orgasm control

On a recent post, Collaredmichael commented the following:

Do you find the perverse desire not to [cum] -in order to continue your streak of days without? It is something I seem to be experiencing – I want to cum but I don’t want to cum.

Short answer: I used to get this feeling, but not so much anymore.

I think, at one time, I felt the desire to keep pushing my denial farther and farther. Thinking about it now, it wasn’t so much of a desire to keep pushing it for a deeper intensity; it was more of an attempt to keep the sexual connection between ML and me. Since things have gotten much more healthier between ML and me in a sexual sense, I feel no desire to force it along anymore.

That’s not to say the feeling went away completely after things got better between us. When we attempted the full year of orgasm denial, of course I wanted to keep going without cumming. But that was the point of the exercise: just how long can we go? I think ML and I found out the answer to that.

At this point, I want my orgasms to be fully controlled by ML. That means not trying to “help my denial along” by resisting an orgasm and pushing my denial further; I’m in a state of mind now where I really do want to cum, but whether I do or not depends on what she wants. It wasn’t easy for me to get to this place mentally, but the work (and play) that My Lady and I have done has helped us get here.

I want to thank everyone for all of their love and support in response to my last post. It means a lot to me to know all of you out there are pulling for me. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s get back to the chastity, orgasm denial, and the crazy horniness that goes along with it.

I don’t know if it was the stress of the new house prep combined with the health issues, but My Lady allowed me to have an orgasm before we moved in to the new house… it could have also been that she wanted me to fill her pussy up with cum, can’t really be sure. I’m not the type to question the reason why I’m allowed to have my first orgasm in about 3 months, I’ll just take it and run with it.

After that first cum, ML gave me a treat and had me masturbate next to her in bed. I can’t remember the last time I actually stroked myself to orgasm… that’s seriously not an exaggeration, it’s been so long that I can’t even guess when it last happened.

It was nice, but to be honest, it feels a LOT better when ML strokes me now… and it’s even better when I’m fucking her. Yep, her pussy is definitely the best!

I was asked this really great question recently so I thought I would take a minute to write here about it. I’m sure some of our readers who are in control would appreciate it. Then again, some of you in the submissive role may like to know this stuff too. 

“…doesn’t it make you feel bad sometimes when you deny your hubby for so so long? Do you ever feel guilty?”

There actually was a time, when we first started this whole chastity and longer term denial thing, that I would describe my feelings as guilt. Now that we are almost 4 years into this there are zero feelings of guilt. There doesn’t need to be any. 4 years ago my hubby asked me to take control of his sexual pleasure. He wanted me to be the one to decide if, when and how he would orgasm. I gladly accepted that role and took control over that pleasure for him. So why would I feel guilty about giving him something he wanted in the first place? That’s something us dominant types can forget sometimes… but when someone completely offers themselves to us we need to not feel guilty about accepting the responsibility.

Cagedmonkey naturally craves and needs to be controlled and I naturally crave and need to be in control. It makes us both feel fulfilled and content in our relationship and in our life. It fits us so well to accept these roles. 

So, in short, no I don’t feel bad or guilty about denying him orgasm or even keeping him locked in that steel cage and even controlling him to the point of when he gets a full erection. I love knowing that he is THAT controlled, down to something even HE can’t control! I love knowing he has a pretty constant reminder of me and the fact that I control him and he sexual organs and pleasure. It’s mine to enjoy, he gave me that. He offered me that gift and it’s one of the best things and shows such deep love and respect and, more importantly, trust. It makes me feel great, not guilty! 

When I’m being denied orgasm by My Lady, it isn’t hard for her to find ways to frustrate me. Having my cock locked in my steel Jailbird is an obvious place to start, and bringing me as close to orgasm as possible without giving me one is also extremely effective. I’ve been finding, though, that being edged is sort of a mini-tension release in itself – not as good as an orgasm, of course, but my body does “enjoy” it.

After being denied so often and edged as much as I have been, maybe I’ve found some sort of comfort in it. But ML always finds ways to keep my sexual tension level high. Nowadays, stopping short of edging seems to be even more frustrating than edges themselves.

I had the day off from work yesterday, and ML took advantage of the kid-less household to drive me a little crazy. She spent most of the morning keeping my dick hard, not allowing it to get soft for more than a few minutes at a time. Even when she had to run out for an errand, she left me with instructions to keep myself hard while she was gone. She didn’t edge me once the entire morning, and it wasn’t long before I was going crazy. My cock was an aching, dripping mess in my underwear, and My Lady enjoyed watching me suffer through every minute of it.

After a rough week at work, I was very much looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend. Will I have the relaxation I was hoping for? Or will ML see exactly how effective this new form of frustration can be?

We all know that, in our relationship, I’m in charge. I decide if cagedmonkey will have sexual pleasure, when and even how he will have that pleasure. I can make him go without orgasm for a few days, a week, a year or I can even make him cum over and over in one session. I used to refer to what we did as orgasm denial but that’s not what it is, I was naive in thinking that’s all it was. I know my husband likes to be denied and I’ve known that for over 16 years but in the past 3+ years I’ve realized it’s SO much more than that. There probably are guys out there that just enjoy the orgasm denial part but it isn’t just about denial. It’s about control, orgasm control. It’s about being in control of the very deep pleasure that someone can have, it’s about controlling the existence of that pleasure. You control if they feel that feeling, when they feel it and how they feel that explosive, intense, feeling from their chest to their toes. You are in control of the most intimate of pleasure that someone can have. That’s powerful! Isn’t it? Does the thought of that power excite you? It truly is an awesome power!

Speaking of orgasm control and, control and power in general. The other morning cagedmonkey and I had a pretty hot moment. I was kissing him goodbye in the morning, as I do everyday, and I happened to reach up and grab him near the throat. I felt that twinge in my crotch and was instantly turned on. I grabbed a little harder, squeezed and tightened my grip around his throat as I kissed him. I felt and heard him let out such a delicious moan. I felt my pussy quiver and get all warm between my legs. I love the way that feels!

Immediately I got this incredible urge. It was the urge to make cagedmonkey cum… But not just make him cum in the “normal” way.  As I felt him there, in my hands, holding his very existence in my grip, I wanted to control it all. I wanted to feel the control I had over his entire body in that moment, his breath, his orgasm, his pleasure, his pain… his everything. I could almost see it in that split second, I wanted to have him laying beneath me, under me, while I was riding his cock, choking him while I make him cum nice and deep in my warm wet pussy.
I have no idea why that came over me in those few seconds but it did and it turned me on so completely. The amazing powerful feeling! Anyway, I just wanted to share with you because often I get asked what it is about all this that turns me on or any woman and for a dominate chick it really does come down to the power and control… That is the exciting part!