(Taking a small break from the group sex weekend posts…. Don’t worry, the rest of the weekend will be posted)
I have to admit, I haven’t been the best sub I can be lately. I’ve been serving My Lady, being a good boy and satisfying her whenever and however she wishes, but I haven’t been submitting fully and completely to her. I’ve been wanting too much, and I’ve been making my wants known just a little too often.
There’s a difference between sharing my fantasies with My Lady, and telling her what I’d like her to do to me. I’m usually pretty good at avoiding the whole “top from the bottom” thing, but I’m far from perfect. My attitude has been contributing to some of ML’s down mood over the past week or so because she is afraid she is disappointing me. I shouldn’t be disappointed about anything because I shouldn’t be expecting anything.
Why am I having such trouble submitting? I’m almost sure it’s because of ML’s chastity plans for me – she wants to keep me locked 24/7 until Christmas. Forget having to go 2 months without an orgasm; I’m going to go 2 months without have a single full erection. And, honestly, that scares me.
When facing such a long lockup, I naturally want to have one last whatever-it-is that I want. In the past (both childhood and in our marriage), if something didn’t happen on a regular basis, there was a chance that it would be forgotten/phased out/etc. My mind thinks that if I have to wait that long (or, for some activities that we haven’t done for a while, even longer than a few months), will ML be interested? Has she already lost interest in some things that have faded from view? Are there things that we’ve done once and I’ve enjoyed, but will never happen again just because “it’s not something we do anymore”?
I hate these questions, because I hate not having the answers. But the beauty of submitting is that I don’t need the answers to these questions. All I need to know is that I belong to My Lady, and she wants what she wants. The answers to those questions are irrelevant if my focus is on her pleasure and fulfilling her desires.