and for how long he has his cock locked up in a cage as well as when and how he will orgasm. This definitely isn’t the way I handle things because I need to be in complete control. I guess that makes me a control freak hehe. I will say we did try to go by the “set date” thing and I just felt bad when I would unlock early because I wanted to… that’s when I realized I AM in control and I can change the rules anytime I want.

Tom Allen: I have mixed feelings on this. Mrs. Edge and I have always agreed that she should have 100% control, so we never had a point system, dice games, XX number of days, etc., because all of those things removed or mitigated her control. That said, Mrs. Edge, herself, discovered that she liked having 100% of the control, so what we did worked for us.

I do understand that some women don’t care about the control, or would prefer not to have to deal with a partner that is whining or complaining. Using a random number, like a dart toss or a dice roll removes some of the responsibility, so she can tell her partner “Hey, don’t be mad at me, you rolled a double 6, remember?”

An aside: Mrs. Edge often left her key at work, but that was so she, herself, wouldn’t be tempted to use it. Sometimes she set a time period in her own mind (I was never told how long it would be), and she found it easier to leave her key inaccessible so she wouldn’t have to break her own promise to herself. Women are weird.

Lady M: A woman can also handle it in another way that isn’t usually brought up because it seems to be a more vanilla, not so dominant way of doing things.  Sometimes, giving a chaste guy more attention (especially in the beginning) helps, even praising while teasing. Saying things like “You’re doing so good handling my teasing” or “Only  a few more days to go, I’m really proud of you.”

Tom Allen: I don’t think that this is just a vanilla approach. In fact, since I never knew how long she expected me to hold out for, I found it helpful for her to suggest things like “You’re doing really well, you can hold out another week for me, can’t you? Come on, just one more week?” With that approach, she used to keep me going for months at a time.

Lady M: Although I am super lucky that I don’t have to deal with these situations too often, as I have a pretty obedient subby hubby. He understands he’s given up control… but nothing’s perfect and it does happen in even the best situations. I tend to deal with the crabbies in a mix of these ways and can do the hardass “too bad, deal with it” thing as well as the “awww poor baby” thing and it seems to get us through well enough. I like to think I’m pretty strong and stubborn and my dominance is built in deep.

Tom Allen: People, and their relationships, are so variable that there probably isn’t one thing that will work better, or even consistently. I’ve always cautioned men who are new to chastity devices to approach things slowly, and to give themselves time to adjust to wearing a device; it can often take weeks before your body adapts to 24/7 wear. I guess that I should also caution them that it may take quite some time to adapt to the emotional fluctuations that they will likely experience.

My suggestion to women who find themselves in this situation is to not believe your partner if he asks for a lengthy period of lock up, unless he has been working himself up to it for weeks or months. And if you already are holding your partner’s key, and he reacts negatively, try not to react out of anger. Instead, try to understand that he has not developed the coping skills to handle long periods of denial, and that he will need your help in learning to see the changes he’s going through. Ask him if he’s sure that he wants the key back, or if he can wait one more day. Just a day, and then you’ll check in with him again. Some men will take the key, and then feel embarrassed later at their lack of resolve. Others will probably take the key once, and then the next time remember how they felt, and try to hold off for a little longer. And some will manage to calm themselves down once they realize that they can, if they needed, have you remove the device.

I know that this sounds like a lot of work on the part of the (probably reluctant) keyholder. It probably will be, at first, but the payoff is that once your partner realizes just how much work you were willing to do in order to make him happy, he will be willing to return the effort to show his appreciation. Once he learns how to cope, that is