chastity

All posts tagged chastity

I get asked this a lot: what does it feel like to wear a chastity device? Does it always feel weird? Does it ever get comfortable? How is it possible to live a normal life when your cock and balls are locked into a steel cage?

Well, it’s sort of like any other new thing: it takes some getting used to, but it becomes normal after a while. It’s almost like a piece of jewelry that you need to get used to wearing… except that it’s padlocked to your junk.

I remember when ML and I first got married, I was very much aware of my wedding ring when I was wearing it. I’d play with it, fiddle with it, and I could feel it between my fingers. I wasn’t used to it, so it felt really weird. But now, after more than 13 years of marriage, wearing it is more normal to me than not wearing it is.

Obviously, I haven’t been wearing the chastity cage for 13 years (although, sometimes, it seems like it’s that long between erections!). But I have been wearing it for a decent amount of time – it’s getting close to 4 years of being in chastity, going to work wearing my device, sleeping with it on, etc. It’s part of my normal routine now.

In fact, it feels different now when I’m not wearing it rather than when I am. Now, I’m surprised when I reach down to adjust myself and I don’t feel the hard steel of the Jailbird. I’m reflexively careful when I wrestle or snuggle with the kids, automatically trying to avoid an awkward explanation. Sometimes I even surprise myself when I go to use the bathroom and I find myself uncaged, completely forgetting that My Lady had unlocked me earlier that day. I’m just so used to being in chastity for ML, I hardly ever give it a second thought.

That’s not to say that wearing the chastity cage is always as comfortable as can be. There are times when I get so hard and full in the cage that it’s almost painful. Sometimes I get woken up in the middle of the night by my cock fighting a losing battle against the steel bars locked around it, and the only way I can get back to sleep is by reading or playing games on my phone until my cock calms down.


See how badly I’m bulging against the bars in that pic… doesn’t look all that comfortable, does it? Honestly, it’s not… but it really is worth it. It’s worth the time getting used to it in order to wear the cage for My Lady, to be able to be locked and kept for her. It doesn’t start out natural, but it becomes natural.

I was asked this really great question recently so I thought I would take a minute to write here about it. I’m sure some of our readers who are in control would appreciate it. Then again, some of you in the submissive role may like to know this stuff too. 

“…doesn’t it make you feel bad sometimes when you deny your hubby for so so long? Do you ever feel guilty?”

There actually was a time, when we first started this whole chastity and longer term denial thing, that I would describe my feelings as guilt. Now that we are almost 4 years into this there are zero feelings of guilt. There doesn’t need to be any. 4 years ago my hubby asked me to take control of his sexual pleasure. He wanted me to be the one to decide if, when and how he would orgasm. I gladly accepted that role and took control over that pleasure for him. So why would I feel guilty about giving him something he wanted in the first place? That’s something us dominant types can forget sometimes… but when someone completely offers themselves to us we need to not feel guilty about accepting the responsibility.

Cagedmonkey naturally craves and needs to be controlled and I naturally crave and need to be in control. It makes us both feel fulfilled and content in our relationship and in our life. It fits us so well to accept these roles. 

So, in short, no I don’t feel bad or guilty about denying him orgasm or even keeping him locked in that steel cage and even controlling him to the point of when he gets a full erection. I love knowing that he is THAT controlled, down to something even HE can’t control! I love knowing he has a pretty constant reminder of me and the fact that I control him and he sexual organs and pleasure. It’s mine to enjoy, he gave me that. He offered me that gift and it’s one of the best things and shows such deep love and respect and, more importantly, trust. It makes me feel great, not guilty! 

Ugh… NO!!!

I recently got, yet another, email about locking up a guy. I get them pretty often but just about every time I get one, I need to respond with something along the lines of you can’t just lock up a guys cock and throw away the key. I do want to mention, I know there could be a guy or two out there that does actually want to be locked up, have the key thrown away and their dick completely unused and forgotten about. As a matter of fact, I have such a boy, who’s key I hold, that enjoys the fact that there is nothing he can do or say to get his key back or get his cock unlocked… ever. There is really no use for his puny little cock. That is something that is few and far between and even in his circumstance, I STILL keep him mentally teased and reminded of his predicament every so often.

Male chastity with a spouse or partner, however, is usually not about not having sex or not having to “deal” with your guy once he’s locked up. If anything, it might be more work when you’ve got someone under lock and key. I’ve written about this plenty of times and I’ve even done a podcast on it. When you get a guy to give up control of his most intimate parts, he’s also giving you an incredible amount of trust. He’s trusting that you won’t lock up his dick and forget about it. He needs to know that you enjoy having him locked up as much as he enjoys being locked up for you. He may have a constant physical reminder of who owns his cock but there definitely needs to be some consistent mental reminders. Especially those amazing mindfucks that cause him to press and struggle against the cage, aching to be released. 

I really can’t stress enough about how important it is to give attention to the one you control. Your words, alone, can have a huge impact on how their time in chastity will be. When I say you need to give attention, I’m not necessarily talking about constant physical attention. I do think there needs to be some of that as well but, more than that, the mental side of things will certainly keep your guy from getting lonely. One of the most important things to remember, when locking up a guy, is that it’s going to be work. You do not want them getting lonely and feeling sexually forgotten about. I’m pretty sure I even have a blog post here with lots of ideas of how to keep your guy mentally mindfucked and well teased while locked up. Look around a bit.

I’ve spent the last few days teasing, stroking, using and edging cagedmonkey’s achy cock. As you know I have told him that he won’t be cumming until we are in our new house!! Hehe

I’ve had a lot of fun having him unlocked, at night, the past few days. The night before last I think I stroked and edged him close to a hour. He went from wriggling around and moaning to pretty much passing out on me. It was actually such a great feeling that I was doing that to him. I was taking him to a place that he couldn’t escape from. Such an amazing amount of power to get someone to that point. At least that is how it feels to me. I really do love the power and control that I have over cagedmonkey sexually. It drives me, gives me passion and propose. 

I’m SO lucky to have him and that he enjoys the tease and denial and the level of intense control I have over his sexual bits! 

Last night, My Lady finally unlocked me after 30 days of 24/7 chastity. She also allowed me inside her pussy. She also allowed me to cum inside her.

What a relief!

I was a little bit nervous that, after a month of no erections, that it would be a little painful – in the past, I’ve been able to feel the skin on my cock stretching after such a long time without getting hard. It was only temporary, but it wasn’t very pleasant. But, thankfully, there was none of that this time around. The only problem was the issue of hairiness – I wasn’t able to shave everywhere with the cage on, so I have about a month of overgrowth down there. I didn’t get a chance to take care of it, because I was back in the cage this morning before leaving for work.

So, who knows… I may end up with another month of growth down there before I get a chance to shave… or more?

I realized today means quite a bit to me. November 21, 2013 has such a depth for me and I realized it when I was looking back at those silly memory things on Facebook. It means more than the day cagedmonkey handed me the keys to his chastity cage and asked that I take control of the most intimate parts of himself. That day, in itself, was such a beautiful moment, him kneeling in front of me and telling me that nothing would make him happier than for me to accept the keys and take full control. I do wish I could remember those exact words but the moment sticks in my mind anyway. 

However, wearing a chastity device, a removable device, is one thing but agreeing to be permanently marked, showing your devotion and submission and your love is something completely deeper. Today, three years ago, I took cagedmonkey to get his Chastity tattoo and I absolutely love that he has given himself completely to me. I am his and he is mine, we belong to each other and with each other. I can feel it every time I touch his skin. Almost 17 years later and it still feels electric. It’s comforting feeling his arms around me. 

Thank you, my darling subby hubby, for being mine and not being afraid to make it permanent and forever. I will forever wear your key as you wear my lock!

Very recently Cagedmonkey and I have gotten a crap load of questions, lol and while some we answered specifically to those that asked already we thought the majority could be answered in a post in case any of your were interested in this stuff too. We always encourage people to ask questions and love taking the time to answer either privately or publicly so thanks to those who have asked. We appreciate your interaction and look forward to hearing from you again!! 🙂

Q: Do you see a time in your relationship when you’ll stop chastity?

A: Interesting question… NO! haha Cagedmonkey and I have actually talked about this a lot over the years and it’s comforting to both of us, I think, that neither of us want us to quit this or ever be done with the chastity. We have talked about, even as we age and may not be able to do some of the more hardcore things , we will continue and always have the chastity part of it all.

Q: Would you ever cuckold your husband while he is in chastity or is that something you are not into?

A: This is actually something we’ve talked about a bit. As far as the traditional (is it really traditional at all?) way of cuckolding, no, that is not something I would be willing to do. I am not really looking to have actual sex with other men. However, as we wrote in this post about, what we call, Pseudo-Cuckolding the whole idea of it is kinda hot and the little bit of jealousy of flirting with other men is a hot thing but neither of us have a desire for me to have sex with other men. Women on the other hand, that’s another story…

Q: What are your thoughts of ruined orgasm’s? do you do them, like them, hate them?

A:
Lady M – Oh I LOVE ruined orgasms and, of course, we do them! 🙂 They are really some of my favorite things in tease and denial. I absolutely LOVE when I can get CM right to the point of a ruined orgasm yet NOT give him one. That is a spot where I say I “broke it.” What that means is that I didn’t fully ruin his orgasm but his dick is all confused wondering what the fuck just happened and then I can practically use it as much as I want and he wont cum for a bit until his penis figures out it really didn’t cum! I’m totally smiling writing this and describing it!
CM – Yes, like ML said we do them and I hate them and hate how frustrating they are. I also try very hard not to have them but My Lady is extremely good at forcing them to happen whether I like it or not.

Q: Do you think chastity would work for anyone or does it take a certain relationship dynamic to make it work?

A: I think CM and I both agree on this that it takes a certain kind of person and relationship to actually enjoy chastity play. There has to be the right frame of mind, as we have said, chastity is not a lock it and leave it thing. There is work involved on both sides… unless of course being locked up and forgotten about is your thing. There is a LOT of emotional well being that needs to be considered when getting into chastity. It’s not just a steel (or plastic or resin) cage locked on your cock – there is a shit ton of mindfuckery that HAS to go along with it.

Q: “I just recently found your blog, and was wondering what your experience with the mature metal cage has been. Back in the day, we had a CB2000, but found it difficult to maintain long term chastity due to nighttime erections and swelling. Wondering if you have encountered these issues and how you dealt with it. Thanks.”

A: Mature Metal is really great, no buts about it (and, no, that’s not a paid advertisement, lol). It sounds like the problems you were having weren’t device related; nighttime erections are a pretty normal thing. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I need to do math in my head to get myself under control!

Swelling could be another issue – it could be normal attempted erections, but it also could be a sign that you need to adjust your cage measurements. If your cage is comfortable, it’s probably just that your cock wants to get hard but it can’t.

Q:  I noticed you have a long list of kinks that I absolutely love and a lot I’m curious about. Do you and your husband have any particular favorites?

A: I think our main kinks are tease, orgasm control, chastity, spanking and bondage… I mean we touch on a lot of different fetishes and kinks but those are probably most often.

Q: How is cagedmonkey enjoying his freedom since you let him cum after 10 months?

A: Oh, I’m sorry, were you under the assumption that I let cagemonkey out of his cage and left him unlocked after he got his long awaited orgasm? HAHAHA NOOOOOOO!!!!!! He was unlocked and I got what I needed, I did allow him to sleep uncaged that night but he was locked back up in the morning just like he is everyday. 🙂

 

Thank you all so much for the questions again! I love when we get a big rush of questions come in from all over the place, it’s so much fun to write about them but also it gets CM and I talking about all this stuff and keeps our communication open! Please, email, Twitter, Fetlife, where ever you contact us, please keep them coming. It’s extremely therapeutic!! 🙂

I used to think that sex before bed was the most amazing thing. Don’t get me wrong, it still is awesome, you make the sweet sweet love, have fantastic orgasms and fall asleep in each other’s arms, right? Well, not exactly! See, in our relationship sex is different, still awesome as hell, but different. Let me describe for you the way it works now, with a husband locked in chastity.

We head to bed and start running hands all over each other, kissing, licking, groping. Getting each other turned on and even more horny. Then, as my hand slides down my husbands chest and stomach, I feel that harness start near his pubic bone and then… that hard steel ring and cage encasing a cock that is trying to burst out. As much as I would love to feel that cock inside me right that second, there is a delay as we try to get his cock out of the cage so I have can it and feel him. The struggle is real people haha! Once he is out of the cage and we do manage to have sex, I am usually the only one who cums… Then we roll over and go to sleep, me satisfied and him laying there frustrated and more horny.  which in itself is a pretty fantastic thing but it’s not like it is in a traditional relationship.

I used to think that having sex and going to bed with my husband was so awesome but what I’ve realized over the past little bit is that not having that connection with him after sex makes me feel lonely and wanting, almost.  Trust me, I’m totally not complaining about having any kind of sex lol we have sex, period, and that is amazing. What I’m getting at is that I have found that morning sex is incredible for me! It really invigorates me and gets me going and starts my day in an amazing way. We wake up, we have super awesome sex and then I get to spend about 45 mins with him before he leaves for work. It just leaves me with such amazing feelings in the morning, and sometimes I’ve left even more horny too!  it’s like getting my morning coffee injection! LoL

Anyway, I just find it interesting, as I get older, how things change. How the way I feel about things changes. I love having any kind of sexual intimacy with my husband and being able to have that continued connection with him. It certainly helps after intense scenes so I don’t have Domme drop and it helps in general to have that connection. 

Do any of you (or your wives/girlfriends) feel that way? Have you noticed things like this too?

Recently I’ve had a few people asking me about the key I wear on a necklace around my neck. They key they are talking about is the key to my husband chastity cage. More specifically it is the key that loosens the security screw we use to keep his cage locked on his junk. 🙂 I have a picture (on the contact page, maybe) that shows the padlock key I used to wear before getting the security screw from Mature Metal. However we realized that having the screw was much more convenient, quieter and less bulky. 

Back when I ordered the security screw option I found out it came with two keys. One we use as an emergency key that hubby keeps on his keyring and it’s tamper evident. That one is the regular size. I asked Mistress MM if it would be possible to cut a key shorter because I didn’t want to have a long metal pendant that would draw attention to itself. The shorter one does that just fine! Anyway, Mistress MM told me that the key could be cut shorter and redrilled so that it was small enough to wear on a necklace. There is a very small fee associated with resizing the key but in my opinion, it’s worth $25. 

My key is cut to one inch total. If I remember right that is about 3/4 of an inch smaller than the normal size of the key. One thing I want to mention is to make sure you get yourself a good rope style chain for the key with a clasp that fits through the hole! It would be a good idea to get the necklace after you get the key, just to make sure it fits. It is still possible to use my key to unscrew the security screw, though it is more difficult than using the regular length key. 

I know that Mature Metal can get a bit more creative and custom about their keys but keep in mind the more creative you want your key, they more expensive it might be due to the handmade nature of it all. If you are interested in shortening your key for your keyholder you just need to let Mistress MM know and it will be done! 🙂 She’s extremely good like that. She even knows what you mean if you mention you want the “key like Lady M wears.” Hehe 🙂

Hope this helps! 

My Lady sprung a little surprise on me while I was at work today by sending me the following email:

What are your thoughts on a “no look, no touch” period?

I’m thinking anytime I unlock you, you will be blindfolded and restrained. You can’t shower uncaged, unless you are blindfolded and I’m with you in there cleaning you…

How can I say no to that?

(Well, technically I can’t say no to anything, really. That’s what our D/s relationship is all about.)

It’s been quite a while since ML and I have done “no look no touch.” In fact, I don’t think we’ve done much of it year, if at all – with all of the job nuttiness and then throwing an interstate move on the pile, there wasn’t much room in our lives for that type of project. And it is a project – whenever I need a shave or when ML wants to use my cock for her pleasure, I need to be tied down and blindfolded. It’s more of an undertaking than it seems.

However, now is a great time to reintroduce it into our routine. Our bed is extremely bondage-friendly, which comes in handy. Also, ML has been wanting to practice her rope-work for a while now – this will give her a chance to “develop her skills,” so to speak.

So how long will it be before I touch, or even SEE my erect penis? Not sure, to be honest; it seems as though ML is looking to go a little longer than usual. Perhaps denying me an orgasm for a year is upping her interest in extended durations for other parts of our chastity/denial play. I always go into this type of thing confident that it won’t affect me that much… and then two or three days in, I’m wishing it was over with. I get the feeling that it will be quite a bit longer than a few days this time around.