advice

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St writes:

I read a 3 year old post “The Ring’s the Thing”… and you mentioned that you switched back to the regular ring, because the anatomical one started to feel uncomfortable. I would love to read an update regarding this matter, please. I’m thinking of buying the Revenge, but i can’t decide which ring to choose.

Click here for the post that St is referring to.

It kinda surprised me when I found the anatomical ring to be less comfortable than the standard round one for the Revenge. I had heard good things about the anatomical ring from others, and also it’s designed specifically for comfort. So you’d think it would be the best choice, but it wasn’t for me.

But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t the best choice for everyone.

Stay with me…

Just like I wrote in this post about trying out the double ring, the comfort of the base ring is really up to the wearer. Some guys will find the anatomical ring to be a better fit than the standard one; some guys may feel better in an oval ring, while others stick with the round design. You really need to try it to see if it works for you. Just make sure you don’t end up forcing it just because someone else says it’s “the best.”

On the other hand, I do recommend getting the integrated lock option that is available on all of the Steelworxx designs!

Do you know anything about the Gorean lifestyle and/or kajira? I recently had a long time friend confide in me that she was into this lifestyle. I don’t know much about it but from what I gather (this is very little reading and listening to her) it is very similar to a Master/slave relationship in the bdsm world. Rules to follow, she is the masters property and is not allowed to question, etc. Over the past few days we’ve been chatting about this and it seems she’s been a very very good girl. I would be so proud if she were my submissive! She’s very obedient and devoted.

Anyway, the reason I’m writing this post is to reach out to ask if my readers, their friends and anyone else you might know to give this poor girl some advice. She is a kajira in distress and is spiraling down fast. Here is her story – if you have questions, please ask and I will get answers!

I’m a kajira. I met a gorean Master online. He started training me, as I was brand new. I was also going through a divorce. I followed every rule I was given and He is a very dominant man. Everything was decided by Him. He told me that there would come a time He would need to leave me alone for a while, that after the divorce I would need that time, it was for the best. Last I heard from Him was January 16 and now His email no longer works, as of yesterday. I’m lost, sick to my stomach. I’ve remained devoted and faithful, following every rule. have I been abandoned? He would post how much He hated hearing about a kajira being abandoned, but I wasn’t collared yet. Before He stopped communicating, He’d told me He’d picked out my collar that I would wear the rest of my life. I fell in love with this man. Now I feel broken.

Ladies and gents, I need some serious help for this girl. She hasn’t heard from her Master in almost 6 months. Has she been abandoned? Does she give up waiting to see if he will again contact her? She’s so devoted and faithful to the lifestyle that she has continued to follow her rules and report to him and even continued to ask permission for everything – all without response from him all these months. She is not allowed to speak to other men (to ask another Master for advice), according to her rules, unless they are approved by her Master, but does she even have a Master anymore? She desperately needs advice! Please, I am asking you for help and for you to share this post to help this girl. She is one of my best friends and she trusted me with telling me about her living this lifestyle.

We got some more email questions and I thought I would answer some of them here in case anyone else had any advice for our readers.

subhubphx writes:

I just recently posted on my blog about sometimes not being able to fully satisfy Mistress K. when she needs or wants to be fucked really good, really hard and for a long time.  Being her dutiful, chaste, submissive husband, my urge to cum happens waaaay sooner than Mistress needs for her to get what she needs often enough.  I was hoping to get your advice on how you might handle a similar situation that possibly exists with your sub/slave men.

I appreciate you writing for my advice subhub. It’s actually pretty simple, there really is no way cagedmonkey can give me a good, hard, thorough pounding when denied his own orgasm – which I sometimes crave and need – though, he’s gotten very good with hands, mouth and toys. He’s learned to satisfy me through other methods. However, there are times I need it and that’s where a good strap on and “Adam” come in handy.

It’s very hard for me to enjoy insertables because they are usually cold, hard and not all that forgiving and just don’t follow the contours of a vagina. That was until I found Adam (you should be able to use the search function to find posts re: Adam), which is the most realistic dildo I’ve seen and felt and it’s really just a great toy. It’s soft but firm (but still bends a bit with tightness so you do have to help it get going) and feels really great. It warms up quickly and even more quickly when you warm it before under some hot water.

We’ve just found that the strap on harness is the best way to get that “between the legs, hip thrusting, manly fucking” feeling that us ladies do actually crave sometimes. While cagedmonkey is able to hold off longer the more he practices, he’s still not able to pound the hell out of me when I really need it without the strap on.

I hope this helps answer your question and please write us if you have more! 🙂

A reader named “The Half Heard” wrote the following comment on the last Mail Chastity post:

With the security screw, do you ever experience it making it’s way loose on it’s own? I have that issue occasionally with the Jail Bird and the solution I found was I took the locking screw into the local hardware store, and found I think a 5/32 nut that fit on it nicely. Something along that size anyway!

Now that’s ingenuity for ya! 🙂

To answer your question… yes, the security screw on the JB does come loose. In fact, I know exactly what to do in order to make it finger-loosenable (I won’t describe it here, however, in order to avoid spreading “chastity cheating” tips). In all honesty, it comes in handy when ML wants a quickie with her toy: she sends me off to the bedroom and tells me to unlock and get hard for her so she can ride me. There’s no fumbling for a key, no wasted time, no awkward moments. It also helps when I’m too aroused to get the cage back on before I have to leave for work: I just take the cage to work and put it on during my first bathroom break (and text a pic to My Lady for her pleasure).

Now, some people might start crowing, “That’s not real chastity if you can just loosen the screw and unlock any time you want!” That’s only true if you’re considering “real chastity” as a physical entity only. I feel the mental aspect of it is just as important, perhaps even more so. Even if the post of the JB was welded to the cage, I could still pull out of the device and jack off. I wear this cock cage because it pass My Lady and I crave being under her sexual control, and that’s all that really matters.

With that said… THH has a great idea with the addition of a nut to the security screw (I can’t help but chuckle when I think about the “addition of a nut” to the chastity device). I just wonder if there would be enough counter-torque in order to disengage the screw from the nut. Maybe you’ll need a miniature wrench? Not sure. But, definitely great thinking outside the box!

There seems to be one particular subject that is gripping the minds of many of the followers out there.

Melly’shubby writes:

I’m interested in trying to get my wife to squirt. Could you describe how you do it?

Kiwi writes:

Your bride complemented you on your squirting stimulation technique. Do you have any pointers for a newbie?

Ah, yes, the magical squirting pussy. It really is an amazing sight, especially the first time it happens for you. First off, a little technical knowledge:

To all the naysayers out there, I say to you with a loudly tuned bullhorn – female ejaculate is not urine! Believe it or not, there have been serious medical studies performed that prove this. My Lady and I are under the impression that almost every woman has the capacity to squirt, they just need to be open to the idea. ML has mentioned to me that, before squirting became a thing for us, that she would sometimes feel the urge to pee during an orgasm. She would hold it in, because who wants to get pissed on during sex, right? Okay, maybe some people do, but that’s a subject for a whole different post. Turns out that is wasn’t an urge to pee, it was an urge to release her juices.

The two most important things to remember when attempting to “make it rain” as it were, are:

1) relaxation – the woman needs be completely relaxed. She also needs to know that no matter what happens you are going to be cool with it, not turned off or grossed out. It’s a lot like anal sex, now that I think about it.  🙂

2) practice – although it took some trial and error to get there, I can pretty much make ML squirt on command. 🙂 Don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t work 100% of the time right out of the gate.

Before I explain my technique, I want to make it clear that I am not some all-knowing, squirt master guru. I only know what I know, and I know that this technique works for us. You may find a better way that works for you. If so, go with that. I’m not writing up instructions on how to build an IKEA cabinet here.  🙂

The first time my wife squirted, I was playing with her pussy and for some unexplained reason, I decided to try to go for it make it happen. I was aware of the possibility of squirting and knew the fact that it wasn’t urine but something else entirely – I honestly don’t know what it is, but I don’t care really.  🙂  So, while I was doing it and I could feel her pussy reacting (I will explain the technique I use later, but it involves paying attention to how the woman’s vagina is squeezing), I kept telling her things like “it’s okay, baby” and “just let it go” and “just let it happen.” Basically, I didn’t want her to be shy and pull back, I wanted her to let loose. And she did! I made her squirt twice that time, and we both were amazed at how much she soaked the carpet! Since that first time, we’ve learned some stuff and now it’s very easy for me to make it happen. Often times she will be squirting within seconds of me starting! It’s pretty awesome.

Ok, now for the important stuff – how to make it happen. I find it works best when using 1 finger only, I use my middle finger most often, but any one you are comfortable with would work. You aren’t looking for depth here, you are looking for precision. Contrary to popular belief, you do NOT want to aim for the G-spot; the G-spot is actually too far in. You need to back out just the tiniest bit to hit the correct spot. To visualize the exact location, you are pretty much aiming for where the woman’s clitoris would be if it went straight through into her vagina. Once you are at the proper spot, you want to curl your finger towards yourself (assuming the woman is facing you). This is commonly referred to as the “come hither” motion. I would rather call it the “come hither” position – a small distinction, but very important, as you will see.

Another misconception is that once you find the spot, you should start thrusting or rubbing against the target spot in the vagina. This may work from time to time, but I have found a technique that is much more reliable. Imagine that your middle finger is placed where it needs to be, curled slightly inside the vagina, pressing against the inner front wall. Your palm should be resting pretty much flat against her pussy. The motion you need is to move you hand back and forth at the elbow and forearm, you should hold your wrist in its position. To get the motion right, try to focus on rubbing her clit with the heel of your palm while your finger stays in the right spot inside her.

After a while, you will be able to feel the walls of your woman’s vagina start squeezing you finger. She may also be moaning quite a bit by now.  🙂  When you start to feel the squeezing, you need to add the slightest bit of upward motion to your hand movement. Press just a little harder on her pussy when you are moving back and less when you move forward, almost moving your hand in a slight oval. You will feel your wife’s pussy begin to contract even more, it may even feel as if the walls are pushing against your finger in waves. This is good. When you feel this, keep the hand motion up, but use your finger to massage the walls that are squeezing against you (you will most likely have to move upwards a little more, to where the G-spot actually is). Keep pushing as the walls push back. Soon (hopefully), you’ll feel a warm, wet liquid flow over your palm. Success!  🙂

My Lady and I have found that she tends to squirt more when she can use the muscles in her thighs to push. For example, it is easier to make her squirt when she is standing up or squatting (over my face, usually), than when she is lying down. However, she has been learning how to squeeze just the right way while laying down to get a nice spray going; the distance she squirts often surprises me! Also, make sure you prepare for “the worst” when trying this out – double layer some towels underneath her. My Lady has soaked the couch/carpet/mattress many times because we thought that one towel would be enough! Just something to think about.

Hopefully this technique will work for you, and pretty soon the comments section will be filled with stories from readers who have soaked themselves silly with pussy juices. Just don’t come after me looking to take care of your laundry bill!

Good luck!

Ok, let me back up a bit.

During our vacation and since then as well, My Lady has kept me unlocked almost as often as she has kept me locked. Perhaps it’s even more tilted towards unlocked, but I haven’t been keeping much track. I’m too busy being teased insane by a hellaciously horny woman nearly every moment of the day.

ML has kept me unlocked so she can tease me whenever she wants and use her “favorite toy” whenever the mood strikes her. And she has been very active in both of those activities. Whether it’s sneaking a quick edge or two when the kids aren’t around or giving me a long teasing blowjob, she is certainly getting her fill of my cock. She has also been getting a good dose of sex, either taking charge and climbing on top of me or having me do all the work.

I’ll tell you this – it has not been easy to remain a “good boy” and refrain from cumming while fucking ML. In fact, I doubt you can classify what I end up doing as “fucking.” I’m often on the very edge of orgasm after just a few strokes into her tight wet pussy. At this point, I have no choice but to hold still as I struggle for control. After I drag myself back from the brink, I can usually manage only a few more thrusts before I’m right back to the edge again. And if ML wants some good hard thrusts, I pretty much have no choice but to give her a few good deep strokes before I have to jump up off of her before my cock explodes inside her.

My Lady assures me that this is not a problem for her, that she expects is after teasing and denying me for so long and that she is the one who is creating the situation. If it truly was a problem for her, she would just let me cum. She makes a good point, but I still want to be able to satisfy her penetration needs. This is why I was so happy that the RodeOh harness worked so well.

Earlier today I found an accidental solution to the problem, albeit not a permanent one. The kids went outside into the backyard to play, which left ML and me with some alone time. My cock got hard pretty quick as ML jumped on top of me and straddled me on the couch. It wasn’t long before I was hard as a rock and sliding into her warm pussy.

So, My Lady was riding my cock, and I could feel the edge approaching quickly. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that the TV was on. Right then, a light bulb went off in my head. A DISTRACTION! THAT’S WHAT I NEED!

So while ML is bouncing her pussy on my cock, her beautiful tits hanging right above my face, I start listening to Stephen A. Smith argue with Skip Bayless about the NFL draft. I’m listening and really thinking about what he’s saying. My Lady’s sexiness is still there, right in front of my face (and right on top of my cock), so it takes a real effort to pay attention.

And then I realize it’s working.

The urge to cum is fading slowly, and ML is still riding me hard. I was able to hold back, even when ML’s orgasm started to hit her. Usually, feeling her pussy squeeze my cock when she cums will be too much for me to handle, but this time I had no problems as she rode me through her orgasm. It was great to finally NOT have to tell her to be careful or to slow down. It was great to feel her cum on my cock without having to resort to her rubbing her clit while I stayed motionless inside her.

As successful as this was, I cannot resort to watching ESPN every time ML an I have sex. We’ve discussed the idea of desensitizing spray, and the RodeOh is also an option. I just don’t understand how guys out there can deal with this problem. I read on blogs here and there about how guys who have been denied even longer than I have can have sex with their KH, and they don’t mention anything about this type of issue. Is this just something guys don’t normally feel comfortable talking about, or is it just me that has this problem?

(WARNING: This post does not have all that much to do with chastity, so if you’re looking for hot & horny posts, check out some of our other blog entries.)

I’m usually not interested in all of that celebrity gossip/TMZ crap, so I’ll admit that I had only just barely heard about the whole Gwyneth Paltrow thing about “conscious uncoupling.” (Note: I had to go to Google to find out how to spell “Gwyneth Paltrow” correctly. So, yeah.) For those of you who are like me and couldn’t care any less about it… basically, she’s splitting up with her husband but she doesn’t want to call it a divorce. So she came up with this “conscious uncoupling” bullshit to make it sound better than it actually is.

The only reason I mention it is because I read an article in Time magazine today – yes, I read Time magazine, what’s it to ya? – that references the whole situation. Joel Stein writes in the latest issue’s “The Awesome Column” (a satirical humor article that I usually find very funny) about how, inspired by Paltrow’s epic euphamism, he tried to bring the subject up with his wife. He described it as almost like asking for a mid-marriage prenup, which predictably went over worse than asking for a regular prenup.

Anyway, I’m not randomly babbling here. At the end of his article, Stein writes:

It turns out that part of what keeps a marriage going is the pretense that it always will, that the choice over continuing has been taken away from you by the law, social shame and daily habit. It’s unconscious coupling, and I want to keep it that way.

Now to be fair, a lot of what Stein writes is tongue in cheek sarcasm, but I think he’s being serious here. He’s also 100% wrong. Basically, his argument is that the only reason people stay married is because they have to. Does that sound like a wonderful, loving marriage to you? Not me, either. If the only reason he stays married to his wife is because he feels obligated to, I feel sorry for him.

My Lady and I have been through some tough times in our marriage; times where each of us started taking the other for granted, where we fell into a rut, when we were with each other just because we were with each other. Not until we worked out our issues and really started to choose to be with each other did we truly open our eyes and see how wonderful our love and our marriage could be. We aren’t with each other out of habit. We are with each other because we both feel that being in each other’s life makes our own that much more fulfilling. I don’t stay married to my wife because of the so called “social shame” Stein mentions. If anything, I’m fucking proudto be married to such an amazing woman!

Gwyneth Paltrow is shooting for “conscious uncoupling.” Joel Stein wants to build his marriage around “unconscious coupling.” But wouldn’t being with the one you love by choice instead of by force be that much more blissful?

Wouldn’t “conscious coupling” be the pinnacle of a healthy, loving marriage?

It’s amazing the effect that chastity has had on me in a little over four months of time. I’ve undergone some very interesting changes, both mentally and physically. Some are both obvious and expected (I’m horny all the time, DUHHH), but others are somewhat surprising. And I know I’m not the only one experiencing these changes, because I get emails from some of you guys out there asking me about the same things. 🙂

One reader asks:

“I’ve noticed that immediately after taking the cage off, I’m as hard as a rock but I have trouble maintaining a strong erection. I don’t lose it all together, but it’s definitely not as intense. I’ve never had this problem before trying chastity. Have you experienced anything similar?”

Don’t do what I did and start panicking and figuring out how to pay for your Cialis perscriptions; this is a pretty common issue.  The first few times My Lady unlocked me after I was already getting hard, we had to wait until I got soft to remove the base ring. After the ring removal, it took a while to regain my erection. I think this happens because it takes a little bit of reset time to go from “SO FUCKING HARD I COULD FUCK A HOLE THROUGH A BRICK WALL” to “totally soft and chillin'” and back to hard again. Now, ML will either remove the cage when I’m still somewhat soft or will just leave the ring on if I’m already aroused. Problem solved.

Another reader has a question for the mail bag, or perhaps mail “sack” is more fitting:

“The skin around my balls looks really loose and hangs kinda weird now. It sort of dangles a bit.”

Ah, yes. This has happened to me, too. My scrotum seems as if it has been stretched out since I started wearing a chastity device. I even have what looks like a little tab that hangs down between both of my nuts. I’m assuming this is from my ballskin being stretched out when my cock tries to get hard and pushes the cage forward from my body and the balls stop it from advancing any further. When my erection is strong enough, it pulls on the skin with a good amount of strength. This used to hurt me a ton, but I guess I’ve gotten used to it because it’s not that bad anymore. Solution? I have no idea. Even a perfectly fitted cock cage is going to be pushed forward by a hardening cock. And, honestly, I don’t think this even requires a solution. Yeah, your sack looks a little funky, but it looked funky to begin with, didn’t it?

Last one:

“When my wife takes the cage off, my cock is extremely sensitive all over, even in places that weren’t like that before. Is this ok?”

No. This is more than okay! This is GREAT! This is what it’s about, right? What’s most likely happening here is that your cock is responding to the constant pressure of the cage on your sensitive areas, resulting in a stronger reaction when that pressure changes. It’s like when you put your hand from ice cold water into room temperature water – it feels scalding hot, even though it’s far from it. You’re feeling these AMAZING sensations because they are so different from what you are used to. This is a good thing. Just make sure that the hypersensitivity is not due to any skin damage or irritation, and you are good to go.

Don’t be shy or embarassed, keep these email questions coming! (Bad choice of words, perhaps)

I usually don’t work in absolutes, but I’m going to drop one on you right now only because it’s 100% true: every man should learn how to eat pussy. Period. Chastity or not, it’s one of the greatest and most generous things you can do for your lover. I always enjoyed it, way before the FLR/chastity lifestyle with My Lady began to form. For me, it’s such a turn on to know I can satisfy my wife with just my tongue (or fingers, should the desire arise). And now that I am in chastity, my pussy eating skills are all that more important!

It is very easy to enjoy licking My Lady’s pussy, simply because her pussy is DELICIOUS. Her taste and smell turn me on so much that I cannot get enough of it. I can (and have) eaten her pussy for as long as she will let me… 15 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour… it’s like an all you can eat buffet for me! I love the way she reacts to my tongue, gradually moaning more and more, louder and louder, until I push her over the edge of orgasm and she explodes. I don’t mind getting her gooey pussy juices all over my chin, or even the occasion squirt on my face… I wear it like a badge of honor. 🙂

I was always pretty good at oral sex; I have a strong, agile tongue that can handle lots of work. I’m also very dedicated to pleasing ML. But the most important aspect of my pussy eating prowess is the fact that I LOVE doing it! Naturally, you are going to be better at doing something you like. Speaking of: to those guys out there who don’t like eating pussy… what the fuck is wrong with you? REAL MEN EAT PUSSY. Give up your hang ups and just do it. Otherwise, some guy who likes doing it is going to do it better than you and steal your woman. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! 😉

So, as I was saying… I’m pretty good at eating ML’s pussy. But just like anything else, there is always room for improvement. So I ended up reading through She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman to see if I could learn a few tricks. And learn a few tricks, I did! I learned how to control the amount of pleasure I give My Lady, holding back at times to build tension: for example – pressing my tongue firmly on her clit and holding still; after a few seconds, she very often starts asking (begging?) me to make her cum. That’s when I unleash on her to release that stored up tension, flicking her clit quickly with my tongue until she cums good and hard. Using this rhythm, I can draw out the pussy licking over a much longer amount of time, pleasing ML almost endlessly, instead of just going right for it, making her cum hard, and draining her of energy.

I highly recommend this book, for beginners or for so-called “experts.” Everyone can get something out of it. Thanks to this book, I can now make My Lady buck and bounce all over the bed while I’m eating her pussy. I sometimes have to hold her down just so she doesn’t push me off of her with her hips. And the noises she makes… let’s just say I need to be really careful about when I lick her pussy, so I don’t end up waking up the kids, or any of the neighbors! 😉

Eating pussy is an excellent tool for a man to please his woman, and I feel that every man should learn how to do it well. It’s wonderful foreplay, a great way to turn your partner on. And for those of us in chastity – where foreplay is pretty much the only sex we are allowed to have – it is an essential skill for pleasing your keyholder.

Time again for another round of “Mail Chastity” where we tackle the topics that are on your mind. As always, these are real questions from real readers. Feel free to email us with any questions you may have; your question just may be featured in our next Mail Chastity post!

Click on the contact page in the top left corner for email info, or simply just to see a great pic of My Lady’s beautiful breasts perfectly framing the key to my chastity cage.  😉

Q: Are there any medical concerns involved with being locked up so frequently?

Hmmmm….. good question. There are some medical issues that should be addressed when considering long term and/or frequent wearing of a chastity device. Most of these issues are not very severe if tended to.

The most common occurrence would be skin irritation where the cage sits, either around the scrotum or on the shaft of the penis. This can be avoided by using a properly fitting cage and proper lubrication to allow movement of the cage while walking. Skin irritation, if left unchecked, can lead to blisters and skin ulcers which risk being infected. You don’t want that.

Another common condition that is often seen with open-style devices (Birdcage/Jailbird/etc.) is edema, or localized swelling due to fluid buildup. This happens when the penile tissue expands into the open spaces of the cage. This isn’t the “hardon bulge” I’m talking about… that is completely normal, especially when your keyholder is deliberately turning you into a sex-crazed lunatic. Edema occurs when your erection goes away, but the swelling and fluid remain. This can be fixed by rubbing and massaging the area to promote circulation… just be careful not to enjoy it TOO much and piss off your keyholder! Edema, when not dealt with in time, can cause tissue damage and possible erectile dysfunction if it becomes serious enough.

The issues I have described in the linked posts were not related directly to wearing the chastity device. There were… ahem… other factors involved.

Q: How does chastity effect the day-to-day basis of your life?

To be honest, not all that much. The main difference is that I get crazy horny as time goes on. Duh. Other than that, the cage doesn’t get in the way much. I can play with my children without incident – I try to avoid having them sit on my lap, but they are old enough now where that’s not a big worry. Work is not a problem, even though my job requires frequent walks around the room, as well as sitting and standing. Other than the fact that I’m goddamn-motherfucking-all-batshit-flames-of-hell horny all the time, my life proceeds pretty much in a normal fashion.

Q: How do you decide what to post? Is it a joint effort?

My Lady does most of the posting on the blog, for two reasons. First, she is a major control freak… which she will freely admit, hence the FLR lifestyle. Second, she usually has the most time to post, given that she is a stay-at-home mom with a Galaxy Note 2 surgically attached to her hand. However, we both collaborate on what themes and ideas to post about. Very often, we will be discussing a particular aspect of our lifestyle, and either of us will say, “We should totally write a blog post about this.” She usually just beats me to the punch. We do really enjoy doing the “He Said, She Said” and “Conversations” posts… they are lots of fun, and they give our readers great insight on the types of conversations we have and that we consider necessary in order make this lifestyle run smoothly.