Advice

We got some more email questions and I thought I would answer some of them here in case anyone else had any advice for our readers.

subhubphx writes:

I just recently posted on my blog about sometimes not being able to fully satisfy Mistress K. when she needs or wants to be fucked really good, really hard and for a long time.  Being her dutiful, chaste, submissive husband, my urge to cum happens waaaay sooner than Mistress needs for her to get what she needs often enough.  I was hoping to get your advice on how you might handle a similar situation that possibly exists with your sub/slave men.

I appreciate you writing for my advice subhub. It’s actually pretty simple, there really is no way cagedmonkey can give me a good, hard, thorough pounding when denied his own orgasm – which I sometimes crave and need – though, he’s gotten very good with hands, mouth and toys. He’s learned to satisfy me through other methods. However, there are times I need it and that’s where a good strap on and “Adam” come in handy.

It’s very hard for me to enjoy insertables because they are usually cold, hard and not all that forgiving and just don’t follow the contours of a vagina. That was until I found Adam (you should be able to use the search function to find posts re: Adam), which is the most realistic dildo I’ve seen and felt and it’s really just a great toy. It’s soft but firm (but still bends a bit with tightness so you do have to help it get going) and feels really great. It warms up quickly and even more quickly when you warm it before under some hot water.

We’ve just found that the strap on harness is the best way to get that “between the legs, hip thrusting, manly fucking” feeling that us ladies do actually crave sometimes. While cagedmonkey is able to hold off longer the more he practices, he’s still not able to pound the hell out of me when I really need it without the strap on.

I hope this helps answer your question and please write us if you have more! 🙂

A reader named “The Half Heard” wrote the following comment on the last Mail Chastity post:

With the security screw, do you ever experience it making it’s way loose on it’s own? I have that issue occasionally with the Jail Bird and the solution I found was I took the locking screw into the local hardware store, and found I think a 5/32 nut that fit on it nicely. Something along that size anyway!

Now that’s ingenuity for ya! 🙂

To answer your question… yes, the security screw on the JB does come loose. In fact, I know exactly what to do in order to make it finger-loosenable (I won’t describe it here, however, in order to avoid spreading “chastity cheating” tips). In all honesty, it comes in handy when ML wants a quickie with her toy: she sends me off to the bedroom and tells me to unlock and get hard for her so she can ride me. There’s no fumbling for a key, no wasted time, no awkward moments. It also helps when I’m too aroused to get the cage back on before I have to leave for work: I just take the cage to work and put it on during my first bathroom break (and text a pic to My Lady for her pleasure).

Now, some people might start crowing, “That’s not real chastity if you can just loosen the screw and unlock any time you want!” That’s only true if you’re considering “real chastity” as a physical entity only. I feel the mental aspect of it is just as important, perhaps even more so. Even if the post of the JB was welded to the cage, I could still pull out of the device and jack off. I wear this cock cage because it pass My Lady and I crave being under her sexual control, and that’s all that really matters.

With that said… THH has a great idea with the addition of a nut to the security screw (I can’t help but chuckle when I think about the “addition of a nut” to the chastity device). I just wonder if there would be enough counter-torque in order to disengage the screw from the nut. Maybe you’ll need a miniature wrench? Not sure. But, definitely great thinking outside the box!

One of our Tumblr followers (tumblers?) asked the following question:

How do you find the Jailbird? Was it worth the money?”

Rather than be all, “Go check out my Jailbird review post,” I decided to answer this a little more directly. Whether I like the device is not quite the same as whether or not it’s worth the price tag.

Is the JB worth the money? Short answer: yes. Long answer: yes, if you are using it for more lengthy chastity periods.

The Jailbird’s most value comes from its long term durability. It’s literally as strong as steel; as long as you don’t attack it with a blowtorch (not recommended, especially when in use), your device should hold up fine. Issues with cracking and/or breaking that come with the territory with other devices are non-existent with the JB. Cleaning maintenance is also a breeze – you can scrub it, soak it in soap and water, or you can even throw it in the dishwasher!

The one situation where I wouldn’t necessarily recommend the JB is in the case of casual or short term chastity sessions. If you are only wearing your chastity device for a few hours at a time, you can get the same results with a CBX or a BON4 at a more affordable price. It’s a lot like bowling – if you’re just hanging out and having fun, you can use an alley ball; if you join a competitive weekly league, you might want to get your own equipment.

And yes, I purposely used an analogy involving “balls” and “equipment” to make a comparison to chastity.

So I just want to write that just as important as it is for us as women to get feedback that the boys like what we are doing, they need that same feedback from us. They need to know we are proud of them for being locked for us, for enduring our teasing etc. They also need to know if they are pleasing us with their behavior or sexual acts. How will they know to continue something I’d they don’t know ere loving it?

I find that having a submissive husband or even being dominant to a submissive man is just like parenting. I’m not saying our men are childish (though some sure can be at times) I just mean they respond well to techniques parents use with children. It’s just like you would treat a kid when you “catch them doing something good” to reinforce the behavior. So it’s important to say things like “it really pleases me when…” or “you’re doing such a good job with…” or “I really love how you are handling…” and even “Wow! What a great job doing…..” adding to any of those some hint at a reward is huge too. Saying something like “it really pleases me when you take out the garbage without asking… I might have to unlock you and tease you later!” No, you didn’t just lock yourself in and you don’t have to let him out but the thought that you might is motivation. It’s interesting how it works.

Praising and reassuring our submissives builds their confidence and keeps them pleasing us and striving for more of those compliments and possible rewards. It might be all about us Ladies (or dominants) sexually but it is about both of us emotionally. This is why I say communication is so huge. The feedback, both ways, keeps the relationship going.

Have you praised your locked boy today?

A friend of My Lady – who doesn’t happen to know about this blog – was chatting with her about male chastity. How the subject came up without mention of the blog is a mystery, but she asked her a few questions that I thought it might be helpful to answer here. And if ML’s friend happens upon this blog, thanks for the post material!

ML’s friend wants to introduce male chastity into her marriage. She wanted to have an idea of what to expect from certain aspects of chastity. She writes:

Going months without an orgasm – is that healthy?

First, I’m going to be a stickler for terms. There is absolutely no danger for a male to go any amount of time without an orgasm. Ejaculation is a different story: there is some evidence that frequent ejaculation decreases the probability of prostate illness, however there is also evidence that regular ejaculations increase prostate disease. When it comes down to it, nobody really knows. If you are interested in the “better safe than sorry” approach, there are ways to have a male ejaculate without a full orgasm (milking, ruined orgasms, etc.).

What effect does that have on him?

Long story short, it makes him fucking horny as hell. The male body craves orgasm constantly – it goes back to the primal urge to reproduce. The longer he goes without an orgasm, the more he’ll need it. Over time, he will recognize his keyholder (that would be you) as the source of his pleasure, and he will develop a submissive instinct and try to keep you pleased as a result of this. Some people have said that the increase in intensity of this reaction tapers off after a few months. I call BS on that. 🙂 Thanks to ML’s constant teasing, I’m still feeling that need to cum grow and grow every day.

How does a keyholder stay stasified without sex?

There are ways for a man to satisfy his woman other than with his cock! Tongue, fingers… there are many options. The most important thing is to redefine your idea of “sex.” For ML and I, we end up having sex all day long – for us, those hugs and kisses and loving touches are all part of us having sex.

With that said, I understand the desire ML has for a nice hard cock deep in her pussy. When she wants this, we have toys that we can use to satisfy this need. But sometimes, she just needs to feel my flesh. In that case, she unlocks me and uses my cock but doesn’t allow me to cum.

There are plenty of ways for you to get yours without letting him get his. 🙂

Mail Chastity has become a very popular subject on the blog. We’ve gotten lots of questions, either through email or Twitter, and we plan on doing more of these posts in the future. We could always use more questions to answer, though, so don’t hesitate to ask us anything!

What is a cocktease?

(n.) A Cock Tease is a woman who, from the male perspective, acts in a sexual manner with the intention of seducing a man, but without actually fulfilling the expected sexual actions.

(V.) To purposely become enticing to a male to the point of giving him a hardon, or in most cruel cases, blue balls, with no intention of follow through.

While looked at as a bad thing by some men, this is hot and exciting to those who realize the build up to orgasm is the best part of the sexual experience.

Being a cock tease comes naturally to me. I have always loved the act of seducing a man, the lead in, that build up of sexual tension. I have always been fantastic at it. It’s fun, it’s exciting, it’s a major turn on and a huge ego booster knowing that I can turn a guy on and get his cock rock hard. It’s especially hot if I can do that with my words or how I look or act. Turning a guy on and getting him hard to the point of frustration without even touching him really makes me feel powerful and in those moments, I am. I have complete control over the guy who is dangling from my sexual marionette strings. So, yes, I LOVE being a cocktease. <3

Now that I am married to a sweet, sexy submissive man who thrives on tease and orgasm denial, I get to live in that adrenaline rush from teasing a guy past the point of frustration. I get to enjoy that wonderful place of submission, that place where he is a puppet on my strings… waiting, wanting and needing me. That place where he craves me in every way, desires my attention and begs for my touch.

Having my man in chastity heightens that whole cocktease scenario. Locking your man’s cock in a cage holds that level of frustration, it keeps that feeling of arousal at a high without the let down of an orgasm. I love that I tease my husband all day, every day and keep him at the highest height of arousal possible. I know every woman out there loves when her guy is attentive, loving and romantic. When her guy is in that spot at the beginning of a relationship where he is constantly wooing her, telling her how he feels about her, how he loves her, how he wants her and how she turns him on. You know what I’m talking about, all those things a guy does just to get in your pants. It’s those things that make us women fall in love with you and desire you. Sure there are other things but, come on, you know when you are attentive and romantic to your Lady she wants you more sexually. The more a man caresses a woman emotionally, the more desire she has for him sexually.

The reason I wanted to write this post was because last night after cagedmonkey left for work I sat… alone… completely losing my horny feelings. My pussy just wasn’t all that wet anymore and my smile faded and so did those good feelings of being wanted and desired. My constant feelings of arousal were dissipating. I woke up this morning feeling disappointed because I wasn’t feeling that crazy horny feeling anymore.

I will say that I started to tingle when I got that morning text message:

Hey baby 🙂
How are you on this lovely lovely wonderful most awesomest morning, my sweet sensational love?

Eeeeeee! It only got better when the first thing that happened when he walked in the door was him stopping mid sentence to say:

Oh my God you look beautiful this morning.

Without another word or even putting his stuff down, he came over to me, put his hand around the back of my neck and kissed me as I was trying to tell him welcome home.

Seriously? Uhhhhhhhgh! That was that, my pussy got that warm tingly feeling inside and I knew I was instantly getting wet. I realized that my constant horny, crazy, neediness is fueled by my husband. It’s catapulted into the air and soars when I am with him. When he is stroking my emotions, petting them gently, he is causing a physical reaction in me. I love it more than I could possibly explain in words.

Boys, I can’t say it enough… never, never ever ever stop “dating” your Lady. Don’t ever, ever ever ever, stop “trying to get in her pants” – EMOTIONALLY! She will think you’re irresistible! She will want you, desire youand want to please you sexually more often.

I’ve been wearing the modified Revenge 24/7 for the past couple of days now. It’s much more comfortable than it was before we had it adjusted, most likely due to the rounding of the lip of the tube part of the cage. That, plus the fact that My Lady is really enjoying the integrated lock feature, and it seems that the adjustment is a big hit.

One thing that ML and I have been having trouble perfecting  – with all of our chastity cages, not just the Revenge – is the base ring. By “perfecting” I mean exactly that; the rings we have are very comfortable and useable for extended lockup periods, but they could be just a tad more comfortable. Then again, I have a steel ring locked around my junk, maybe it’s not supposed to be perfectly comfortable.

I began thinking about this because of a small switch ML made with the Revenge tonight – she switched the anatomical base ring with the regular straight one. I had been experiencing some discomfort which I attributed to slight shaving irritation, but ML wanted to see if the ring was the cause. Lo and behold, the cage is much more comfortable tonight than it has been with the curved ring! This could simply be my mind playing a placebo trick on me, but I’m not sure. Maybe the round ring is a better fit for me; it makes me wonder if we should try out a round ring with the Jailbird instead of the oval one we are currently using.

The other thing about getting my ring right, and this is something we’ve known about, is that I really could use a slightly smaller ring diameter. Both the J and Revenge have a tendency to “hang low” on my balls and look like it’s going to slide off the end of my cock (I wish). It’s not really all that bad, but it is noticable. You see, I have a stretchy sac and low hanging balls, which makes the diameter around them much smaller than you average guy. But the problem is that, while my balls are low hangers, they are also pretty damn big. So big, in fact, that if we were to get a smaller ring, I wouldn’t be able to squeeze them through the hole in the ring! Trust me, I’ve tried… with painful results. Also not that this is without taking into account my balls swelling with backed up cum after being denied orgasm for months on end.

The only real way for me to have a proper fitting ring that I can actually get my junk into is to get a hinged ring, and ML and I are not big fans of that idea. There’s just too many moving parts and places for sensitve skin to be pinched for my liking!

So, other than the remote possibility of having the JB fitted with a circle ring instead of oval, we are probably going to stick with what we have. The cages are more than capable of accomplishing the goal of giving My Lady completee control of my erections and orgasms. Also, a better fit might deny My Lady of her precious “rooty” that she has come to love so much… and has used to make herself cum so much, as well!

image

Pic borrowed from socyberty.com - so sexy


Sorry to the guys but this is something I need to say to my Lady friends (and to you guys). There are a lot of misconceptions about a woman’s period. A lot of women think it’s gross and dirty and that there is no way they can have sex during it. Ok maybe some guys think it’s gross and dirty too. I just feel a need to let all the ladies in on a secret. Ok maybe not a total secret…

There has actually been a lot of research about it and you can go do your web search if you want but having sex and/or having orgasms during your menstrual cycle is a fantastic idea. Ok so, if you’re like me, those first few heavy days you might not want to but after that I suggest you make that man of yours give you lots of orgasms. Or tie him up and make him watch you masturbate. 🙂 I have to say that “magic wand” works like a charm through a maxi pad to give you a pretty damn good orgasm.

I normally have a kind of heavy few days and a long period (like 8 days!) BUT the months where I am having multiple orgasms I pretty much have no cramps and my cycle length shortens by days! I know all of you ladies totally understand wanting your cycle to be shorter. I’m sure the painful cramps are on your list of “guys have it easier because…” and well, who wouldn’t want to ease those?

In the past three days, I have used cagedmonkey to have many orgasms. During this cycle I have had minimal cramps and besides the heavy stuff the first 36 hours it’s been much lighter flow. I decided to let my horny flow and just go with it. I don’t get undressed, don’t need to get anything prepared or worry about mess. I just rub on him and give myself an orgasm. It’s been a very dominating kind of few days when I call him into the bedroom and push him favorite on the bed, straddle his ass and grind my pussy on him until I cum good. As a matter of fact, I’m sitting here getting all tingly down below thinking about it right now! I wish I was home because I’d go in the bedroom and lock the door and lay next to him, making him watch me give myself a nice big orgasm.

Anyway ladies, there is never a need to “take a break” just because you get your cycle. Take that time to force your guy to watch you get off over and over… I mean it’s almost a necessary thing to help ease your menstrual discomfort, isn’t it? And I’m going to take a guess – not sure there has been actual research on it but – that having multiple orgasms and the chemical release during those orgasms would likely help with your PMS and your mood/depression etc. See, guys and gals, it’s all in your best interest to orgasm frequently, especially during menstruation. 😉

It seemed like a good idea. Ok, maybe not a GOOD idea, but definitely and interesting one.

My Lady and I were looking forward to spending the night together, as she has had a craving to give me an intense teasing and I have been craving any and all attention she will give me. But before the festivities began, I need to give myself a little grooming. After I finished, ML looked at me sitting there and instructed me to stroke myself.

It felt so nice to play with my cock, and I got turned on very quickly. It wasn’t long before I was squirming on the edge of orgasm. Then ML had what seemed like a fun idea at the time, something we had talked about before and we were eager to try:

“Why don’t you lube your cock up with some of that Orajel to get yourself numb so I can use that cock?”

(For those who don’t know – and I’m not sure how you wouldn’t know, but just in case – Orajel is a numbing gel used to block the pain of a toothache)

Sounds fun in theory – ML gets to ride my cock and use it in any way she desires, while I’m stuck with a numb cock unable to feel any pleasure. So I grabbed a glove and began to apply the Orajel to the shaft of my cock. After a few minutes of rubbing in the gel, I took a moment to wash it off before ML had her way with me – neither of us wanted her to have a numb pussy!

I decided to be on top in order to test the effectiveness of the Orajel. It only took a few strokes for me to realize that it was working… but only a few strokes more to find out it wasn’t working as well as we’d hoped. I was still on the edge of orgasm within moments. In order to properly please My Lady, I withdrew and licked her pussy to a couple of nice orgasms… after which I noticed my tongue and lips were a little tingly. I guess I didn’t wash off all of the gel!

So ML and I headed to the bedroom for some more fun. She cuffed my wrists to the bed and reached down to play with my cock… my only slightly semi-hard cock.

Huh?

She was rubbing my cock, tickling and teasing it with her fingertips, and it felt great… but I wasn’t getting hard. WTF? I’m not sure if it was the Orajel, or the result the exhaustion of a very long day of lugging packed boxes around, or a combination of the two… but it just wasn’t happening.

Thankfully, ML doesn’t take it personally anymore when that happens (as rare as it does). But I’m pretty sure we won’t be trying out any “numbing agents” from now on. If My Lady wants a good hard fuck while I’m being denied, we always have the strapon and “Adam” to give her when she needs.

There seems to be one particular subject that is gripping the minds of many of the followers out there.

Melly’shubby writes:

I’m interested in trying to get my wife to squirt. Could you describe how you do it?

Kiwi writes:

Your bride complemented you on your squirting stimulation technique. Do you have any pointers for a newbie?

Ah, yes, the magical squirting pussy. It really is an amazing sight, especially the first time it happens for you. First off, a little technical knowledge:

To all the naysayers out there, I say to you with a loudly tuned bullhorn – female ejaculate is not urine! Believe it or not, there have been serious medical studies performed that prove this. My Lady and I are under the impression that almost every woman has the capacity to squirt, they just need to be open to the idea. ML has mentioned to me that, before squirting became a thing for us, that she would sometimes feel the urge to pee during an orgasm. She would hold it in, because who wants to get pissed on during sex, right? Okay, maybe some people do, but that’s a subject for a whole different post. Turns out that is wasn’t an urge to pee, it was an urge to release her juices.

The two most important things to remember when attempting to “make it rain” as it were, are:

1) relaxation – the woman needs be completely relaxed. She also needs to know that no matter what happens you are going to be cool with it, not turned off or grossed out. It’s a lot like anal sex, now that I think about it.  🙂

2) practice – although it took some trial and error to get there, I can pretty much make ML squirt on command. 🙂 Don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t work 100% of the time right out of the gate.

Before I explain my technique, I want to make it clear that I am not some all-knowing, squirt master guru. I only know what I know, and I know that this technique works for us. You may find a better way that works for you. If so, go with that. I’m not writing up instructions on how to build an IKEA cabinet here.  🙂

The first time my wife squirted, I was playing with her pussy and for some unexplained reason, I decided to try to go for it make it happen. I was aware of the possibility of squirting and knew the fact that it wasn’t urine but something else entirely – I honestly don’t know what it is, but I don’t care really.  🙂  So, while I was doing it and I could feel her pussy reacting (I will explain the technique I use later, but it involves paying attention to how the woman’s vagina is squeezing), I kept telling her things like “it’s okay, baby” and “just let it go” and “just let it happen.” Basically, I didn’t want her to be shy and pull back, I wanted her to let loose. And she did! I made her squirt twice that time, and we both were amazed at how much she soaked the carpet! Since that first time, we’ve learned some stuff and now it’s very easy for me to make it happen. Often times she will be squirting within seconds of me starting! It’s pretty awesome.

Ok, now for the important stuff – how to make it happen. I find it works best when using 1 finger only, I use my middle finger most often, but any one you are comfortable with would work. You aren’t looking for depth here, you are looking for precision. Contrary to popular belief, you do NOT want to aim for the G-spot; the G-spot is actually too far in. You need to back out just the tiniest bit to hit the correct spot. To visualize the exact location, you are pretty much aiming for where the woman’s clitoris would be if it went straight through into her vagina. Once you are at the proper spot, you want to curl your finger towards yourself (assuming the woman is facing you). This is commonly referred to as the “come hither” motion. I would rather call it the “come hither” position – a small distinction, but very important, as you will see.

Another misconception is that once you find the spot, you should start thrusting or rubbing against the target spot in the vagina. This may work from time to time, but I have found a technique that is much more reliable. Imagine that your middle finger is placed where it needs to be, curled slightly inside the vagina, pressing against the inner front wall. Your palm should be resting pretty much flat against her pussy. The motion you need is to move you hand back and forth at the elbow and forearm, you should hold your wrist in its position. To get the motion right, try to focus on rubbing her clit with the heel of your palm while your finger stays in the right spot inside her.

After a while, you will be able to feel the walls of your woman’s vagina start squeezing you finger. She may also be moaning quite a bit by now.  🙂  When you start to feel the squeezing, you need to add the slightest bit of upward motion to your hand movement. Press just a little harder on her pussy when you are moving back and less when you move forward, almost moving your hand in a slight oval. You will feel your wife’s pussy begin to contract even more, it may even feel as if the walls are pushing against your finger in waves. This is good. When you feel this, keep the hand motion up, but use your finger to massage the walls that are squeezing against you (you will most likely have to move upwards a little more, to where the G-spot actually is). Keep pushing as the walls push back. Soon (hopefully), you’ll feel a warm, wet liquid flow over your palm. Success!  🙂

My Lady and I have found that she tends to squirt more when she can use the muscles in her thighs to push. For example, it is easier to make her squirt when she is standing up or squatting (over my face, usually), than when she is lying down. However, she has been learning how to squeeze just the right way while laying down to get a nice spray going; the distance she squirts often surprises me! Also, make sure you prepare for “the worst” when trying this out – double layer some towels underneath her. My Lady has soaked the couch/carpet/mattress many times because we thought that one towel would be enough! Just something to think about.

Hopefully this technique will work for you, and pretty soon the comments section will be filled with stories from readers who have soaked themselves silly with pussy juices. Just don’t come after me looking to take care of your laundry bill!

Good luck!