Usually when I have some feelings to discuss with cagedmonkey, I do just that, I discuss it with him or use our “Communication book.” I do not normally come to the blog to make him aware of some feelings I’m having BUT I honestly think this is something not only I experience. I do believe these might be some common “wife as a Keyholder or Domme” fears or worries.
I’m sure you’ve read how cagedmonkey’s horny level is at an all time high. I’ve really been teasing him and mindfucking him rather intensely over the past month. This has kicked up his fantasy thoughts and, as he says, his fantasies are getting darker and more intense… It seems like the longer he is in chastity and denied with the combination of intense teasing the more slippery that “slippery slope” becomes and the idea of a lot kinkier stuff becomes more acceptable. I guess we’ll just see, over time, how slippery that slope can actually get.
The reason I bring all that up is because as cagedmonkey’s fantasies are getting more intense, I’m finding mine are too. I’m finding a deeper dominance inside me begging to come out. Why don’t I just let it out, you ask? Well, that’s easy, fear. I’m really scared of hubby’s reaction to something I might say. I feel this want and desire to “get into character” and when he begs say to him “No, subby hubby has not earned that” or whatever but I’m afraid of sounding too harsh. I’m afraid of him thinking I’m mean. I really want to be more direct and stern rather than playful with him sometimes but I’m scared. I could sit here and describe this over and over but I think you get it. When he begs for me to let him cum, I want to say “hell no! Go do the dishes” but instead, out of fear of being mean, I say something like, “ohhh sweetie, I don’t think so… maybe later.” Which is bull crap, that’s leading him on. I guess I want him to read this and understand I want to be more definite. I want to be much more dominant. When I ask him to do something and he tells me “can I do it in a few minutes?” I want to be able to say “I asked you to do it now, if you don’t you will get punished with the paddle before work, you choose…”
Anyway, who knows if this post will piss him off or help him to know I want to be more demanding, I want to add to my dominance, I want to require more of him. I feel like I want to make him lists of things to do, daily chores or tasks. I dunno if it’s just the timing and the built up crazy horny or what… but there it is, it’s out there now. We’ll see where it goes from here I suppose.
I love you my sweet darling boy with all of my heart and soul. I will be forever here protecting you and dominating you, whichever path we choose. Whether it be the lighter domination that we have had for 15 years or whether it grows into something deeper, something more.