Recently I’ve noticed I have been feeling off and unsettled about our tease and torture and our D/s side of things because there isn’t much. I feel so busy lately and unorganized because, even after a month here, the OCD side of me is uneasy. Things aren’t just where I want them, days don’t go exactly as planned… I admit I’m a control freak and I feel like all the little things added up mean I have no control. It’s weird, I know, but there is so much I want to accomplish and so much I’d like to do – in regular vanilla life as well as our sexual, kinky, intimate one but I never seem to have enough time to do it.
Flipping our schedule around after soooooo many years is a lot harder to adjust to and still, things are changing! We recently found out that homeschool kids here in our new state are allowed to take a couple classes in the public school and that the school offers homeschool kids all the curriculum and textbooks, etc that the kids are using in public school. So we have begun looking into getting our daughter into a couple classes a day at school so I could have an hour or so to myself on weekdays. I’ve actually considered the fact that she may do well and like it and want to actually try going full days at some point… Which has me thinking stupid and emotional for all kinds of dumb reasons. I’m excited that that might happen but scared and anxious over it too.
All of these things with kids activities (it’s our son’s team won their 2nd round of playoffs for football today! They are off to the Superbowl!), school, errands and all that has left me with little time to get the rest of the boxes unpacked or taken over to our storage unit. Which I just got the other day because there is no storage here at the house and we can’t even get in our closets because we’ve tried to pack everything in there. Let alone having room to set up and use our sex toys! Haha
That’s been another struggle. I have no room to set things up which, with the little time we have, needs to be done before we can play. We don’t have time to set things up at night when we want to use them and then play and put it away after, etc. Anyway, excuses excuses! I really want to get our room set up in a better way, get the boxes and bins of decorations and stuff put away so we have room to actually play. I want to get a rug for the floor so we are able to set up the stockade. Really, can you see my dilemma? There is so much I want to do and so little time to get things done. Which is why I actually think having my daughter gone for an hour or so a day might be good so that I can do some of the things I want to do.
With all of this stuff I want to get done and feeling like I never have time for any of it, I find myself doubting my ability. Doubting if I’m a good mom, a good wife, a good teacher, etc. I start getting anxious and worrying if I’m keeping my hubby satisfied. Does he know how much I love and adore him and that I find him incredibly sexy? I start to worry if I’m teasing him enough, if I am good enough for him, pretty enough for him, sexy enough for him. My mind races and races in 90 directions of stupid. When I’m not in control, I worry and I am not liking the ups and downs and changes and the lack of flow!
Another note for you all is that we found we really like it here and we have talked about and started looking into sticking in some roots. That means we put the wheels in motion to either buy or build a house! That in itself is scary and exciting!
Ok I think I’ve caught you guys up on my anxiety and my crazy and what’s going on in our lives!
How are you all doing these days?