Male Chastity

On a recent post, Collaredmichael commented the following:

Do you find the perverse desire not to [cum] -in order to continue your streak of days without? It is something I seem to be experiencing – I want to cum but I don’t want to cum.

Short answer: I used to get this feeling, but not so much anymore.

I think, at one time, I felt the desire to keep pushing my denial farther and farther. Thinking about it now, it wasn’t so much of a desire to keep pushing it for a deeper intensity; it was more of an attempt to keep the sexual connection between ML and me. Since things have gotten much more healthier between ML and me in a sexual sense, I feel no desire to force it along anymore.

That’s not to say the feeling went away completely after things got better between us. When we attempted the full year of orgasm denial, of course I wanted to keep going without cumming. But that was the point of the exercise: just how long can we go? I think ML and I found out the answer to that.

At this point, I want my orgasms to be fully controlled by ML. That means not trying to “help my denial along” by resisting an orgasm and pushing my denial further; I’m in a state of mind now where I really do want to cum, but whether I do or not depends on what she wants. It wasn’t easy for me to get to this place mentally, but the work (and play) that My Lady and I have done has helped us get here.

St writes:

I read a 3 year old post “The Ring’s the Thing”… and you mentioned that you switched back to the regular ring, because the anatomical one started to feel uncomfortable. I would love to read an update regarding this matter, please. I’m thinking of buying the Revenge, but i can’t decide which ring to choose.

Click here for the post that St is referring to.

It kinda surprised me when I found the anatomical ring to be less comfortable than the standard round one for the Revenge. I had heard good things about the anatomical ring from others, and also it’s designed specifically for comfort. So you’d think it would be the best choice, but it wasn’t for me.

But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t the best choice for everyone.

Stay with me…

Just like I wrote in this post about trying out the double ring, the comfort of the base ring is really up to the wearer. Some guys will find the anatomical ring to be a better fit than the standard one; some guys may feel better in an oval ring, while others stick with the round design. You really need to try it to see if it works for you. Just make sure you don’t end up forcing it just because someone else says it’s “the best.”

On the other hand, I do recommend getting the integrated lock option that is available on all of the Steelworxx designs!

For those who follow us on Twitter, you may have seen ML’s excitement over the arrival of the Revenge’s new lockset in the mail. Her excitement is pretty well justified – it’s been almost two years since I’ve worn the closed-style chastity cage. Although it doesn’t really matter how My Lady keeps me in chastity, it is always nice to have options. Also, it really is a beautiful device, very sexy and stylish.

ML didn’t waste time with getting my cock back in the Revenge – I’ll be wearing it for most (if not all) of the weekend. ML thought it would be best to have me wear it at home, just in case I needed to get used to it again. It’s not much of a different feeling compared to the Jailbird – both are stainless steel cages locked around my cock and balls, after all – but it is a different device than I’m used to wearing lately. Better to get acclimated while I’m at home than at work.

I said it’s not much different, but it is a different feeling: while my cock tends to bulge around the bars of the Jailbird when I get hard in the cage, the Revenge compresses me all around and gives no ground. It’s just a little bit more claustrophobic, a little bit more compete constriction.

I asked ML today if she feels any different about having me in the Revenge as opposed to the Jailbird, whether she likes me bulging out of the cage or being squeezed by the steel. She said that it is different: the Jailbird is more of a tease, letting me feel what I can’t have; the Revenge is about frustration, isolating me from what I truly need. She did say that she doesn’t really prefer one over the other, thoughl both give her control over my cock, just in different ways.

This weekend should be a very frustrating reintroduction to the Revenge. ML is excited to see and hear what it feels like when I get one of my strong “rooty” erections in the Revenge, and she is also interested in exploring her new love of caged sex with the smooth steel inside her pussy.

I get asked this a lot: what does it feel like to wear a chastity device? Does it always feel weird? Does it ever get comfortable? How is it possible to live a normal life when your cock and balls are locked into a steel cage?

Well, it’s sort of like any other new thing: it takes some getting used to, but it becomes normal after a while. It’s almost like a piece of jewelry that you need to get used to wearing… except that it’s padlocked to your junk.

I remember when ML and I first got married, I was very much aware of my wedding ring when I was wearing it. I’d play with it, fiddle with it, and I could feel it between my fingers. I wasn’t used to it, so it felt really weird. But now, after more than 13 years of marriage, wearing it is more normal to me than not wearing it is.

Obviously, I haven’t been wearing the chastity cage for 13 years (although, sometimes, it seems like it’s that long between erections!). But I have been wearing it for a decent amount of time – it’s getting close to 4 years of being in chastity, going to work wearing my device, sleeping with it on, etc. It’s part of my normal routine now.

In fact, it feels different now when I’m not wearing it rather than when I am. Now, I’m surprised when I reach down to adjust myself and I don’t feel the hard steel of the Jailbird. I’m reflexively careful when I wrestle or snuggle with the kids, automatically trying to avoid an awkward explanation. Sometimes I even surprise myself when I go to use the bathroom and I find myself uncaged, completely forgetting that My Lady had unlocked me earlier that day. I’m just so used to being in chastity for ML, I hardly ever give it a second thought.

That’s not to say that wearing the chastity cage is always as comfortable as can be. There are times when I get so hard and full in the cage that it’s almost painful. Sometimes I get woken up in the middle of the night by my cock fighting a losing battle against the steel bars locked around it, and the only way I can get back to sleep is by reading or playing games on my phone until my cock calms down.


See how badly I’m bulging against the bars in that pic… doesn’t look all that comfortable, does it? Honestly, it’s not… but it really is worth it. It’s worth the time getting used to it in order to wear the cage for My Lady, to be able to be locked and kept for her. It doesn’t start out natural, but it becomes natural.

I was asked this really great question recently so I thought I would take a minute to write here about it. I’m sure some of our readers who are in control would appreciate it. Then again, some of you in the submissive role may like to know this stuff too. 

“…doesn’t it make you feel bad sometimes when you deny your hubby for so so long? Do you ever feel guilty?”

There actually was a time, when we first started this whole chastity and longer term denial thing, that I would describe my feelings as guilt. Now that we are almost 4 years into this there are zero feelings of guilt. There doesn’t need to be any. 4 years ago my hubby asked me to take control of his sexual pleasure. He wanted me to be the one to decide if, when and how he would orgasm. I gladly accepted that role and took control over that pleasure for him. So why would I feel guilty about giving him something he wanted in the first place? That’s something us dominant types can forget sometimes… but when someone completely offers themselves to us we need to not feel guilty about accepting the responsibility.

Cagedmonkey naturally craves and needs to be controlled and I naturally crave and need to be in control. It makes us both feel fulfilled and content in our relationship and in our life. It fits us so well to accept these roles. 

So, in short, no I don’t feel bad or guilty about denying him orgasm or even keeping him locked in that steel cage and even controlling him to the point of when he gets a full erection. I love knowing that he is THAT controlled, down to something even HE can’t control! I love knowing he has a pretty constant reminder of me and the fact that I control him and he sexual organs and pleasure. It’s mine to enjoy, he gave me that. He offered me that gift and it’s one of the best things and shows such deep love and respect and, more importantly, trust. It makes me feel great, not guilty! 

Ugh… NO!!!

I recently got, yet another, email about locking up a guy. I get them pretty often but just about every time I get one, I need to respond with something along the lines of you can’t just lock up a guys cock and throw away the key. I do want to mention, I know there could be a guy or two out there that does actually want to be locked up, have the key thrown away and their dick completely unused and forgotten about. As a matter of fact, I have such a boy, who’s key I hold, that enjoys the fact that there is nothing he can do or say to get his key back or get his cock unlocked… ever. There is really no use for his puny little cock. That is something that is few and far between and even in his circumstance, I STILL keep him mentally teased and reminded of his predicament every so often.

Male chastity with a spouse or partner, however, is usually not about not having sex or not having to “deal” with your guy once he’s locked up. If anything, it might be more work when you’ve got someone under lock and key. I’ve written about this plenty of times and I’ve even done a podcast on it. When you get a guy to give up control of his most intimate parts, he’s also giving you an incredible amount of trust. He’s trusting that you won’t lock up his dick and forget about it. He needs to know that you enjoy having him locked up as much as he enjoys being locked up for you. He may have a constant physical reminder of who owns his cock but there definitely needs to be some consistent mental reminders. Especially those amazing mindfucks that cause him to press and struggle against the cage, aching to be released. 

I really can’t stress enough about how important it is to give attention to the one you control. Your words, alone, can have a huge impact on how their time in chastity will be. When I say you need to give attention, I’m not necessarily talking about constant physical attention. I do think there needs to be some of that as well but, more than that, the mental side of things will certainly keep your guy from getting lonely. One of the most important things to remember, when locking up a guy, is that it’s going to be work. You do not want them getting lonely and feeling sexually forgotten about. I’m pretty sure I even have a blog post here with lots of ideas of how to keep your guy mentally mindfucked and well teased while locked up. Look around a bit.

I’ve spent the last few days teasing, stroking, using and edging cagedmonkey’s achy cock. As you know I have told him that he won’t be cumming until we are in our new house!! Hehe

I’ve had a lot of fun having him unlocked, at night, the past few days. The night before last I think I stroked and edged him close to a hour. He went from wriggling around and moaning to pretty much passing out on me. It was actually such a great feeling that I was doing that to him. I was taking him to a place that he couldn’t escape from. Such an amazing amount of power to get someone to that point. At least that is how it feels to me. I really do love the power and control that I have over cagedmonkey sexually. It drives me, gives me passion and propose. 

I’m SO lucky to have him and that he enjoys the tease and denial and the level of intense control I have over his sexual bits! 

Last night, My Lady finally unlocked me after 30 days of 24/7 chastity. She also allowed me inside her pussy. She also allowed me to cum inside her.

What a relief!

I was a little bit nervous that, after a month of no erections, that it would be a little painful – in the past, I’ve been able to feel the skin on my cock stretching after such a long time without getting hard. It was only temporary, but it wasn’t very pleasant. But, thankfully, there was none of that this time around. The only problem was the issue of hairiness – I wasn’t able to shave everywhere with the cage on, so I have about a month of overgrowth down there. I didn’t get a chance to take care of it, because I was back in the cage this morning before leaving for work.

So, who knows… I may end up with another month of growth down there before I get a chance to shave… or more?

It has been more than three weeks since I’ve had a full, unimpeded erection. I can’t recall how long my previous “longest 24/7 locked” was, but I’ve either passed it already or it’s pretty close. No matter trying to figure it out, though… it’s pretty clear that I’ll be setting a new record by a pretty good margin.

ML’s period started this morning, which pretty much takes sex off the table for at least a week. Unless ML decides to take pity on me, I probably won’t be unlocked until February at the earliest.

ML and I have tried extended lockups in the past, but her desire to have my hard cock inside her usually limits us to around 3 weeks (give or take a few days). We have tried strategies to go farther than that, such as using toys for penetration needs or using her cycle to get a week head start… but nothing helped us pushed past that imaginary 3 week limit. This time around, the timing ended up being perfect: starting the extended lockup with the new year ended up synching that time of peak need with her cycle perfectly. I don’t think we could have planned it better if we tried.

So it’s basically a given now that I will go at least the first month of 2017 without an erection (I’m setting a precedent for starting off the year being denied – orgasms last year, and now boners this year). The question is this: how will ML feel once her period is finished? Will her desire for penetration return quickly, or will it be another 3 weeks until the need is strong enough for her to remove my cage?

Assuming that My Lady doesn’t get the urge to unlock me later tonight (and there’s no reason to think that she will), tomorrow will make it 3 full weeks into 2017… three full weeks that I have been locked in the Jailbird, day and night. Three full weeks of my cock throbbing and struggling inside the bars of my chastity cage. Three full weeks of troubled sleep thanks to unattainable nighttime erections.

Three full weeks of nothing anywhere near this.

Three full weeks of realizing that I look pretty damn sexy with my cock locked in chastity.

The “longest lockup” benchmark for me is quickly approaching, and this time around it seems as though ML is perfectly content to let it continue. I, of course, am getting really desperate… but there is a not-so-small part of me that actually enjoys the idea of being driven even further insane by my need for a simple erection. In fact, I can’t deny or ignore the fact that my cock slowly fills my cage whenever I think about it.

Now, there is NO way I’d be able to handle being locked up over a span of multiple months. I really do need the freedom of getting hard and fucking ML (at least occasionally), and I know ML feels the same. I was actually surprised this time around that we’ve gone so long – two days ago was the first time ML and I didn’t have penetrative sex on our anniversary. As horrible as that sounds, though, it didn’t feel out of the ordinary at all.

This is who we are now. This is our love; this is our marriage – my wife keeps my cock locked in a steel chastity cage for as long as she wants, uses my cock for her pleasure, and teases and denies me orgasms until she wants me to experience that pleasure. It’s amazing, and it couldn’t be any more perfect for either of us. I need this, and My Lady needs it just as much. 

That doesn’t make waiting weeks for a full erection any easier, though.