All posts for the month December, 2013

Cagedmonkey and I have a wedding anniversary coming up in a few weeks. We will be celebrating 11 years of marriage and 14 years together – on the same day! We are just like any couple and have had our good years, some ok years and some not so good years. Our sex life has been that same roller coaster. We started out like any other crazy, horny young couple into some kinky stuff like roll play, some light bondage and of course the tease and denial. We actually, at one point, had our own Yahoo Group way back when with about 600+ members. It was a tease and denial group where we would share pics and instructions and I’d basically group web teases! It was fun but I really had no idea what I was doing back then! Having that group was my first experience with male chastity. I met a couple of men who were locked in devices (one in particular that I remember being very involved with him, his wife and his chastity). I didn’t know anything about Male Chastity and probably thought it was weird. I did know tease and denial though and that’s what I focused on as well as some light Dom stuff. When you’re running a group full of guys wanting you to be in control of their orgasms, I figured some would be into some extreme (to me at the time) stuff.

Our relationship has not always been fun and games. We ran into our problems and spent years with resentment and anger that was really never worked through. We would work through some things but still fall back into the same pattern. Our unresolved issues that we stuffed away would come cycling back around and the resentment and anger would creep back in. I think that was a result of being so young and inexperienced at life.

Fast forward to our relationship hitting its lowest point, which I’ll call rock bottom. We had built up so much over so many years dealing with medical issues for ourselves, the kids, out of control addictions, infidelity and the everyday stresses of life. Our marriage and relationship, in general, was suffering under the unresolved anger, resentment and fear. Fear to confront each other with our feelings because we didn’t know how the other would react. When you hit that place of rock bottom in a relationship, all you have left is to face the fears.

Once we were able to say, “what else have we got to lose?” and only then, could we confront the fears we both had. We were able to sit down (yes there was crying and a mess of other emotions) and talk about everything… and I mean everything. We talked about what was good, what wasn’t so good, what we were happy about and what we weren’t happy about. We talked about our satisfaction with every part of our relationship, especially the sexual intimacy… which was, by that point, almost non-existent. I don’t have the answer as to how to fix a relationship but I do know that there needs to be two people who love each other, who are not willing to give up, who are willing to work their asses off to do whatever is necessary to repair, renew and rejuvenate their marriage. The most important part in all of that is the communication part. You need to be able to set aside the fears and non-judgmentally listen to one another. Then you need to be able to express the fears you set aside so they can be addressed.

I’m not a professional and I only know from experience what needed to happen between cagedmonkey and I to fix what was broken. So we could get back to the place where we started. However, back to a new healthier version of that place with two people who’ve grown together. To get back that fantastic, always aroused by each other, sexual intimacy we enjoyed with each other in the beginning. This time, though, it’s a deeper, different, more connected sexual intimacy. It’s something I couldn’t even begin to explain but when you get here, you know what I’m talking about.

Marriage is like a tunnel that ultimately collapses on itself and only if your willing and after you clear the rubble can you come out on the other side to see the light again. And what an amazing light it is, so bright and so clear!

In repairing our marriage we discovered how important it was to be able to hear each others fantasies – not that we had to act on them (because we all know some are better left in the head!) but merely hear them. If something appeals to you and you want to try it together awesome! If it’s just not your thing, it stays an arousing thought in someone’s head that can be used later on as a fantastic mindfuck. πŸ™‚ For cagedmonkey and I we have it in our agreement that we will share fantasies no matter how crazy they seem. First of all it opens a wide door of communication and you get so deep into the sexual soul of your partner. Hearing something your partner likes might seem like a WTF? type of thing but it’s easy to just listen and say “I’m not really feeling that, but that’s interesting” or “that’s something to think about” and understand that just because the fantasy was shared does not require you to make it happen. If you do, sweet! If not, no biggie!

Cagedmonkey was the one who brought up the interest in Male Chastity. At first I was like “who the hell would want their dick in a cage?” Haha but I simply told him it wasn’t something I felt I was into but that it wasn’t off the table. It definitely wasn’t a “no” thing but I just needed time to research and see what it was all about. It took me a few months to get the information I wanted and needed – because we all know there is plenty of way off fantasy stuff out there on the internet. Specifically there were two sites I found that really gave me a real idea as to what chastity was in marriage and what it potentially could be. I found Sarah’s Male Chastity blog from a wife’s point of view and thumpers blog which gave me the male point of view (I’ve since found some other blogs I really like which you can find on our links page). Once I read through and got good solid real life information I started to really like the idea.

We introduced chastity play a few months ago, in October 2013. We jumped in head first and didn’t look back. We very quickly got to the chastity being part of our lives 24/7 and he wears his cage any time I am not using the penis for my own pleasure. I control everything about cagedmonkey’s sexual experience. I control when he will have an erection, when, how and if he will have an orgasm and even if he will feel any sensation from that area at all.

This experience has changed us both, for the better. We have both discovered so much about ourselves sexually: I’m definitely dominant and he is submissive. I feel I have become a better, more attentive and structured wife. I feel I’ve become a better sexual partner able to please my hubby by teasing him and teaching him to please me. Cagedmonkey has become a better husband and a better lover. He’s much more attentive to my needs and the kids needs, he helps around the house even more than before and does this willingly and happily and rarely does he complain or grunt or sigh about anything he has to do or is asked to do. This experience has also changed our relationship, for the better. We communicate more openly and without fear of the others reaction. We have reached levels of intimacy and sexual pleasure we didn’t know existed. We have started dating again, which has been a huge thing in bringing out a deeper love for one another. We’re making love so much more often, a bit differently than before, but damn it’s better than it’s ever been.

It has been an amazing journey so far. An emotional roller coaster, at times but overall exploring ourselves, male chastity and many other kinks has changed us and made us so much better and stronger than we ever were. We’re discovering things about ourselves that are confusing but exciting and instead of being afraid of those feelings were are grabbing each other by the hand and jumping in with both feet!

If you are married and your relationship is sound and strong and you are thinking about Male Chastity, I suggest you give it a try. You might be pleasantly surprised as to what gives you those ooey gooey tingly feelings in your tummy.

My pussy needs a break and so do my stomach muscles! The past few days I’ve been giving cagedmonkey a pretty good go. Not only did he use the new sleeve I bought to fuck my horny pussy the other night but he’s also been servicing me by mouth quite a bit too. He’s sure does a fantastic job at making me cum over and over. So good, I’ve been pretty much doing crunches every time I have an orgasm. They are so strong and my whole body is involved.

The past couple of days I’ve been queening cagedmonkey quite a bit. I woke him up that way the other day. He was sleeping after work and I climbed up on him and sat right on his face. I pushed down so I buried his nose in my ass and completely covered his mouth with my dripping wet pussy. He woke up unable to breathe anything but the warm juices of my pussy. You really should have seen him wriggle!

I’ve started to play a bit with breath control with cagedmonkey recently. It’s an interesting kink and I really do get into it when I see him and his body react. Like last night I sat on his face a few times, each time a little longer. He really was begging and whimpering for me to stop but I kinda got into the power I had over him and didn’t want to. I continued to smother him over and over while rubbing my wet juices all over his face. That is about when he slipped off into subspace while I finished fucking his face and making him gasp for air. I’m starting to realize that I get extremely turned on by hearing cagedmonkey beg, whimper and grovel for me to stop whatever it is I’m doing.

He’s so obsessed with my large breasts, how could he not crave to be smothered by them? He really gets off on the fact that I can control whether he breathes or not by shoving my big tittie in his mouth and pulling his face into it to cover his entire face so he can take a breath only when I want him to. πŸ™‚ Oh if only there was a way to share how sexy he looks when he gasps the air I let him have while he looks up at me with those shocked, big, beautiful, blue eyes.

This is obviously something to be very careful with. Blocking someone’s airway is never something to take lightly. It is not something I sprung on him, we’ve talked about it at length. I’ve tried a few things and I am well aware of how long he can hold his breath. Obviously holding your own breath is way different than when someone else is in control and the panic sets in. Though, that’s part of the thrill! I am hyperaware of his body’s reactions and although, I love when he starts to flail a bit, that is about the time I start thinking about giving him some oxygen. It’s constantly a work in progress and I’m sure I’ll push him further and further as we go along.

All I can repeatedly say is that I absolutely love exploring these wonderful things with the man I love completely and who I trust so deeply. I could never imagine exploring these things with anyone else but my cagedmonkey.

I wanted to take a few minutes to talk about my favorite orgasms – to give to cagedmonkey! For the purposes of this post I’m going to refer to two types of male orgasm, the full orgasm and the ruined orgasm.

I’m sure I don’t need to describe a full orgasm to anyone. You boys have likely had plenty of them… before chastity and orgasm denial that is! You all know this is the full spasm having enjoyable spurting cum orgasm. Even though it’s not necessary to expel cum by the way! You can have a full orgasm, spasms and all but not release any cum.

Now on to the ruined orgasm, which I’m sure you can figure out. Basically it is bringing your guy to the edge and juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust getting him to the point where he will drop of the other side and completely stopping all stimulation. Usually, if you get it just right, cum will ooze out but there will be no pleasurable spasms.

Now the ruined orgasm is my favorite one to give hubby since it leaves him still frustrated and horny. However, my absolute favorite ruined orgasm is giving him one while he is still in his cage. I just love that he is so horny, so turned on, so ready to explode at any minute that I can simply stimulate him through the bars in his cage and get him to have a half sorta kinda orgasm. The look on his face and the way his body moves and the moans that come out of him are wonderful and the just make me giggle! πŸ™‚

When cagedmonkey and I first met, he knew from that moment I was a dominant person. I mean, how could he not know when he started talking to a chick with “Aggressive” as part of her screenname. From the very beginning of our relationship I’ve always been pretty much in control of everything. I’m talking everything from ordering in drive-thru to handling the finances and the household. No, when we were younger and got together and eventually married we had no clue what a Female Led Relationship or Wife Led Marriage was. Heck we’d never even heard of it until a few months ago when started really getting into Male Chastity.

You see, I’m the kind of person who researches the shit out of a subject that I’m interested in. So in my research about Male Chastity I found a book called How to set up an FLR by Mistress Ivey. Once I read through it I realized that all this time we’d had been living an FLR informally. It just naturally went that way. I, personally, think God is a pretty cool dude, he knows what he’s doing when he connects two souls! When looking back and thinking about things from the beginning, we worked so well because hubby was young and, in a way still needed to be taken care of. I was quite the person who needed to control everything and was a very “mothering” type person. We just went together and worked.

When they say opposites attract I fully agree! Hubby’s a very shy person, I’m a very outgoing person, hubby needs direction and guidance, I love to provide it. Like I said, it totally just worked. I’ve worked very hard over the past 14 years to build cagedmonkey’s confidence and life skills and he’s really become a wonderful man. Nobody’s perfect or ever can be but he’s totally grown into a strong, capable, supportive man and father.

No two Wife Led Marriages will ever look the same. Ours just is the way it is naturally, we didn’t force it or plan it or make it happen. The only difference now is that we finally understand it and recognize it for what it is. We are embracing the fact that these are our natural roles in our marriage and its where we are most comfortable.

No, I do not have a pet or slave who does not or can not think for himself. No, I’m not sitting on the couch eating Bon Bons barking orders at him and forcing him to serve me. It’s totally not like that at all. Our FLR or WLM is mostly wife led. Yes I handle the household, am a stay at home mom, homeschool one of our kids, handle finances, make appointments and pretty much all of the day to day running of the relationship. When it comes to big decisions we make those together and even some of the smaller ones sometimes. The way I describe it is that it’s not a monarchy, I am not a Queen (Off with their heads!) but usually cagedmonkey defers to me and/or I have the final say. πŸ™‚ I like to think it’s because he trusts me and my experience in life to make the best decisions for our family.

I love that we’ve come to this place after all these years. It’s been quite a roller coaster of a journey getting here, but here we are. Sometimes I say, “if only we’d gotten here sooner…” or “if only that didn’t happen…” but then I realize, had this happened sooner or this or that not have happened we would never be where we are. This wouldn’t be a good place. We HAD to go through everything we’ve been through in our relationship to appreciate what we have now and what can become of it.

(In this post, Lady and cagedmonkey tandem post on the same subject. These are not conversations, per se, simply viewpoints from the female and male perspective.)

Lady:Β Cagedmonkey has been denied orgasm for a couple of weeks now so I thought it might be fun to milk him. I haven’t ever milked him properly with an internal prostate massage so it was my mission to get it done! I have milked him a little bit with an external massage before but it wasn’t anything to write home about.

The other night I cuffed my boy to the coffee table on his belly. I got out the bottle of lube and the anal-t vibrating prostate massager. Since I really had no idea what I was doing, specifically, I played around a bit with angle and depth and that sort of thing. So with one hand I was adjusting the massager and the other I used to massage and push on his perineum so his prostate got as much stimulation as possible. At times I could tell I was hitting something just right because he would let out a pretty good moan. I did this for about 45 mins and while he was dripping precum pretty well I wasn’t getting that good amount of fluid that I wanted and have heard so much about!

That’s when, with the massager against the palm of one hand, I pushed up on his perineum with my fingers of the same hand and grabbed his cock and stroked a little with my other hand. I only stroked a few times (medium speed) and he only spasmed once and out came a huge squirt of what looked like milky water! Then of course I had to do it again so I stroked him another couple times and he dripped out a few more big drops of the milky fluid. Oh, not to mention, the very loud moan each time as well. I know he didn’t orgasm, he lacked the spasms for that and what came out was not thick like cum usually is. It really was just a thin milky colored, water-like fluid. It was hard to even show him how much after since it just made the towel wet.

It was a pretty neat experience but can be discouraging when it takes so long. I bet if we do it more and hubby is able to relax a bit more it can happen faster. I guess we’ll just have to practice more! πŸ™‚

cagedmonkey: I will admit, the idea of being milked by My Lady is very exciting. The possibility of her extracting the cum from my full swollen balls without allowing me the pleasure of a full orgasm involves a level of control that is off the charts. And to be honest, I want to be controlled like that.

ML has attempted to milk me in the past, with varying degrees of success; most of these attempts resulted in either a ruined or minimized orgasm. This was probably her most successful go at it. ML had me strapped down and unable to resist, and she used my helplessness to her advantage by taking her time and being patient.

ML has learned how to use the prostate massager very well. She was hitting all of the right spots; I was feeling flash after flash of pressure overload sensations, the signal that my milking was imminent. It was a little difficult for me to relax and let go because I was afraid I might end up peeing, but I think if she had continued with stimulating those sensitive spots I wouldn’t have been able to hold back any more.

After who knows how much time I spent on strapped to the table, my ass being penetrated and my prostate massaged, throat hoarse from near-constant moaning, ML began to stroke the cock in rhythm with her thrusting. I got closer and closer to orgasm until just at the last moment she stopped her stroking…. and I felt the “cum” shoot out from me! I could feel soft spasming in both my cock and asshole; I wasn’t quite sure if I had cum at first. But afterwards – when I was still horny and wanting to cum – it was obvious that I hadn’t. Some of the building pressure in my balls was relieved, but the need to cum was still there.

I’m not sure if we accomplished the classic definition of “milking,” but whatever we ended up doing was pretty intense! Overall, it was fun and something I am definitely interested in trying again!

This post really has nothing (ok maybe a bit!) to do with chastity or Wife Led Marriage or orgasm denial. I just wanted to take a minute and say how amazing my wonderful man is. I had a full day of Doctor appointments yesterday and couldn’t be home to take care of our daughter, homeschool, pick up our son from the bus stop, clean the house, do laundry and get dinner done. I just love that I can be away most of the day and come home to everything done and done well.

Cagedmonkey is a super cook too and I came home to a wonderful, yummy dinner waiting for me, house clean, kids fed and everything. I really am a blessed wife to have such an amazing, helpful, capable and, of course, willing husband. I love that he chooses to be present and active in our marriage and with our children.

I’m not sure if all that he did yesterday really turned me on but by this morning I was ready to jump him! Especially after he came in the kitchen, while I was making my coffee, got on his knees and made me cum 5 times. I ended up unlocking him, climbed up on his lap and rode him to a marvelous orgasm deep in my pussy. πŸ™‚ A little while later I called him in to the kitchen, yanked his big cock out of his pants and made him fuck me again to orgasm standing up in the kitchen. I just love that! What a yummy day today has been. He is back to work tonight so I’ve been letting him catch up on sleep this afternoon and evening. πŸ™‚

He’ll spend the night pleasing me before work.

For those of you holding your breath to find out how our first correction went, I thought I’d update!

As those of you know, who read my last post on discipline, it’s not my favorite thing to do. I do feel like it went pretty well. I was a little easy on cagedmonkey since it was our first spanking to correct behavior and the injured shoulder, of course. He knew why he was being corrected from a few days before. Last night I had a lot of playtime on my mind so I cracked open my toy box and let him out of his cock cage. You’ll have to get his thoughts on this but I think he was a bit excited (nervous?) about it because he had a nice erection as we got started. I instructed him to get fully naked and position himself on my lap with his hard cock between my thighs and his palms on the floor. I told him how many swats he was going to get and also reminded him of the reason. I began by rubbing my hands on those beautiful ass cheeks. That might have been a mistake. πŸ™‚

I realized when I started rubbing my hands over cagedmonkey’s ass that I was starting to do the exact thing he was being corrected for. I was procrastinating! I didn’t want to have to do what I was doing but it lasted only about 30 seconds in my mind because I knew I had to get it over with and we could move on. I began spanking him and the first few were pretty good ones, he was a good boy and took his spanking like a man. I heard very little whimpering but I’m sure he wanted to complain that it hurt. Each time I made contact with my hand, his ass would clench and I’d wait just long enough for him to relax before giving the other cheek a good swat. I also mixed it up so he didn’t get used to the rhythm of every other cheek being smacked. At times I would double up on one and that’s when he clenched harder. Here is a picture of the results, hopefully he has learned that I will not tolerate procrastination.
Overall I’m very pleased with how it went, it was quick and relatively easy. Still I’d rather not have to correct behavior. I am a very lucky wife that I have a boy who actually listens well and is pretty well behaved so I don’t have to do these corrections often at all.

When cagedmonkey and I started out on this journey we came up with an agreement, typed it up, printed, signed and dated it. In our agreement we set up guidelines for discipline. I’m not going to get into what they all are here but they’re pretty simple. Follow the rules or two things may happen, you may receive a “Correction” for minor offenses (ie: getting sassy with me, being lazy etc) or a “Punishment” for major infractions such as breaking any part of the agreement.

Again, these are things we agreed on, not something I decided that he had no say in. It’s not like I was all “I’m going to spank you with a paddle if you are a bad boy and there is nothing you can say about it.” We thought these things through and its what we feel is best for our relationship.

I was chatting with a like minded friend and his wife recently and we talked about how hubby’s and wives often times get irritated with each other and out of fear of their spouses reaction they don’t say anything. Those feelings tend to hang around and grow and fester and resentment builds. I know this from a lot of experience.

Cagedmonkey and I are both guilty of doing this for quite awhile in our own marriage. The great thing about adding discipline into our marriage is that those things that irritate me/us can be talked about, let go of and resolved within a short period of time and no need for any resentment.

On to why I’m writing with this post. You see, I’m not some cold hearted bitch who is into beating my hubby into submission. Rather I’d like to never have to discipline him! I don’t like it and I don’t want to have to do it. With that said, I signed that agreement too that said I would hold up my end of the agreement. If a “rule” is broken I must provide a correction for the behavior or a punishment.

Up until now I’ve only had to give one punishment for having an orgasm without permission. Whew! That was an easy one! Hubby got one week not being allowed something he really enjoys, which meant he was not allowed to look at or touch my breasts. He’s obsessed with them so this was a difficult punishment for him. πŸ˜‰

I’m finding that it is much more difficult to give a correction than a punishment! Tonight hubby will be receiving a correction for being lazy and more specifically for not following through on something that was asked of him. I’ve chosen to give him a good spanking for it. Plus, well I’ve been craving spanking his sexy ass so well it’s a good choice. Yum!

My point is, it’s not always easy for the wives in a Wife Led Marriage. We have responsibilities to keep our boys in line and on the right path and behaving properly.

I know some couples in FLR/WLM are a bit deeper into the discipline and have regular (weekly) maintenance spankings to help solidify their roles in the relationship and they also keep a log of offenses which are weighted and take care of them all in one punishment session at the end of the week. I’ve been researching again as to why this would be and I don’t have a specific answer for that but I have discovered that there is a kink(?) out there called F/m Domestic Discipline. That’s a whole different post on its own.

For now, I’m off to warm up my hand in preparation of giving cagedmonkey some nice red rosy cheeks later. I know it won’t end up being that harsh of a correction since I’m right handed and I have a pretty significant tear in my rotator cuff that is heading for surgery.

Ok maybe I’ll post a picture later of the results! πŸ˜‰

I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I’m starting to get used to wearing the cage for extended periods of time.

This week in particular has flown by pretty quickly. Both My Lady and I have been slightly preoccupied with RL things, but I still can’t deny that wearing the cage is starting to feel normal. I’ve been in the BC since Tuesday, and I swear it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still as horny as hell. What I mean is that I’m not sitting around thinking about how long the cage has been on because it feels like it’s been a long time. It’s just another part of my life now.

Obviously, getting more comfortable wearing the cage for extended periods is a good thing…. in theory. In practice? It could end up being bad for me, at least for my sanity. If ML decides that, due to my newfound comfort in extended lockup periods, that she wants to push me even further than before and take a step up in scale from weeks toΒ months… will I be able to handle that?

Will I even have a choice???

I borrowed this from another website (can’t remember which now, sorry) to help me explain something I experienced for the first time last night.

“During BDSM play, both the dominant and submissive partner may experience feelings of euphoria caused by endorphin rush. After play is over, in addition to the drop in endorphins, the after-effects of power exchange, physicality, and emotional release during BDSM play may leave one or both partners feeling lost, sad, or anxious after play is over. Dominants may also experience feelings of guilt for having used and/or hurt their subs.”

The above quote is discussing Domme drop (or Top drop) which refers to the specific and temporary reaction one can have after an intense scene. It can happen anywhere from half an hour to a couple days after a session. Dominants can have a very strong reaction to the sudden dump of emotions. We play hard, we let out parts of ourselves that have likely never been exposed, we explore our predatory natures. Our bodies fill with adrenalin and endorphins. A Dominant can find themselves suddenly crying, depressed, guilt ridden, insecure, scared, or any combination of emotions and physical reactions. Some just become suddenly exhausted. Some have little or no reaction.

This is exactly what happened to me last night. We had a particularly intense session of submission for cagedmonkey. I grabbed ahold of my power and took him pretty rough with the strap on by the end of it. I was revved up, hot, horny, aggressive and feeling very powerful. It felt so good to push him around, position him where I wanted, do what I wanted to him. He both hated and loved every minute of it. He is definitely not a butt slut but does like that I want him like that. That I will use him that way, for purely my pleasure.

Last night was a work night for hubby so our time together was very limited but I was very much craving that power over him and wanted to force some submission on him. Usually after an intense session we end with some cuddling aftercare. It’s in our contract that I provide this for my subby hubby and I just love holding him after anyway. It’s beautiful having him lay on my chest and me hold him and tell him everything is ok and I love him. So last night the aftercare was extremely short. Cagedmonkey had to rush out the door to work. Β 

I think last night I realized that I, the dominant, need that aftercare just as much as a sub. About a half an hour after hubby walked out the door I was sitting here alone and just burst out crying for a few minutes. I started to freak out as to what the fuck was going on and even caused myself an anxiety attack. I took some anxiety meds and calmed myself down and started to research (yes, you’ll find I do a lot of that!). I just had to know what happened to me. Β  Let me tell you not to worry it is a short lived reaction. It was a sudden dump of emotions and my body needed to deal with them however it knew how… crying was that reaction apparently.

Dom and sub drop may happen for several different reasons. One cause is chemical. Adrenalin and endorphins are powerful chemical hormones in our bodies. When the hormones start to leave our systems it is not unusual to have symptoms similar to withdrawal. Fatigue, mood swings, depression, these are all common reactions to both Dominants and submissives. People process the chemicals in their bodies in very different ways and react to them in their own way too, so there is no way to know how a person’s going to react. Β 

The point of this post is help others Dommes (and subs) know that it’s important to understand what is going on in your body. It’s also important to understand that it’s normal to have these reactions, and they will go away shortly.