KeyHolder

I was asked this really great question recently so I thought I would take a minute to write here about it. I’m sure some of our readers who are in control would appreciate it. Then again, some of you in the submissive role may like to know this stuff too. 

“…doesn’t it make you feel bad sometimes when you deny your hubby for so so long? Do you ever feel guilty?”

There actually was a time, when we first started this whole chastity and longer term denial thing, that I would describe my feelings as guilt. Now that we are almost 4 years into this there are zero feelings of guilt. There doesn’t need to be any. 4 years ago my hubby asked me to take control of his sexual pleasure. He wanted me to be the one to decide if, when and how he would orgasm. I gladly accepted that role and took control over that pleasure for him. So why would I feel guilty about giving him something he wanted in the first place? That’s something us dominant types can forget sometimes… but when someone completely offers themselves to us we need to not feel guilty about accepting the responsibility.

Cagedmonkey naturally craves and needs to be controlled and I naturally crave and need to be in control. It makes us both feel fulfilled and content in our relationship and in our life. It fits us so well to accept these roles. 

So, in short, no I don’t feel bad or guilty about denying him orgasm or even keeping him locked in that steel cage and even controlling him to the point of when he gets a full erection. I love knowing that he is THAT controlled, down to something even HE can’t control! I love knowing he has a pretty constant reminder of me and the fact that I control him and he sexual organs and pleasure. It’s mine to enjoy, he gave me that. He offered me that gift and it’s one of the best things and shows such deep love and respect and, more importantly, trust. It makes me feel great, not guilty! 

Ugh… NO!!!

I recently got, yet another, email about locking up a guy. I get them pretty often but just about every time I get one, I need to respond with something along the lines of you can’t just lock up a guys cock and throw away the key. I do want to mention, I know there could be a guy or two out there that does actually want to be locked up, have the key thrown away and their dick completely unused and forgotten about. As a matter of fact, I have such a boy, who’s key I hold, that enjoys the fact that there is nothing he can do or say to get his key back or get his cock unlocked… ever. There is really no use for his puny little cock. That is something that is few and far between and even in his circumstance, I STILL keep him mentally teased and reminded of his predicament every so often.

Male chastity with a spouse or partner, however, is usually not about not having sex or not having to “deal” with your guy once he’s locked up. If anything, it might be more work when you’ve got someone under lock and key. I’ve written about this plenty of times and I’ve even done a podcast on it. When you get a guy to give up control of his most intimate parts, he’s also giving you an incredible amount of trust. He’s trusting that you won’t lock up his dick and forget about it. He needs to know that you enjoy having him locked up as much as he enjoys being locked up for you. He may have a constant physical reminder of who owns his cock but there definitely needs to be some consistent mental reminders. Especially those amazing mindfucks that cause him to press and struggle against the cage, aching to be released. 

I really can’t stress enough about how important it is to give attention to the one you control. Your words, alone, can have a huge impact on how their time in chastity will be. When I say you need to give attention, I’m not necessarily talking about constant physical attention. I do think there needs to be some of that as well but, more than that, the mental side of things will certainly keep your guy from getting lonely. One of the most important things to remember, when locking up a guy, is that it’s going to be work. You do not want them getting lonely and feeling sexually forgotten about. I’m pretty sure I even have a blog post here with lots of ideas of how to keep your guy mentally mindfucked and well teased while locked up. Look around a bit.

I realized today means quite a bit to me. November 21, 2013 has such a depth for me and I realized it when I was looking back at those silly memory things on Facebook. It means more than the day cagedmonkey handed me the keys to his chastity cage and asked that I take control of the most intimate parts of himself. That day, in itself, was such a beautiful moment, him kneeling in front of me and telling me that nothing would make him happier than for me to accept the keys and take full control. I do wish I could remember those exact words but the moment sticks in my mind anyway. 

However, wearing a chastity device, a removable device, is one thing but agreeing to be permanently marked, showing your devotion and submission and your love is something completely deeper. Today, three years ago, I took cagedmonkey to get his Chastity tattoo and I absolutely love that he has given himself completely to me. I am his and he is mine, we belong to each other and with each other. I can feel it every time I touch his skin. Almost 17 years later and it still feels electric. It’s comforting feeling his arms around me. 

Thank you, my darling subby hubby, for being mine and not being afraid to make it permanent and forever. I will forever wear your key as you wear my lock!

Recently I’ve had a few people asking me about the key I wear on a necklace around my neck. They key they are talking about is the key to my husband chastity cage. More specifically it is the key that loosens the security screw we use to keep his cage locked on his junk. πŸ™‚ I have a picture (on the contact page, maybe) that shows the padlock key I used to wear before getting the security screw from Mature Metal. However we realized that having the screw was much more convenient, quieter and less bulky. 

Back when I ordered the security screw option I found out it came with two keys. One we use as an emergency key that hubby keeps on his keyring and it’s tamper evident. That one is the regular size. I asked Mistress MM if it would be possible to cut a key shorter because I didn’t want to have a long metal pendant that would draw attention to itself. The shorter one does that just fine! Anyway, Mistress MM told me that the key could be cut shorter and redrilled so that it was small enough to wear on a necklace. There is a very small fee associated with resizing the key but in my opinion, it’s worth $25. 

My key is cut to one inch total. If I remember right that is about 3/4 of an inch smaller than the normal size of the key. One thing I want to mention is to make sure you get yourself a good rope style chain for the key with a clasp that fits through the hole! It would be a good idea to get the necklace after you get the key, just to make sure it fits. It is still possible to use my key to unscrew the security screw, though it is more difficult than using the regular length key. 

I know that Mature Metal can get a bit more creative and custom about their keys but keep in mind the more creative you want your key, they more expensive it might be due to the handmade nature of it all. If you are interested in shortening your key for your keyholder you just need to let Mistress MM know and it will be done! πŸ™‚ She’s extremely good like that. She even knows what you mean if you mention you want the “key like Lady M wears.” Hehe πŸ™‚

Hope this helps! 

We had quite a bit of fun on Twitter this past week and it sparked some questions from a few people about just what it means for me to take on an extramarital submissive. We thought we’d take a few minutes to chat about what works for us and how we do things.

I did write a post on this subject a while back and had some of the subs I had during that time to write a comment on that post just telling what it is that I do for them.

Another post I wrote on Male Chastity & Cuckolding can be found here. This could be helpful for some. 

We hope you enjoy the latest podcast, right click here to download or listen now!

I often get asked by submissive (guys mostly) if I think they are doing a good job at pleasing their Mistress/Dominant partner. I honestly have to tell them, “I don’t know!” They will describe the things they do and they certainly seem pleasing to me. I even get asked for ideas on how to please their Mistress… that is the most difficult question because I am not their Dominant and everyone on this planet (and I assume on other planets lol) is different and what is pleasing to one person may not be pleasing to another – the most important thing here is communication. That’s what I’m talking about here, click to have a listen to my latest raw, unscripted Podcast.

As I said in my podcast here are a couple links to some posts I think would be helpful.

Praise & Reassurance

It’s the Little Things

A Little Tease Here, A Little Tease There

Tease Techniques

I’m sure there are other posts here, over the past almost 3 years that would be helpful. Feel free to use the search bar at the top right of the page and hopefully you can find something that will help you along on your journey. If not, send me a message and let’s chat! Thanks again for reading and listening and I look forward to hearing your thoughts so please feel free to comment!

Recently I started working with Mistress Ivey on her new journey at Ivey’s Keys. It’s been quite fun and even a learning experience working with my subs. I am very much enjoying the interaction, the tasks and ask of the people in general.
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What We Offer Submissives
This is a “Member’s Only” website and we have a great deal to offer. As a paid member you have access to the entire site, not just the blog area. You can get a Keyholder who will Control your Orgasms, you Chastity (if you want), give you tasks to perform, a shoulder to cry on, and a spanking when you need it. You will be able to visit the Daily Task Master, Play our Chastity & Orgasm Control Games, Watch our Tease & Denial Videos, and Join our Submissive’s Group! You will be able to send Private Messages to your Keyholder or anyone you want to communicate with.

What We Offer Keyholders
As a Keyholder, you will be in charge of one or more submissives who will do their very best to please you. Even to the point of paying Tributes for allowing them to be Locked in Chastity or even earning Orgasms . As a Keyholder you have greater access to certain parts of the website. You will be able to access our Tasks Library and submit Posts as well as secret pages designed to make your key holding easier and more effective.

Once you have paid your membership fee at PayPal you will sent to our
Official Registration Page. Once you register the entire site will open up to you.

Membership has it’s privileges!

I get questions all the time from other wives or girlfriends who have their guys in chastity. Some of the most frequently asked questions are about how I keep things fresh, how I keep him teased, how I remind him of my control over his cock. Honestly, I’ve said it before, chastity is not a “lock it and leave it” thing. Chastity takes a little work on the keyholders part. Unless of course it’s your kink to be locked up and the key tossed away never to be used again. That is certainly not how most… no, all, of the guys I know want it. They want to feel the control, the tease, the denial. They do not want to be locked up and forgotten about. So, how do I possibly make time to keep him teased and denied and reminded of my control?

A lot of this is mental, so there is that. The words and phrases I choose, how I say something, it all helps in reminding cagedmonkey who controls him and his sexual pleasure… Or torment! Then again, much of this is physical, too. There really, truly is a need to feel the physical control. Not that we need to be constantly stroking and edging our guys – though I’m sure they’d love that – but we do need to remind them physically. For those of us using chastity devices, that’s one constant reminder. He can feel that cage you keep locked on him so it is there to say “hey, she holds the key to your cock.”

Sometimes I have to get creative in my reminders. Since we don’t have a lot of time these days for long D/s sessions I need to find interesting ways to keep the tease and denial going. If you follow us on Twitter, you know, a lot of times I’m sending him pictures of myself and my sexy parts. I’m sending him texts about how horny I am and how I’m masturbating. I make sure to remind him of how lucky I am that I’m not locked in a chastity device and I can give myself an orgasm any time I want.

I’ve decided that our lack of alone time together doesn’t mean our D/s or tease and denial time needs to suffer. This morning after getting hubby’s lunch together, I snuck the small vibrator into the front pocket of his lunch bag. Once he left I texted him instructions to retrieve it and click it to a certain setting and place it under his balls, just far enough behind that it vibrated his prostate, for the drive. After a certain amount of time I had him switch it to another setting and then again another. I had control over him for the entire hour that he drove to work. He was an extremely horny dripping mess by the time he got to work. I love that he had to go into work with messy underwear. My little form of private public humiliation.

This little bit of surprise play completely reminded him of how much I love him and love controlling his sexual pleasure. He could feel my control all the way to work and I’m sure the residual submissive feelings are still with him a few hours later. I love finding ways to keep the kink alive, so to speak, when our alone time is not in abundance. I plan to find other wonderfully simple ways to keep reminding him just who is in control of his cock and his sexual pleasure!

Over the past couple weeks cagedmonkey and I have been talking a lot about his orgasm denial. When we started this whole denial thing 15 years ago, the longest we ever made it was one month denied. Usually the tease and denial lasted a short time from one play session to hours or days. It was so hard to get to that point back then. Since we started with male chastity over 2 years ago, denying him comes a little easier.

Hubby and I have learned something over the past two years. While there are some things we totally are not interested in, there are some things that are well, interesting to look at or think and fantasize about. Maybe we will never try them but we’ve learned that we can never say never, simply because there have been things we’ve tried and been like “whoa that was awesome, no idea why I like it but I do” and there have also been things that we were like “nope didn’t like that and never doing that again.”

When it comes to hubby’s orgasm denial, two years ago we never thought we’d make it to one month let alone the 3 or 4 we get to now. Our conversations recently have gone on to talking about 6 months to a year of orgasm denial. We have actually talked a lot about if we really think that we could do one year. Really the discussion is whether I could make it denying him for an entire year. He really has no choice in the matter. Two and a half years ago my husband ask me to take complete control sexually. I gladly took control of when and if he receives any sexual pleasure and if, when and how he will orgasm. So it basically comes down to, if I choose to deny him for a year, he will be denied for a year.

One of the things I made quite clear to him was that I could probably pretty easily keep him denied orgasm for a year but there was absolutely no way in hell I could keep him locked in a device that long without having him. I told him I NEED him, NEED his cock and NEED the connection of intimacy with him. I can manage to lock him 24/7 for about a month but I struggle by the end. That is something I will say never about… I will NEVER keep him locked in a device unused for a year. I know for a fact I could never.

So denial of orgasm for a year I can totally see happening and we are going to spend 2016 trying to get there but I will be unlocking and using him for my pleasure as often as I damn well please! πŸ™‚

What about you? Do you think you could be denied for 6 months? A year? Do you think you could deny your guy his orgasm that long? Do you think your keyholder could keep you denied that long?

I just think this is the sexiest thing… My beautiful subby hubby locked up in a steel cock cage for me. It really doesn’t get any better than this.

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In other news… I’m extremely horny and I’m going to masturbate, probably multiple times today, because I am not locked in a cage and I can! πŸ™‚