Epiphany: a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple
It sounds weird to say this but it feels almost as if a weight has been lifted from me. After our conversation last night I got to thinking about what I really wanted and how I wanted to play with hubby. After all, he gave me the beautiful gift of regaining my natural dominance, so I’m in charge.
So what do I want from the chastity? Well, easy, I want the device on at all times unless I unlock him for play time, tease time or for my using. It’s my toy locked up in my toy box. 🙂 *giggle*
So, what about the Tease & Denial? Well in all my pondering last night, I realized what I want is not called “Orgasm Denial.” It’s called “Orgasm Control” because I want to be in control of if he cums, when he cums, how he cums and how much he cums! If I feel like spending an entire day using him over and over to drain every bit of cum from him then so be it. I unlock him, use him and lock him back up. If I want to deny him for 40 days for the fun of it then so be it! If I want some mix of the two, I can have it. If I change my mind in the middle of it all, I can! 🙂
I’ve finally got my brain on board knowing that all of these things are my decision. No more feeling like I promised to lock him up for a length of time and not wanting to disappoint him or upset him or “do it wrong” or not the way he wants it. I’m in control, I hold the power to use him for my pleasure in whatever way I choose. I hold the power to allow him an erection or force him to have one all day, if I want! I hold the power to deny him orgasms for as long as I feel like having him behaving in an awesome attentive way towards me. If I feel like asserting my dominance and taking him as mine every night for a week, I hold that power.
I hold all the power when it comes to his sexual feelings, sensations and releases. The one part I want to explore more in our relationship is the Wife Led part. I’m curious about what it would feel like to be completely in control of everything he does. I don’t want this all the time because I’m not into having a slave but I think once in awhile having a very submissive session of play would be fun. I have no idea as I’ve never done it, never been overpowering dominant and/or demanding but maybe I want to see what it’s like! We were talking the other day and he mentioned scrubbing the kitchen floor naked while I supervised (probably half joking, I’m sure lol). At that moment something happened to me I was not expecting… I suddenly got extremely aroused at the thought of him serving me that way. Though at the same time my head was like wtf that’s so wrong! Cagedmonkey and I have said that it can never hurt to try something… we might like it. He’s not all into serving that way (not into being a slave nor do I want one) but he’s not against the session happening once in awhile if it is something we both enjoy. So we’re off to try new things once again and explore what feels good!
Ok so that was my epiphany overnight… see what happens when you stay up until after 4am!
Wish me luck! 🙂