denial

All posts tagged denial

I was asked this really great question recently so I thought I would take a minute to write here about it. I’m sure some of our readers who are in control would appreciate it. Then again, some of you in the submissive role may like to know this stuff too. 

“…doesn’t it make you feel bad sometimes when you deny your hubby for so so long? Do you ever feel guilty?”

There actually was a time, when we first started this whole chastity and longer term denial thing, that I would describe my feelings as guilt. Now that we are almost 4 years into this there are zero feelings of guilt. There doesn’t need to be any. 4 years ago my hubby asked me to take control of his sexual pleasure. He wanted me to be the one to decide if, when and how he would orgasm. I gladly accepted that role and took control over that pleasure for him. So why would I feel guilty about giving him something he wanted in the first place? That’s something us dominant types can forget sometimes… but when someone completely offers themselves to us we need to not feel guilty about accepting the responsibility.

Cagedmonkey naturally craves and needs to be controlled and I naturally crave and need to be in control. It makes us both feel fulfilled and content in our relationship and in our life. It fits us so well to accept these roles. 

So, in short, no I don’t feel bad or guilty about denying him orgasm or even keeping him locked in that steel cage and even controlling him to the point of when he gets a full erection. I love knowing that he is THAT controlled, down to something even HE can’t control! I love knowing he has a pretty constant reminder of me and the fact that I control him and he sexual organs and pleasure. It’s mine to enjoy, he gave me that. He offered me that gift and it’s one of the best things and shows such deep love and respect and, more importantly, trust. It makes me feel great, not guilty! 

Ugh… NO!!!

I recently got, yet another, email about locking up a guy. I get them pretty often but just about every time I get one, I need to respond with something along the lines of you can’t just lock up a guys cock and throw away the key. I do want to mention, I know there could be a guy or two out there that does actually want to be locked up, have the key thrown away and their dick completely unused and forgotten about. As a matter of fact, I have such a boy, who’s key I hold, that enjoys the fact that there is nothing he can do or say to get his key back or get his cock unlocked… ever. There is really no use for his puny little cock. That is something that is few and far between and even in his circumstance, I STILL keep him mentally teased and reminded of his predicament every so often.

Male chastity with a spouse or partner, however, is usually not about not having sex or not having to “deal” with your guy once he’s locked up. If anything, it might be more work when you’ve got someone under lock and key. I’ve written about this plenty of times and I’ve even done a podcast on it. When you get a guy to give up control of his most intimate parts, he’s also giving you an incredible amount of trust. He’s trusting that you won’t lock up his dick and forget about it. He needs to know that you enjoy having him locked up as much as he enjoys being locked up for you. He may have a constant physical reminder of who owns his cock but there definitely needs to be some consistent mental reminders. Especially those amazing mindfucks that cause him to press and struggle against the cage, aching to be released. 

I really can’t stress enough about how important it is to give attention to the one you control. Your words, alone, can have a huge impact on how their time in chastity will be. When I say you need to give attention, I’m not necessarily talking about constant physical attention. I do think there needs to be some of that as well but, more than that, the mental side of things will certainly keep your guy from getting lonely. One of the most important things to remember, when locking up a guy, is that it’s going to be work. You do not want them getting lonely and feeling sexually forgotten about. I’m pretty sure I even have a blog post here with lots of ideas of how to keep your guy mentally mindfucked and well teased while locked up. Look around a bit.

I’ve spent the last few days teasing, stroking, using and edging cagedmonkey’s achy cock. As you know I have told him that he won’t be cumming until we are in our new house!! Hehe

I’ve had a lot of fun having him unlocked, at night, the past few days. The night before last I think I stroked and edged him close to a hour. He went from wriggling around and moaning to pretty much passing out on me. It was actually such a great feeling that I was doing that to him. I was taking him to a place that he couldn’t escape from. Such an amazing amount of power to get someone to that point. At least that is how it feels to me. I really do love the power and control that I have over cagedmonkey sexually. It drives me, gives me passion and propose. 

I’m SO lucky to have him and that he enjoys the tease and denial and the level of intense control I have over his sexual bits! 

I bet you expected to see this post from Cagedmonkey, huh? Well, too bad, it’s from me. We are just about at the tenth month of this year long orgasm denial which, in itself, is pretty amazing. I’m pretty proud of myself for getting this far through this. So toward the end of last year, when we talked about this whole year long denial we always said if I wanted to stop for any reason we would. If it ever wasn’t fun anymore, or we weren’t enjoying it, we would stop. There is no way I would take something like that lightly or just decide on a whim that I was done.

For about the last month I’ve had off and on feelings about this whole year of denial thing. I’ve thought a lot about if I want to continue. It’s taken me about a month to finally get to a point where I knew I needed to actually make a decision. I noticed, recently, that when I thought about the denial, I’d almost start feeling down about it. Even more recently, thinking about sex was making me feel horny and, yes, excited but also I felt down… I’d start to feel blah and almost not want to have sex. Not that I didn’t want to but that feeling was there. I had to ask myself, why? Well, that why is because sex, for me, was not feeling satisfying. I wasn’t feeling fulfilled after. Yes, I get to cum and get pleased like crazy all the time but for some reason not seeing and feeling CM satisfied (especially inside me) is not giving me what I need. There is some part of our intimacy missing and it’s that moment when we are both in an intensely sexy moment, feeling that amazing feeling that I’m missing. In a way I feel sort of let down and maybe kind of lacking because I’m not getting his satisfaction. It’s so weird, I know, but that’s how it is.

I guess it’s difficult to explain how hard it is to keep someone denied for so long when you’re sexual with them on a daily basis. Sex, for me right now, just feels incomplete. I feel like I’m left hanging and really I am not one who enjoys denial or frustration. As much as I love denying him and frustrating him, I do still love seeing his satisfaction. It makes me feel good and like I’m doing something right. Like I said, it’s weird and hard to explain but it’s just what it is.

Someone asked earlier today, when I was telling them about all this, what is so important about the 12 months? What made us decide to do it? Honestly, there isn’t anything all that important about it. It was just something to try after trying so many other things lol. We really just wanted to see if we could do it, I guess. Other than I know I could do it, the past 10 months has helped me see that I actually do need to see and feel CM satisfied, at least once in a while! 

So, give it a couple days and then feel free to ask CM how it feels to cum after being teased and denied his orgasm for about ten months! Haha 🙂 I guess he’ll know, at some point, I’m going to tell him to cum after he reads this! 

Monkey in a Cage is back with another episode of the podcast! I know it’s been a little bit since we’ve gotten one up but here it is. If you follow us or subscribe to our podcast on Soundcloud.com you already got the notification that we posted a new podcast. Go you!!

Cagedmonkey and I were quite inspired by Drunk History, so in this episode we decided it might be fun to answer some questions from our readers and followers on a podcast while intoxicated. We were asked some questions about pegging, how it feels teasing and communication. Thank you again to our followers who asked questions on Twitter before and during our recording. We didn’t do a whole lot of editing to this so you get to hear all of the drunken slurs and tangents we get off on. We hope you enjoy!! 🙂

Click here to listen to our podcast on Soundcloud.com.

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Today I’ve been extremely horny. Before hubby left for work I had him eat my pussy to a couple of good orgasms. I’m pretty sure this is hubby’s favorite time of the month. I usually have a really horny few days or so before I start my monthly cycle. That happens to be right now so I spent part of the morning, after getting kids off to school and starting dishes and laundry, doing my best to tease hubby and sent him a few pictures.

I had this craving earlier to just turn my wand on low and just let it sit on my clit and have it drag me slowly to an orgasm. It’s so nice just letting it go and build and build. I love, sometimes, letting hubby just lick and lick and having his mouth and tongue get me going, slowly building me up to a big orgasm. Most of the time I’m not having him spend too long down there because it feels so good and I just want to cum. So today I messaged back and forth with him, telling him everything I was doing and thinking about. I told him, for some reason, I was having some really dirty, naughty thoughts. I was thinking about wearing my strap on and seeing him kneeling in front of me, looking up at me as I force him to be kinda slutty for me. I imagined seeing him there, eyes watering after I made him gag a few times. I guess I’m getting into a using him mood. Whatever my mood it’s a wonderful horny mood making my pussy nice and wet and making me want to tease hubby bad!

Of course cumming like that only made me a bit hornier so I had to get out “Adam” and give myself a good filling up. With that first orgasm, I started craving that feeling and really wanted to feel CM’s big thick cock stretching my pussy and filling me up but my toys had to take his place since he’s at work. So I set that wand on my clit again, slid “Adam” easily into me. I was already so wet and horny, I took it no problem! It really was not long at all before I was clamping down on that lifelike dildo and it wasn’t much longer that my tight pussy was squeezing it right out as I came. My pussy was such a mess after that and I only wish I would have had subby hubby here to clean it up afterwards. 

Finally! After the crazy week with the trip to the ER, Monkey in a Cage is back with another episode of the podcast! Sorry it’s taken a little extra long. If you follow us on Soundcloud.com you already got the notification that we posted a new podcast.

In this latest episode I interview cagedmonkey about how he actually manages to hold off having an orgasm while being denied almost 9 months and still being allowed PIV (that’s penis in vagina) sex. We hope you enjoy and please feel free to let us know what you want to hear about in the future.

Click here to listen to our podcast on Soundcloud.com.

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You would think with that kind of title that I would have set myself an alarm and edged cagedmonkey all through the night. However, instead I made HIM edge himself, all night long… in my pussy! I unlocked him last night to tease him and get myself as much of him as I could since he’s leaving today on an overnight business trip. I gave him a pretty good teasing and edging but sitting between his legs on the bed and stroking him and making him watch ass he came so close to exploding over 8 months of cum on my huge boobs. I gave him an awfully nice tittie fuck (sorry guys, no pics!) And then I made him “sex me” as we’ve so loving started calling it. I just love how it feels when his big thick cock stretches my tight pussy. I love how it feels when he slides out and gives me those looooooong thrusts, pressing deep into my warm softness. It doesn’t even bother me one bit that he can only manage a few thrusts before he needs to stop and get himself under control before he cums without permission. It makes me feel good, actually, that I’ve gotten him to that point. I have teased, edged, tortured and denied him so much that he’s super sensitive and just ready to explode any minute. At one point when I made him edge a little further than he wanted (by humping back up at him) and I giggled as I said “aww I’m so mean to you.” Truth is, I know I’m not mean, I know this is what he wants, what I want, what WE want and I absolutely love it and get such a happy, joyful feeling from seeing his frustration. I have no idea why I love to see a man so frustrated at my hand but I do, I love it intensely. 🙂

Once we were done doing the sexing thing, we said it was time for bed. I had plans though, since he’s going to be gone and I won’t have time to physically play with him I decided he had to be edged all night. I certainly wasn’t going to wake up and do it so I required him to wake up through the night, get himself hard and use my pussy (while I was asleep or not) to edge himself, over and over again, all night long. I don’t know how many times it was that he woke up to spoon me and slide that horny hard cock in my pussy but I do remember how it felt. I admit, I loved being woken up to my pussy being stretched and feeling his cock running against my g-spot. I’m not even tired this morning from it, I thought I would be but I’m not. Which means I’m more likely to do something like this again in the future. 

Cagedmonkey may be going away for the night on business but that doesn’t mean I won’t be sending along a few things to help him remember who owns and controls his sexual pleasure. Not to mention, I’ll be overloading his inbox with sexy pictures and reminders of how much I love him, want him, desire him and love to tease and deny him. 

I often get asked by submissive (guys mostly) if I think they are doing a good job at pleasing their Mistress/Dominant partner. I honestly have to tell them, “I don’t know!” They will describe the things they do and they certainly seem pleasing to me. I even get asked for ideas on how to please their Mistress… that is the most difficult question because I am not their Dominant and everyone on this planet (and I assume on other planets lol) is different and what is pleasing to one person may not be pleasing to another – the most important thing here is communication. That’s what I’m talking about here, click to have a listen to my latest raw, unscripted Podcast.

As I said in my podcast here are a couple links to some posts I think would be helpful.

Praise & Reassurance

It’s the Little Things

A Little Tease Here, A Little Tease There

Tease Techniques

I’m sure there are other posts here, over the past almost 3 years that would be helpful. Feel free to use the search bar at the top right of the page and hopefully you can find something that will help you along on your journey. If not, send me a message and let’s chat! Thanks again for reading and listening and I look forward to hearing your thoughts so please feel free to comment!

Today, for some odd reason, out of no where I was having a bit of “drop.” I was feeling off and emotional and REALLY missing cagedmonkey while he was at work. I could feel my thoughts race, it felt like a roller coaster. I even caught myself wondering if I should just make him cum and forget this whole denial thing. I missed him so much today that my mind was racing through ways I could feel him… Making him cum is a huge way to feel him and connect with him. It’s been 173 days since he’s had an orgasm… He’s not quite half way there yet.

I don’t really want him to cum and I’m feeling much better this evening but this whole thing isn’t that easy on a wife who happens to be a keyholder to her one and only love. Who she happens to REALLY, REALLY like sex with! Haha I really am living how incredibly horny cagedmonkey is, how badly he wants to cum when he’s being teased and edged. I will say that I don’t feel there is much difference between how horny he gets at 3 or 4 months to how horny he is now… Just sayin’

It might be time to do some extended lock up. Perhaps some No look, No touch? What do you think?