Wife Led Marriage

I used to have this whole thing about wanting to be the one who worked and my hubby would stay home and be the house husband. That has since changed and I’ve become a hell of a lot more realistic about my life. I realized I should be the mom, the one to stay home and be with the kids. That’s what I did for 12 years and I have loved every minute if it. I wouldn’t change it. It was what was supposed to be. 

However, let me tell you about a time when I was younger and I thought, the only way I could keep a guy was to be the one who worked and supported us and he got to do whatever he wanted. Staying home, getting sex, etc. I thought, how could I guy ever leave a woman who gives him such freedom? Well when I was young I thought, I’d just keep a guy locked up in my house, all for me, for when I wanted him. 

Well yesterday, was an interesting day, I had to work and hubby was off work. Normally on his days off I would be home and we’d play or have sex all day or something but not this time. This time I had a house husband who was working hard, cutting the lawn and completing a “Honey Do” list which included some cock stroking. I kept him nice and horny during all of his sweaty work for me. I was turning myself on quite a bit while I was at work. Just thinking about him at home working hard, doing as I asked if him and then when I got home… We had some lunch and some perfectly wonderful bent over the bed, fucked from behind sex. All because I wanted it and he had to give it to me. 

It really was a fun day, tiring for hubby and we didn’t get in much play at night but we did have some good during the day play and he got to cum on my big round ass in the afternoon before the kids got home from school. 🙂

Vanilla, Kinky, Marriage, Kids – It’s a balancing act. As you know we recently started going to some munches and getting together with new friends in our kinky world, not to mention we bought a new house and our kids activities all week after school and on weekends. Life has felt much like a whirlwind and slightly like trying to balance spinning plates on poles – I’ll have to admit I’m not that great at balancing. In the one who troops and falls UP the stairs lol. I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed with all of the little behind the scenes things that need to happen in life to make things go smoothly. 

It’s really awesome having friends and we love getting together with them and going to munches but for a bit there I really felt like so much of my time was looking for ways to get rid of the kids for the night so we could go to munches or other kinky events. I started to feel like I was missing and losing out on the family time with my husband and kids that is so very important while they are this age. It felt like every weekend we were constantly running and doing something or going somewhere. 

In the midst of kids and life and going out and getting involved in all these new fun things our kinky play together has gotten lost… again balance! It’s been extremely hard to find time for family time, kinky time, vanilla hubby/wife time, friend time… all of it. I get feelings of inadequacy when I can’t make time for it all, when I can’t find the necessary balance to fit it all in. I’m sure people have noticed that I’ve pulled back a bit, I’m not as active as I was, I’m not as chatty as I was. I’m still struggling to find what I need to make it all work and, right now, I’m trying to focus on my family, my kids, buying this house and all the little things that come along with that and getting back my kinky time with cagedmonkey. I miss it… I miss the intense tease and denial and the playtime we would have. I miss being crazy horny for each other all the time. There are things I miss that we would do more consistently. We keep trying to get in rope trial time and just the different things we enjoy about our kink. It just feels like it is constantly getting set aside because there is something else that needs to come first… Like sleep, work, kids, whatever.

Anyway, just letting you all in to where I am and how I’ve been feeling. I’m working to pull those things together and find that balance and I know I will I just feel like I suck at it right now and I’m letting every one down. 

I talk with a lot of submissive guys and girls, and they contact to me for a variety of reasons. I enjoy each and every one of them, but if I’m being completely honest, some of the submissives I talk with could easily be tagged with the description “strong-willed.” I know these subs can be difficult to Dom/me at times. I secretly enjoy, just a little bit, the determination these subs have. Yes, they can be stubborn and difficult, and they will state their cases whenever they can, but they certainly have passion. Strong-willed submissives can be exhausting, that’s for sure. But they also tend to grow into very obedient people with the right direction. When they learn to channel that determination, they take healthy risks — they learn to work through failure and keep trying. There’s a lot to love about strong willed submissives, us Dominants just need to learn how to survive them.

I thought I would take a few minutes to talk about some things that may be helpful for a Dom/me when they find they have themselves a strong-willed submissive!

Strong-willed subs are known for their power struggles. If they find an opening, they pounce. Routines and rules provide a great foundation (they take some of the guesswork out of the day), but they can be particularly helpful for strong-willed submissives. Try not to go nuts and overwhelm them with hundreds of rules and expectations. You can’t avoid every possible power struggle along the way, but a list of rules and expectations can help avoid some of the daily power struggles that wear on your nerves.

Strong-willed subs are often doers by default. If it seems like your submissive is always learning the hard way, that’s because he/she probably learns best by trial and error. Strong-willed subs have big ideas, and they may prefer to test their ideas or try telling you about them – this may seem like topping from the bottom but it can be done correctly using communication. If your sub follows the rules (ie: you must tell me any and all fantasies without assumption that they will be fulfilled), is there really any harm in letting them tell you about their fantasies? I find that many power struggles emerge between strong-willed subs and their partners because the subs have very strong opinions, and they tend to stick to them. You do have to set realistic rules and expectations, and you do have to follow through on those.

It’s extremely important to listen carefully.
Given that tenacious submissives tend to have a lot of very strong opinions and prefer to share those opinions often, Dom/mes can start ignoring them at times. It can be exhausting, and sometimes you just don’t want to debate why your rules are your rules. It’s important to listen. Sharing their ideas and opinions is how strong-willed subs work through things. If they appear stubborn at times, it’s because they have strong beliefs and integrity. They want to share that with you. Listen to your submissive and empathize. Help them channel that stubbornness into a positive. So your sub really wants to be dressed in certain types of clothing? Teach them how to research the pros and cons and engage in a healthy give-and-take on the matter instead of simply stating their need over and over again. No one likes whining and nagging. They might not get to wear those frilly pink panties, because it’s not something you are into, but at least they will feel heard and learn some important communication skills in the process. This is also an opportunity for a Dominant partner to compromise and even if you aren’t into a specific kink they are maybe you can negotiate a way to help fulfill that desire for them. Perhaps you don’t like them wearing feminine clothing but know they would like to try it… so you require them to wear them under their clothing whenever they are not around you. It’s a great reminder of who is in control… taps into their kink and doesn’t bother you in the least! 🙂

One of the things I find we need to ask ourselves is:
Are you being an intentional Dominant?
I like to think of being a Dominant in three ways:

Automatic: the stuff you do constantly and without thinking, like letting them know you are thinking about them, teasing them mentally and sexually, making sure they have and are following rules, praising behavior, etc.

Reactive: providing discipline and correcting behavior, giving after-care, fulfilling fantasies

Proactive: the stuff you really think about and plan ahead for, like an intense bondage, pegging or spanking scene.

Now ask yourself and be honest: How much time do you spend a week on proactive stuff — like really thinking about what it is you want your submissive to experience, and then putting together a plan to make it happen? That’s the first step to becoming a more intentional Dom/me.

The next thing to think about is focus. How often are we giving our subs our full and undivided attention? Do we listen to their fantasies with our whole heart? Do we set aside specific times each day to be fully and intentionally present?

I have to admit, my sex life is pretty damn great at the moment. Not only are My Lady and I having the time of our lives with each other, we’ve been enjoying the opportunity to share this side of our lives with some “like minded” people that we have met recently. It’s been crazy and fun and exciting all at the same time.

But then, sometimes, I just wanna tell real life to go screw itself.

I understand that ML and I are more than just kinky bloggers on the internet – we are people, parents, family members. We have situations that come up that are more important than finding a new way for ML to torture me sexually. I know this, and I accept this… but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

It has been a little while since ML and I have enjoyed some serious play time together. Since we moved, we have been able to take advantage of Grandma’s babysitting services; this allowed us to have some time with no kids in the house (so we could be as loud as we wanted, wink wink) and we also found time to go to a couple of fetish meet-ups in our area (more on that later). It was something that was difficult to set up in the past, thanks to living so far away from our families and the somewhat special needs of our daughter requiring more than your garden variety babysitter. So, as you can imagine, it was a relief to not have to worry about having the kids in the house when, for instance, ML wanted to lock me in the stockade and abuse my ass with the fucking machine.

So, as you can also imagine, it was kind of a letdown when plans fell through to leave the kids at Grandma’s for Thanksgiving weekend. I’ll admit I have an issue with expectations, although I’m much better than I used to be. But when it’s been a while since My Lady and I have had time to play, and we are looking forward to a weekend of the house to ourselves… it’s hard not to feel like I’m being screwed (and not in any of the ways I was hoping for).

It just seems like whenever ML and I want to get some time in for some fun, we never quite get around to it. Our podcast is a great example: we’ve had tons of fun recording our podcast episodes, and we are so happy that they’ve become so popular with our followers. We’ve wanted to do an episode on the fetish meet-up that we went to for weeks now, but various distractions keep popping up (work schedule, kids schedule, appointments, etc.). It’s frustrating, to say the least.

Like I said, I’ve been doing a lot better with this type of thing lately… but I can’t help it when those feelings of “when again?” start to materialize. I know that I can just be patient, that we have plenty of time together – the other day, ML and I were talking about anniversary plans for years ahead, and ML said, “I think, when we hit our 20th anniversary, I’m just going to be totally wet all the time” (how great is that???) – but I don’t want to be patient. I want more of the good stuff. 🙂

So I’ve been craving something “scene-y” for the past couple of days; not really anything crazy or new, but just something intense. Acknowledging the craving is okay, because I know it’s not something I will go without for long. I’m just trying to stop myself from asking that all-too-familiar question of mine: “When?”

Yes, that’s right. I’m doing one of those holiday posts with a stupid holiday theme.

Obligatory turkey picture.

Okay, so my post isn’t going to be THAT bad. The reason I usually hate holiday posts is because it always seems so forced. But, honestly, I was thinking about writing something like this last weekend… why not wait until it actually makes sense? 🙂

It’s hard to write a “Things I’m Thankful For” list without having it sound like bragging, but fuck it. I’ll give it a try.

Cagedmonkey’s Thanksgiving Thankful List

1) I’m thankful that I got to cum in 2016. It may seem like a shallow thing to be thankful for, but I dare you to  say that after you’ve given up on the idea of having an orgasm for an entire year. I was ready to go the for all of 2016 without cumming, mainly because I knew that ML would hold me to it if it was her desire to go that long. Thankfully, she changed her mind after just under 10 months of denial.  I’ve been allowed a few orgasms since then, but ML has been denying me for about a week or two. Ironically, I’m more horny now than I’ve been all year…

2) I’m thankful to have a partner who shares my kinks and sexual desires. After being exposed to so many people in the kink scene over the past month (exposed meaning both “meeting” and “standing in front of while wearing nothing but my chastity cage”), I’ve come to realize that my situation is actually extremely unique. I managed to find a woman who perfectly matches my sexual needs and shares my fantasies… and luckiest of all, I happened to be married to her! The discoveries that My Lady and I have made (and continue to make) about ourselves and our relationship show us just how perfect we are for each other. On top of all that, she’s fucking sexy as hell and her pussy feels great on my cock… I couldn’t ask for more! Not everyone gets to experience this type of thing, and I’m very grateful for sharing my life with her.

3) I’m thankful for where I am in my life. Yeah, the real life emotional crap. For a while, there was a lot of uncertainty in my life. Things were going well, but it always seemed like there was something out of place that was preventing everything from clicking. But now, over the past few months, it seems like that’s changing. I have a loving wife, a wonderful family, a job I truly enjoy, and a community that I feel I fit in with. With all of the uncertainty that the future now brings with it, it feels good to have a sense of balance and know that my family and I can make it through anything life throws at us.

4) I’m thankful for these.

Obligatory huge tits pic.

You didn’t think I’d leave you without a pic of ML’s beautiful big titties, did you?

Happy Thanksgiving!

A couple of weeks ago cagedmonkey and I had the pleasure of being part of and officiating a kinky wedding for a couple of our best friends. It was a very small home ceremony but do you really need more than just a few people to witness such an amazing thing between two people? We loved every minute of being part of this with them. Our evening started off with dinner and just your everyday hanging out while a couple friends arrived and we got the kids to bed. This beautiful ceremony was celebrated by our Mistress and slave couple, cagedmonkey and I and another Domme and her sub husband. We all had a few drinks but not too much that we were sloshed! At about midnight or so – just to make sure the kids were good and asleep! – our lovely couple went to get dressed in their ceremony clothing. Mistress was dressed in a lovely red lace baby doll style top and her slave bride wearing a beautiful white wedding dress, with “Bride” panties and some gorgeous heels. He was put together by the Domme friend who helped with his make up, did his hair and got his tiara in place – we wouldn’t want his Mistress to see the bride before the wedding, would we? Before we began cagedmonkey and the sub husband were told to remove their clothes and us ladies stayed dressed. The ceremony began with the couple standing facing each other while cagedmonkey addressed them and there is no way that I can describe the heartfelt and very funny words he used, so I decided to just copy and paste the bulk of his words here in this post. I’ve obviously took the names out of it and replaced them with “Mistress” and “slave.” 🙂

We gather here today to celebrate the joining of “Mistress” and “slave” in kinky matrimony. The love and sexual connection that these two share is something that should be cherished in today’s world, where “kinky” is no longer specific enough.The fact that a man who enjoys being dominated and feminized can find a woman who desires her very own she-male slut bride is a true blessing in this life.

It is a slave’s mission to show devotion to his mistress, and to serve her from head to toe. It is a slave’s mission to make his mistress feel beautiful from head to toe, and to service all of her needs at a moment’s notice no matter what the situation. In order to show his commitment and devotion, “slave” will now worship the feet of “Mistress” until she feels truly adored and satisfied.

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A slave must give himself fully to his mistress. He must sacrifice himself for the sake of his mistress’s desires, no matter how painful or difficult that sacrifice must be. As a gift for his new mistress, “slave” will now present himself to “Mistress” for a full and thorough spanking.

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The responsibilities in a D/s relationship do not lie with the submissive alone; the dominant must control the submissive in an appropriate way. A mistress must keep her slave, hold him as her own, and control him in a way that the slave ultimately needs. To show her willingness to control in this way, “Mistress” will now plug “slave’s” ass and take her control over him to a “deeper” level.

And now, it is time for the exchanging of vows:

“slave” – Do you promise to give yourself to “Mistress”, to dress as her slutty she-male bride whenever she wants, to subject yourself to every filthy desire she may have, to serve her needs in any way she requires, for as long as you both shall live?

“Mistress” – Do you promise to take “Slave” as your personal love slave, to use him sexually in ways even he cannot imagine, to force him to wear slutty woman’s clothing whenever you wish, to show him the fullness of your control over him whenever he needs to feel it, for as long as you both shall live?

With the unofficial power invested in me, by nobody in particular, I now pronounce you “Mistress” and “Slave.”

…You may now milk the slut-bride.

It truly was a beautiful night, and I don’t even think you can see, in the picture, how dark those marks are from the spanking he received. There were three things Mistress used to give him his beating. She used her crop (which I know you can see a good mark from it in the picture above), the quirt whip and the wooden paddle her slave so generously handmade for her with love.

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The slave bride was plugged with a rather large jeweled plug, it was so pretty when his Mistress spread his ass and presented it to the guests. During the exchanging of the vows our couple exchanged some jewelry that really had a lot of special meaning for them. After such a long night the “you may now milk the bride” didn’t go as planned. I believe the slave bride was awfully tired and mixed with the alcohol not a whole lot was happening. The overall night was amazing though and it didn’t even matter about that. We were completely blessed to be able to share this with our friends and we want to wish them so many more years together, forever, to enjoy this life!!

One thing I loved was, after the ceremony, I was able to try out the crop (it’s a bit more sturdy than mine!) and the quirt whip. The quirt was amazing and I totally want one! 🙂 The Domme friend also had a good time lining up her sub husband and the bride next to each other and going at their bottoms with the crop and the quirt again. Us ladies got quite the chuckle out of them as they stood there squirming from her swatting their asses. We had a wonderful time, met some fantastic new friends and enjoyed sharing in the love of this couple. Thank you for allowing us to be part of it!! We love you!!

I know it’s kinda crazy to be looking as far ahead as next year… but, honestly, can you really blame me? With as long as I’ve been waiting for an orgasm? But – and this might be even crazier – it’s not my orgasm that I’m focusing on. I’m assuming (guessing, lol) that it won’t be too far into next year before I get to cum. It’s the “after that” that’s on my mind.

For much of the past 3 years, ML and I have been working towards various things. At first, it was building up my comfort with the chastity cage so that I could spend longer time locked up for My Lady. Once I was able to go about three weeks without any problems, it showed that ML could keep me locked indefinitely if she chose to. And after suffering through over 6 months of denial, it’s pretty clear that ML can deny me for as long as it pleases her to do so.

ML and I have worked very hard to get to the point where she was fully in control of my sexuality and not held back by any physical limits. Now that we’ve gotten to that point, what’s next for us?

After ML allows me my next orgasm (if? Dear Lord, I hope it’s not if!), I expect us to move to a simpler arrangement – no scheduling, no “shooting for” chastity/denial sessions… even no Maybe Days. If ML wants me locked, I stay locked until she wants my cock free. If she wants to deny me, I don’t get to cum until she lets me. It could be days, weeks, months, etc. for either chastity or orgasm denial.

Since “whatever ML chooses” isn’t really a goal (it’s more just fun, which is much more awesomer), ML and I decided on some other things to work toward. We each had a list, and – not surprisingly – they were very similar. One thing that we both agree on is that we want to try some more bondage exploration. ML really wants to learn how to tie me up good and tight, and I really want her to. We’ve also received some bondage toys recently (and purchased some, too… we aren’t total freeloaders, lol), which we will be reviewing soon.

Even though (in my “desperate-to-cum” state) I’m looking ahead to next year already, I’m sure we’ll start exploring our new goals sooner than that. The question will be whether or not I can handle the intense domination that is sure to come… or if it really matters to My Lady at all. 🙂

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That’s only fair, right? I get to tie up cagedmonkey and then open (torture) him as a present to me on his birthday?!?! Hehe

Happy birthday to my amazing subby hubby! I love you and our life together more than any words could explain. You have given and continue to give me everything I need mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually and that is a huge gift.

Tonight I have us booked a 2 room suite at an indoor waterpark for a family fun night away to celebrate CM’s birthday. I hope it turns out to be an amazing day!

(First off, apologies for the lack of posting lately; it’s been very busy here at the LMnC household getting ready for the upcoming move)

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It’s so interesting how chastity has changed my life.

I never thought that seeing dents in my cock would make me feel sexy, but they do. I love the look of the marks that my chastity cage leaves on me after I take it off. It reminds me that, even though I might be unlocked, My Lady still owns my cock. She still controls it, whether it’s free from confinement or underneath steel bars. The effect is still there.

It was truly fortunate that My Lady found chastity and decided to give it a try. That decision changed so many things in our lives for the better – our sex life improved, along with our emotional bonds with each other. It’s a part of our lives that we would never take away.

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It kind of reminds me of my chastity tattoo. It has become one of my favorites that I have, for that reason – it symbolizes the choice I made to turn control of my sexuality over to ML. She chose the design, she chose the location, and I accepted it… and it couldn’t have been more perfect.

It’s so perfect, sometimes I think to myself: were we destined for this? Is this exactly how we were meant to be with each other? Were we fortunate, or was this situation blissfully unavoidable?

When I get thoughts like these, I can’t help but think of my “chastity scar.”

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That right there, is where the base ring of my chastity cage sits. It’s very faint, but you can see the skin is raised very slightly and barely discolored. It’s not a major injury or anything, it doesn’t even hurt or cause discomfort. It’s the result of my fairly large cock struggling against the bars and ring of my chastity cage. I never really expected it to happen, but now it’s a part of me.

It’s funny how chastity has changed me – from the “in the moment” feelings, to the changes I hoped would occur, and even those changes that I never could have expected. It’s also amazing how pretty much all of these changes are for the better.

So today is Valentine’s Day, and it’s been far from the best of days. ML and I woke up to some family drama – nothing too terrible and not involving our immediate family, but serious nonetheless. And it kinda went downhill from there, culminating in a burst water pipe thanks to a week of mega-freezing temperatures.

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If the ceiling fell in, it wouldn't be a surprise.

It’s been a rough day. I’ve already started working on getting drunk, and I doubt ML will be far behind me. It’s just one of those days that you want to be over and move on from.

It’s funny, though… it’s still Valentine’s Day, and we both found time in our horrible day to show our love for each other. I am really blessed to be married to a woman like her: someone who can make me smile on even the worst days. Someone who I know is on my side, no matter how bad things get. Someone who is a partner in parenting, a partner in love, and a partner in life.

If this sounds like this post is turning into one of those “I love my wife so much,” corny, romantic, Valentine’s Day posts… well, you’re right. Got a problem with that? Didn’t think so.

Wishing a VERY Valentine’s Day to everyone out there – for the few hours that are left, anyway. I hope that no matter how bad things get, that you look ahead with open eyes, open arms, and an open heart.

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Insert incredibly cute Valentine's Day photo here.